How to get over anxiety of talking to random girls (ie: at libraries or coffee shops)?


Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get over anxiety when approaching members of the opposite sex in which you have practically no common dominator? I find myself being able to take the first step of actually approaching the girl and getting her name, but I find that my anxiety is crippling me from showing my true self. At parties, or at the bar, its usually fine just cause there is this expectations that girls will be approached and I'm usually fairly spontaneous, but at libraries (I'm a student) or at coffee shops, I usually get the first sentence out and then afterwards, I feel my heart rate go up, my palms get sweaty, my mind becomes clouded and its hard for me to control what I want to say, or even think of something to say!

Does this anxiety get better over time/practice?



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What Girls Said 2

  • yeah it should get better...but in the mean time try thinking "oh I'm just gonna say hi" with no expectations added on at all. don't think hey does she like me or not or think to much. just be friendly..hahha you can even try what some of us girls to her like she's gay or she's taken or just not your type...when you trick yourself that way your not worried about the out come of the conversation. just be yourself and don't try to be someone else. hey some guys aren't that smooth talker haha and that's ok,why cause that's you. and some girls might even like that. if you get nervous and the girl know that's not always a bad thing. just remember not to come on to strong. that can be a turn off right away. but just be friendly comment on a book she's looking at, or what's the best coffee she recomends. just chat. simple conversations. and if its a faily long conversation you to have and she seems interested. say oh I would love to carry on with this conversation sometime...she what she says...if she "can't" then she wasn't interested. but don't worry there are going to be way more girls to that one who don't get upset just be like ok it was nice meeting you...don't look sad or dissapointed just hahah as I say "don't give a sh*t" that's when things always work for me..haha who knows some girl across the room might be staring at you. just be in a good mood through out it all. when you worry about be nervous you get even more nervous. so trick yourself into thinking hey I'm a friendly person and there lucky I'm talking to them (but DON"T BE COCKY on the outside just friendly) haha have confidence and most of all have fun! :) I hope I helped. good luck! :)

  • Practice, practice, practice, if you absolutely have to meet them that way. In all honesty, I think most guys in your position would be better off meeting girls some other way. Are there none where you go work, or where you go to school (if you're still in school), or anything like that?

    • School is really no longer a viable option since I'm in a program where everyone is in the same classes and we practically no longer see any other students (that is unless I go to the library or coffee shop, but that brings us back to square one haha). Also, I am beginning the clinical phase of my training so I will spend all my time in the hospital now, so I have to look for other venues now. Man, if I had known how easy I had it to meet girls back in undergrad haha...

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