Unavailable = Unattractive ??

So I am now no longer single, but it seems that I am all of a sudden the most unsought after female ever. Nobody hits on me any more even when I just go out with the girls... Is there something that makes me undesirable? Please answer this for me

I need to clear this up... No I am not trying to cheat on my boyfriend. I am just trying to access the reason behind my lack of male approaches since I am in a relationship? My boyfriend doesn't come out with me and no one knows I am in a relationship.
Thanks for all the comments. This question is resolved


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well there could be several reasons. Your girlfriends could be mentioning it around they guys so they get the attention. I see this often when meeting several girls at once. One will usually pipe up and tell me right a way that she is married or taken. Other than that, body language is a big thing (as someone else mentioned) and by the way do you wear a ring on your left ring finger? If I see that I respect that this woman belongs to another man and I will not hit on her. I may have friendly chats but definitely not hit on her. And I guess my last couple ideas; are you more quiet/shy then you use to be? Do you now dress differently? Less sexy when going out?

    • Thanks I really think you have hit the nail on the head with your answer. I guess I am more quiet and toned down than I used to be. I do dress differently having no need to show off. Thank you!!!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • You said you were no longer single. When you are in a relationship, unknowingly your body language and facial expressions can take on a look of don't approach.

    I am not sure why you want to be noticed but:

    Having men notice and approach you takes some effort. (Sometimes I wonder if us guys don't try as hard as we should or we used to). Make sure you look available, attractive and approachable. You have to smile and maybe flirt a little. Self confidence will help you. Part of it is mental attitude. Being and acting positive will go along way.

    Again I am not sure why you want guys to hit on you but it does take work.

    • Thanx you are probably right, I must give off some sort of signal saying back off. The only thing is it has never been like this before. I am always hit on and am forever trying to fend off men. So it comes as a shock to not be hit on any more.

  • This is how girls are nowadays. They always need male attention,always need to be texting some guy. When they have a boyfriend there looking for the next or better one or guys to want her. When they don't have a boyfriend there going crazy inside and will do anything to get attention. When a girl can go single for a while,its a turn on to me. It shows self confidence,self reliance and there not desperate. They can do things by themselves. The girls that are wanted long term are the ones that can go without male attention or can be away from their phone for an hour. Maybe its the age of the question asker(no disrespect),of course girls get mature when they get older.

    • Alright here is the full story... I am originally from SA left my beloved boyfriend there and am awaiting for him to get here so we can be together. When I am out I am miserable bcoz I am alone without him (missing him) and yet off limits and watch my friends have fun with 100's of guys while I feel left out. A nice guy noticing me would be nice. Didn't think it would cause such an uproar

    • Haha! Well your posting the question to some guys that can't stand girls that always need attention but that's all is available to them. The type of girls that aren't that way are being treated like princesses by their boyfriend,most likely,cause they know the have a unique and rare girl. It can be frustrating to guys nowadays because the only girls available are slutty,need constant attention which means high maintenance because how much time they require not money.

    • Thanks for your advice... After all this I realise that I have no need for guys to hit on me because I am already validated by my boyfriend!!! :)

  • Even if I saw you and thought your were attractive I probably wouldn't even bother saying anything. I am fed up with approaching women like you only seeking attention and not being available.

    Seriously - stay at home. If you're single then by all means get out there and mingle.

    Too many attached people looking for validation and need to get over themselves.

    • I am sorry that you feel this way. I realise that I come across as vain and conceited. But the point I am trying to make is that none of these guys know I am not single. So what's the problem?/

    • Show All
    • Haha that's such an great comment "I will be happy if we had sex. This way you feel wanted and I get laid." Girls always take me so serious when I make comments like that. I'm joking and they flip out on not being a gentleman and I'm an asshole. Great humor!

    • Hence why I said this was no place to be joking!

  • yes because for some reason when one is not looking, the getting hit on happens, when one is looking is ceases, due to what I think is body language. when you are attached behavior is not for looking for someone and when single is when you might be looking. and people always want what they can't have.

    • Thats my reasoning behind my question... Supposedly when you are unattached there is scarce amount of men, and vice verca for when you are attached. So I was just confused.

      I love my boyfriend and couldn't really care if I appear undesirable by any other man aside from my boyfriend but it just eludes me why...

  • Your question is the answer.

    Unless the guy has super confidence, doesn't care that you have a man, and/or can overcome the behavior you put out from having a boyfriend. I don't see why a normal dude would just come up to you and talk when he's probably looking for someone who is available. Guys like challenge but not impossibility.

  • Well, its hard to say what's wrong. Do you walk with your head up and make eye contact? Maybe show more then skin then you do now. Maybe your putting too little or too much makeup that could make you unattractive. Do you wear green eye shadow? Because that to me is very unattractive on any woman. Maybe you come off as not being friendly and that makes you unapproachable. Maybe your dressing too slutty. Believe it or not, some guys actually don't like that in a woman.

    • I show enough skin but don't like to dress like a slut. My make up is definitely not over done but rather natural and slightly darker for nights out (dont wear eye shadow) And I am very friendly and would say completely approachable. But thanks for the response

    • Keep up the not dressing slutty. Girls think they need to show so much skin. If a girl wants to be taken serious,get respect and seen as girlfriend material then dress a little modest. I'm not saying super modest just not slutty. It's so sexy! There's times to dress slutty,when your alone or whatever. A lady in the streets a freak in the sheets is very accurate!

  • Well Ok I'm confused. Sure it could be what the other guy said. Noe you're in a relationship so maybe you don't put yourself out there like you used to. But isn't all this irrelevant? You have a boyfriend now so shouldn't you not care or actually be rather pleased that guys aren't hitting on you because you're not available? I mean you'd just be wasting their time.

    • True it should be completely irrelevant. But as a female I need admires even if I am no longer on the market. Need afirmation that I am still good looking. And more than anything I want my boyfriend to be proud to have me in public. And for some reason I get that from having guys hit on me.

  • your not single no more, why would you want guys to hit on you? you already have a boyfriend.

    and it means that whoever they are , they respect you and your boyfriend nd not try to ruin the relationship

    • I was talking about all the males who are completely unaware that I am not single. I have just moved to a new country and nobody knows who I am or whether I have a boyfriend so I was asking why there was now a lack in guys... This is all just for arguments sake.

  • I think its the way you carry yourself. Or maybe its just all in your head?

    • Wish it were all in my head. But I don't even have guys looking my way any more :(

  • well for crying out loud, consider this a GOOD THING. Most men actually LOGICALLY understand that it's stupid/shady to go after unavailable women. I don't know why you girls have ass backward thinking...being MORE attracted to unavailable men and despising SINGLE men who are available.

    It sounds to me you are looking for attention. If I was your boyfriend I would be p*ssed.

    • I don't know what your problem is and you obviously haven't really followed any of this question. My boyfriend quite understands the situation. And the question is resolved so thank you for this answer.

What Girls Said 3

  • As the others said below, body language, how you act, what you wear, and how you carry yourself around others impacts the male gender significantly. When I was in a relationship other guys were still attractive but kept a good distance between themselves and me because I was hands off. Now since I'm newly single there is a whole new array of guys checking me out and taking interest in me. Why you may ask? My body language changed. I'm more opened in the way I carry myself when I walk. I smile more then ever, laugh carelessly, and sorta look vulnerable.

    Also do you wear any rings? That is usually a sign to a guy your committed to another person.

    You might now notice it how you enclose yourself to other guys. Lastly, stop worrying about what other guys think and focus on your boyfriend. You don't need other guys opinions anymore because they don't matter anymore. I'm sure you look stunning when you go out with your friends but ask yourself if "YOU" are good enough for "YOU"!

    • Thanks for the advice!!! Its just that I haven't seen my boyfriend for over 3 months and am starting to need the reasurance that I am still looking great. My friends and I will go out and they will both be hit on continulessly where as I will just be left out. (boyfriend but no boyfriend)

    • Confidence and attraction starts from the inside out. Find happiness and beauty, or even a sexy, hot mama no one can resist inside of you first. I promise you guys notice when you feel good about yourself and when you have no confidence. If this doesn't work then look good for your girlfriends. Who cares about the others, well right now haha!

  • Well, if someone knows that you're in a relationship, why are they going to bother hitting on you when they know they don't really have a chance?

    If they're people who don't know that you're attached, then it's probably just in your head that less people are hitting on you, or you're carrying yourself in a different way that makes people uninterested.

    But more importantly, why do you care?

    • I am in a completely different country so no one knows I am currently unavailable.

      I don't think I carry myself any differently but I'll have a look at it the next time I go out.

      And then I care cause I want to know that I am still worth going for. Want to know that I still got it. If you get what I mean...

  • Firstly. If guys don't approach you, it doesn't mean that they aren't looking.

    Secondly. The guys who look but don't approach are they ones who respect both you and your boyfriend. A respectable guy is not going to want to upset either you or your boyfriend and is not going to want to get into some situation where he gives you a compliment and your other half starts an arguement.

    I used to think how you do, but trust me it isn't true. I found out recently that a few guys like me, and when I asked them why they had only just admitted it to me, they told me it was because I had a boyfriend and they didn't want to do anything which would cause a rift.

    Would you flirt with a guy who had a girlfriend?

    Don't think that you aren't attractive to other men. Just see it as them giving you some respect.

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