My neediness is overwhelming me?

Not outwardly. For several reasons, I don't have very many friends, so when I met this girl in college it was surprising how well we got along together, to the point where we texted each other every other day, with the days in between seeing each other in class. Not one to open up, I took it slow and made small talk with her for a couple months then I realized I started having feelings for her. Initially, I was going to just hold them in and finish out the semester and then never see her again, but it occurred to me that I could actually make a move and ask her to do something with me. So I did--we ended up going on two dates. But after the second one, the semester was about to end during which she informed me she wasn't returning to the school. Nevertheless, when the semester was over, I called her over break and we talked a couple times, and twice I asked her to do something with me, but she was always busy. I read that when girls say that they're not interested. So I told her if she wanted to hang out she can let me know.

That was two months ago and needless to say she never called me ever again. I've thought about her every day. I will never see this girl again and yet she holds so much control over me. I go to class and think about her and miss her and now I've clammed up again.

My whole life all the way up to just before the semester, I considered myself self-sufficient and I was quite content with who I was. Then this girl came into my life and left with my feelings unrequited---there was a closeness with her that I never felt before, but at the same time, because of my lack of friendships, it probably wasn't that much. It just seemed like that. She has a strong social life, so I'm sure I wasn't viewed as much to her, just a school buddy to pass the time. Now I feel so needy, like I need some requited love to get me through this.

I never showed too much interest in her; I maintained the right balance. It's funny because I don't think I was ever this much myself with anyone before, not even with the couple friends I have. But now she's gone forever and it seems like a whole lot of me is gone too. She's forgotten me and I feel so hopeless and needy and it's eating me up inside. I don't know if any of you have felt this way and if you do, what tips you can give me. It hurts me to think that some other guy can get through to her, while I couldn't. She had influenced my life so much, because I discovered a side of me I didn't know, and she'll never know. I wanted it to be the other way around; I wanted to influence HER, give her what I have to offer, but I don't think I made a lasting impression at all.

I still hold onto the hope she'll contact me one day. Stupid, I know, but it's a hard feeling to get rid of, especially when you don't have many friends. It's so dumb; she's obviously not into me. Why am I having so much trouble letting go?


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  • Because you have nothing else to occupy your time/energy/thoughts/feelings. If all you do is sit around moping then you're never going to feel better. You need to force yourself to move on by making new friends, meeting new girls, etc. As soon as you meet another girl you will barely even think about this one.

  • Hey man

    I really really understand what you're feeling because you pretty accurately described my situation at the moment aswell. I'm an introvert but I managed to become close friends with this beautiful sociable girl, and now she's moving back to her home town soon, and it's left me feeling a bit scared and unhappy.

    Having said that, I don't really have much in the way of advice as I'm struggling to cope with this thing myself. All I do know is that there must be something missing in myself if I am constantly trying to be with her, and when I'm not I'm thinking about her. I think the neediness is only the tip of the iceberg. What lies beneath is probably insecurity, lack of fulfillment, false beliefs etc.

    Hang tight man

    p.s. Watch 500 Days of Summer.

    • Funny thing about 500 days....I saw it first before this whole situation and viewed it one way...I didn't really get it....and then I saw it after this situation....and, well, I saw it in a whole new light.