You are not a better person because you are skinny or pretty?

I've had a recent revelation. I talked with someone about losing a couple pounds and they simply repeated to me, "You are not a better person because you are smaller" and it really hit me. We focus so much on looks. I, along with other girls I know, tend to judge others too much on looks. I hear people make fun of other people because they've put on a few pounds, or they're too skinny, or want to be friends with them just because they look good. But just because they look good doesn't mean they're a cool or good person. It just means that somehow their DNA and genes formed in a way that is pleasing to your eyes. It says nothing about the actual person. All over GAG there's people asking if they're attractive or not, and I'm sure the opinions they receive have an affect on how they view themselves. But it shouldn't. Why do we ask what we can improve in our looks instead of in our personality? The old cliche is that personality is the only thing that lasts, but that's so true. It is hard to look past looks sometimes but in the end they don't matter that much. Many of you probably understand this, but it's new to me. Just a thought.


Most Helpful Guy

  • And a very well spoken thought, asker.

    How a person looks in terms of things which are strictly genetic (facial structure, eye color, etc.) says nothing about that person's character. I'm a big believer in treating people equally in regards to respect. I have a friend with FAS who is very sad and lonely. I've another who just never had much of a pretty face and sadly she has been talking suicide. My brother's friend, who had osteogenesis imperfecta, recently died a fifty-something year old virgin and she had a very sad life, I fear. Now, I am in no way suggesting that men and women should force themselves to find them attractive, but I do think that people should be aware that they are very hurt when people get upset when they called someone pretty or handsome. I can understand not being attracted to them, but actually getting upset or angry that an unattractive person is paying someone some unwanted attention is stupid at best, cruel at worst. And they face other issues. People laughing and bullying them. That's just spectacularly cruel.

    Now, that being said allow to respectfully disagree with you on some things. Firstly, sometimes (please note I said *sometimes*), being overweight does say something about a person's personality. Secondly, their fashion sense also sometimes (again, please note I said *sometimes*) says something about an individual's personality. For the record, my fashion sense was a constant point of contention with my wife. I wore things that made her roll her eyes to heaven and beg me to go back upstairs and change. That DOES say something about me, chiefly that I didn't care much for pop culture (she changed that a little... not much but a little). So, the aspects of our appearance that are within our power to change DO sometimes say SOMETHING about us as people.

    • Happily, many things about our appearance are things that are well within our power to change. UNhappily, many don't realize this or have been told that people should find them attractive "Just the way they are," then understandably become bitter when people don't find them attractive.

      Asker, exercising and losing weight can indeed have an effect on your personality. It releases endorphins and dopamine, and that's a good thing. These effect our moods, which in the long run effect our personality. I think it will be a good change. Furthermore, it can change your physical appearance. I think it can be a positive change. Now, all this has reminded me that it's time to go running. I hope you'll join me some day, asker.

    • Opinion owner, you also have some well thought out points. I enjoyed your disagreements so much, that they turned to agreements. Yes, sometimes being overweight does say something about the personality. If often does. They often have struggles in their life that they need to overcome. Dressing could go either way. Sometimes people just wear something cause they like the way it looks, that's it. Sometimes they dress a certain way just to fit in. If I wear a plain t shirt and jeans, I believe that doesn't say much about my personality. If I wear a skirt and my favorite tank top that has my favorite band's name on it, then I think that says something. I think that thing with your wife is actually hilarious. I do think anyone over weight should try and lose that weight for healthiness, and happiness. I'm not saying that there's nothing to physical appearance, there just seems to be too much put on it sometimes. Someone should not be unhappy just because they don't look like channing tatum

    • Also, I did join you in a way. I went to a big athletic training session for the third time this week, and this is my "hell week" in training, let me say it definitely lives up to the name.

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What Guys Said 4

  • That sounds like a comment because they are jealous because you have lost weight to be honest. You are exactly right both men and women focus so much on looks. I think you can blame media for all this, all the rubbish they have been feeding us for years on what a hot girl looks like and what a hot guy looks like. I have a lot of respect for you admitting you judge to much on looks, lots of girls say looks do not matter but you can clearly see by their actions they do matter. That is why I have respect for you admitting it. I will admit I tend to focus on a girls looks to but I do not go around poking fun at people that are less attractive and I do not take the "and why are you talking to me attitude either". If a person is nice to me ill be nice to them no matter how they look, it is the only way to be in my opinion. You are exactly right just because someone looks good does not mean they are a cool or good person, that comes down to personality. I have meet lots of really good looking girls but been put off them because they have had poor personalities. Thinking the world evolves around them etc. Not all good looking girls are like this tho. Some of the guys that girls think are good looking can be the same thinking they could have any girl they wanted and all girls want them. For me I might get attracted by looks to start with (we all do) but if the girl has poor personality and treats me bad then it is "Good Bye"!" Yeah usually the type of people that ask that on GAG are two types of people those that honestly feel they are not attractive and those that know they are attractive and are fishing for complements and yes the answers do affect them. We ask more about looks because there are so many people both girls and guys that are focused on looks only when trying to find a partner. Yeah you are right with the old cliche "looks attract and personality keeps a person". You are really spot on with this and remember at your age looks matter much more to most people.

  • Well nothing really lasts to be honest, lol, time wears on your personality as well as your physical appearance though perhaps not as much. In the end it's about how well you take care of these things, whether you exercise and stay healthy to keep up your physical appearance or you "exercise your social muscles" and stay moral to keep up your personality.

    Honestly a lot of people go with the cliche of personality matters more than looks but that's simply not true. Now I'm not saying looks matter more than personality either, because frankly they both matter just as much as the other. You can be beautiful but people can be repulsed by your personality, and you can have a great personality but people can be repulsed by your appearance. Sure you can try to force yourself to overlook someones appearance and focus on their personality, but you're fooling yourself if you think that's any different than overlooking someones personality and focusing on their appearance.

    Attraction is made up of both personality and physical appearance. You can't control your own attraction to others, it's simply your nature. You should strive for a good personality and appearance, as well as a good intellect and other things that add into attraction.

    • I'm not talking about attraction really, just generally how people think of and treat others.

    • What I'm saying is that those are one in the same. How you interact and treat other people revolves around how attractive they are physically, intellectually, morally, socially, and etc. whether you like it or not -- that's just our nature.

      You can try to force yourself to ignore a person's physical qualities and focus on their social qualities, but in reality that's no different than focusing on their physical qualities. Fighting your own nature is only going to make you unhappy.

  • People really aren't better if they are skinny or not. Nor what they wear and don't wear. It doesn't make anyone better. I judge by Personality and their true-self. Rarely does looks truly affect personality. Sometimes it does, but not often. I think everyone is fine the way they are and look. Their personality is all that matter's. Let's see where "Looks" get's someone in a relationship ya know?

  • A true sentiment. But if given a choice of two women with equal personality. One is a healthy weight and one is 25 pounds overweight. I'll take the healthy every time. You may not be a better person but you will appeal to more at a healthier weight. It's the gods honest truth. It may not be the political correct banswer, but the realistic answer.

    • No I agree, I would do the same. like I said, physical does matter to a certain extent. and I'm not saying overweight is a good thing, if she's overweight she should try and become a healthy weight.

What Girls Said 3

  • Yeah but if someone is seriously overweight this shouldn't be their frame of mind. Other than that I think this is a good way of thinking except there's nothing wrong with trying to better yourself. Like getting into good shape, getting your hair done, etc just don't let it run your life.

    I also don't think there's anyway to actually change our personality without pretending which I don't think is good.

    • I agree, if someone is overweight they should strive to change it but not out of hate for themselves but out of love so that they can be healthy. I enjoy doing my hair and makeup a lot, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look nice it just shouldn't be everything. I agree again, I strongly dislike people who fake other personalities but I think you can change it a little to a certain extent just by having other experiences. Like say you're usually a homebody but then decide to try surfing, you'll naturally pick up on some of the surfer tendencies and it'll become a part of your personality, you may become more of a socialite than before.

    • True true. I agree with everything you said lol.

  • so what are pretty or skinny people horrible is that what your getting at..

    • why so negative? she's just saying that the outside doesn't determine what's on the inside...

    • Yes, exactly what thedevilinside said, I never said they're horrible. They could be great, or they could be horrible. I dont get why you have to take it so negatively. I'm not a fat ugly person hating on skinny people, I'm just stating a thought that I think makes sense.

  • What other people think is none of your business. We focus a lot on trying to be a certain way and thinking how we are is "none of anyone's business" -- but try the reverse. What others think is none of OUR business either.

    If we are doing something, have a trait, or look a certain way, it is not our business to care what people think of that. Just like I'm sure what we think of others is not fair to try and control or make someone feel bad for who they are either. You simply cannot control what people want in life or how they view others, but you absolute have 100% control over how YOU feel about yourself.

    What they think of you is none of your business. Try that one on in all aspects of your life during the day and you'll notice people who are pushy in traffic or people who are bastards at work to you will simply seem so insignificant to you. :)


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