How do you draw a guy's attention to your brain, personality?

and not to your body. seriously it gets on my nerves.

I'm tired of guys only liking me for my body. (yes I'm a jerk magnet)

i mean I am a woman, of course I do love to go shopping, wear high heels & dresses but that doesn't mean I'm as shallow as Paris Hilton.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys like sex, and sexy ladies. There's not much to be done about that.

    It sounds to me like you're feeling frustrated because you're not very good at picking up on the "red flags" of whether he's a jerk or not.

    Most attractive women will attract jerks, but it's the wise ladies who know NOT to escalate these interactions. This doesn't mean you need to amp up your "Bitch Shield", which seems to be a fairly popular method, but instead I'd suggest you simply learn how to "Ignore" the gross guys, and "Score" the cool ones.

    If you're reacting positively to the general attention of men (perhaps because you're still young and not socially calibrated) then you'll continue to invite the jerks into your life.

    Pay attention, learn to spot the creepers from across the room, and only chat up the dudes who display honest intentions. These are the guys who don't waste a lot of time complimenting you, or spending time looking at your cleavage. They will also be more honest about their intentions (they'll flirt if they find you cute, and they'll banter just for the fun of conversation.)

    Breast of luck!

    ~ Robby

    • What do you mean by "red flags"? (sry english is not my first language). and the bitch shield as you call it has already become a routine. :(

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    • -- He flirts heavily with you but has a girlfriend/wife.

      - He's always trying to touch you

      - He teases and TICKLES you, but not in a fun way.

      - Your girlfriends have warned you about him.

      - He only invites you to his place.

      yup that's pretty much the type of guys I tend to meet.

      oh and a "f*** off" works a lot better than ignoring. because if you ignore them they think ur into them. like playing hard to get or whatever. don't ask me I'm not the creepy one :S

    • Hahaha! I like your style.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • I British study conducted in 8 countries across Europe asked a total of 9,400 men and women to participate in several 15 minute rounds of speed-dating. The people were first put into a room and explained the rules. This was part of the test, to see how the men and women would respond to each other in a casual and relaxed (no time-restriction) setting. After each round, each person would have to rate the other from 1 (worst) to 5 (best) on face, body, personality, and financial security or life success.

    After the rounds were complete, each participant was asked to rate him/herself.

    Men consistently rated their looks as much as 17% lower than what the women rated them on average. Men also rated their personality 9% higher than what women rated them on average. Shockingly, there was only a 2% gap on how each man and women on average rated financial security or life success.

    Women consistently rated their looks as much as 22% lower than what the men rated them on average. Women also rated their personality 12% higher than what men rated them on average. Women rated their financial security or life success 26% higher than what men on average rated it.

    (which means either men are gold-diggers or women have lower personal standards for themselves on financial/life success)

    But the purpose of the study was not to derive statistics. It was to see HOW each sex derived the information they used as the basis of rating the other person.

    I guess the information that applies to your question is what information men used to rate personality in women:

    Positive correlation:

    - talked slow

    - smiled

    - asked few questions

    - conveyed information about herself

    - talked deeply about her interests

    - reciprocated interest in his goals and passions

    (which suggests that acceptance and emotional honesty are attractive personality traits for men)

    Negative correlation:

    - talked fast

    - fake-smiled

    - asked many questions, either directly or indirectly

    - conveyed little information about herself

    - talked vaguely about safe impersonal subjects

    - judgemental and opinionated about his goals and passions

    (which suggests that emotional dishonesty and attempts to conform personal beliefs of others to agree to your own when in disagreement "or simply; lack of acceptance" are unattractive personality traits for men)

    Waste of a study huh? You could've paid me however much they paid those Ph.Ds and I couldn't told you the same thing.

  • First and foremost, from looking at your picture, I understand why you have this problem. You're pretty gorgeous.

    I reassert that talking to them is your best choice. Be more discerning yourself. Take a while to get to know a guy or talk to people he knows to get an impression of him. Like many guys here have said, you are attractive, there will never be a guy that will not notice that. But you're aware of that.

    After that, just try and strike conversation often. If not about random things, then about your perceptions on life and feelings on certain things. Even if it started as a physical thing (which is how most relationships work), it will become about your thoughts and feelings over time.

  • Talk to them. If they don't seem interested in what you have to say, then they're not for you.

  • honestly, girls aren't as fascinating as men. most of them are simple and have nothing to offer. that's why many men use girls (and their bodies), then throw them away.

    if you want to draw a guy's attention to your brain/personality you need to transform into a man. in this case they will respect you. they will think you are intelligent/worthy enough to talk to. if you don't transform into a man they keep looking down on you/they keep thinking of you as a piece of flesh, always ready to get f***ed in every hole.

    • Interesting because I would say that most men are simple, and have nothing to offer. Don't be so cocky and think you're gender is superior in anyway, because it's not. Both suck just as much as the other, and occasionaly an exception breaks through.

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    • So, women are unintelligent, boring, unsuccessful, and their only contribution in the world is to have sex with men? It's nonsensical to say that women waste time making themselves look nice if, according to you (and I'm sure most other men), you believe that womens' only value in society is for men to have sex with. I think it'd be best to realize that not all women are stupid/boring/etc. just like not all men are sexist/belitting/chauvanistic/etc. IMO.

    • Well biologically it only needs 1 man for 10 woman're not as important as you may think :P

  • us guys usually have a one track mind and to be brutally honest if you want noticed for everything but your body date a blind man. but it shouldn't be a bad thing to be noticed for your body but if they only like you for your body then that's not your fault, it's theirs. Just sit back and someone will come along that will treasure you for more than just your body. Be patient and have an open heart to let love in.

    • Thanks for ur help. its tired of sitting back and waiting. I've done that for the last 20 years while my friends slept with strangers every weekend lol

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    • Nein. ich bins nur leid auf den richtigen zu warten

    • No wait. I'm correcting my last comment:

      YES I DO. but only with the right guy because otherwise I'd feel used. (I know this is stupid)

  • I'm afraid you're gonna have to learn to deal with it, or start dressing like a dyke and get your hair cut like rihanna's, its your choice. When I meet hot women, its kinda hard to look past her appearance (especially when she dresses well) but after a while I'll get bored if she doesn't show much else, like intelligence, a sweet personality, humour...we're not that different guys and girls, in our selection processes.

    • Yea, you are so incredibly right. a hour later after the first date is when looks don't save the girl.

  • du bist für männer nur ein "fickobjekt", weil du wahrscheinlich nichts anderes zu bieten hast.


What Girls Said 3

  • Think about what you look for in man -- what you want as well as what often "catches your attention." What makes you decide to flirt or make eye contact with a guy? You can tell by some of the conversations above that some men do not "get" that a woman can be as multi-dimensional as they are (and of course, as with men, some are and some aren't). However, they may also be attracting and attracted to the wrong type of girl...

    Like the wise men said above, if a guy keeps being a jerk, just cut him off from your attention. Do this politely, I don't believe in the "bitch" shield so much as just being polite but firm that you aren't interested. Find the man with a more subtle approach. Go places other than the standard bar scene or what-have-you where people flock to hook up. Not sure what your hobbies/interests are, but those can give you an idea of some good places to find men who may be interested in what you have to say and do.

    Good luck!

  • Stop flaunting you're body and looks. Personality is great, once you get to know it. But honestly looks is something that's instantly rewarding, you see someone, there hot and you're thinking "yes". it takes time and effort to get to know someone and how amazing they can be, you might just need less distraction from who you really are. Maybe not go so over board until they start to get to know you, then they're wowed x 2.

    • Yeah true. but I love fashion. its part of who I am :( and I don't get it...i mean if I see a hot guy I always talk to him because I wanna see if he's smart & charming. if he's not then I'm turned off and that was it. but guys don't even try to get to know you they just wanna f***.

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    • @20Questions: that's what I'm doing! and I think I might have raised them too high because I never had a friends say I'm too picky too but they're not really a good example. they sleep with someone new every weekend lol

    • I'm not saying it's a good thing to dress yourself down to impress guys. But generally when what you're doing isn't working. You change it up, until you find something that does work.

  • Men can't help but look at pretty women. The best thing to do is ignore the ones you are not interested in. If you let them see that it is bothering you than it will only make them do it more. If they see that they are getting any kind of reaction from you then they know they are doing something right.

    • I don't have a problem with them staring at me. I mean it can be fun. like a friend of mine and I used to play this game at the club xD its all about flirting with men and then turning them down lol anywwayz, jerks are fun to play with but from time to time it would be amazing to actually meet a decent man.

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