Is it wrong to want a manlier guy and reject this "nice" guy?

So firstly I have yet to meet this guy in person (we first chatted about a class we have together.) And yet I can't help but feel he likes me already (way too fast for me). I could be wrong, but either way my actual problem is i'm not at all attracted to him, he's a good looking guy, but he's too girly for me. I am not even that girly, I was always sorta into manlier things like cars, sports, hiking, etc. The more I find out about him, the more turned off I am. I'm not saying I want a wrestler or a really macho guy, but I want to feel like a girl when I'm with a guy, and not like I am manlier than him or that I have to take on ALL the dominating qualities. he's a really nice guy, but I always see backlash given to girls because they dont "give the nice guy a chance". Now i'm starting to think the rejection is justified for some of them.
  • Yes, its wrong because...
    Vote A
  • No, you can be attracted to whoever you like
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your poll is backing me into a corner here.

    No, it's not wrong at all. Women are wired to desire guys who can lead/protect, just as men are wired to desire girls who will support/follow him. It's simple biology.

    So no, it's not wrong for you to not like this guy because he doesn't fit that kind of criteria. By all means, set him as a friend.

    But I'm not gonna say you should just go wherever your attraction leads you. I mean, that's partly why Hitler got so powerful. Many a German woman immediately ripped their clothes off and blindly followed his words like they were written in stone.

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    • Ugh no lol, I was explaining to another that Im not looking for a lucha libre, just whatever is "normal". Its even weird saying that because you can't really judge what is normal. But whatever it is, I think this guy is just below whats normal, and its too sensitive/girly for me

    • I understand that, and it's perfectly fine. I'm just making sure you're not one of those "the heart wants what it wants" types.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Did you give him a chance? Or did you decide that he's too much of a pretty boy and spend the date finding reasons to validate that stance? If you don't feel anything for him that's okay, you can't force emotions. But it's pretty unrealistic to turn someone down because they don't fit this fantasy you've played out in your head. If you haven't heard him out and tried to find any compatibility then I suggest you try it. He might just surprise you.

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What Guys Said 29

  • A "manlier" guy can also be a nice guy. You just don't want a man who is too nice and sensitive that he is also a pushover. At the same time, you don't want a guy who isn't nice because then you're going to get a jerk who will just use you for sex, cheat on you, possibly beat you, etc.

    The "normal" definition for both men and women has changed drastically since decades ago when we were all expected to conform to society's expectations of us. Thanks to movements like feminism encouraging men to be the opposite of masculine, you'll find that many younger men these days aren't exactly the stereotypical definition of manly or "normal." Plenty of women as well, for example, aren't even shaving their armpits or leg hairs when that used to be normal behavior of them. If you want a masculine male, I hope you're at least a feminine female. You like to wear dresses, etc.

    What normal used to be for men was a guy who wouldn't express his feelings or emotions to you out of fear he'd be emasculated for it. Do you really want a guy who isn't open with you? It's unhealthy for a guy to not be allowed to express himself, especially to the woman he should be able to trust, and I think that's partly why there are so many violent men and the suicide rates are so high for us. I think there are certain things society should encourage in men that are not exactly the norm. It's not unmanly for a guy to cry, it's just unmanly for him to wear your skirts and most guys aren't going to do that anyway.

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  • No, but with the footnote that you tell him why. Most non-aggressive guys will have no idea what's wrong with them and won't ask. If you tell, at least they'll know for future's sake.

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  • honestly. I've always felt like manlier men are to tough for girls. I'm not exactly girly, but I spend time looking good and enjoy shopping too. I love to work out and I'm a techie. But I would go someone in it middle. maybe slightly girly. usually guys who are like that and straight are nicer and treat the said girl a little better. that's what I believe. I've always thought girls are into metro men.

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    • No thats fine, like i said anything normal is good, I dont want a macho but I dont want too girly.

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    • there's nothing wrong with shopping I love shopping and just looking at clothes in general, and hygiene and self care is good ofc!

    • I do agree on that.

  • Of course. Go for what you like. This is way more common than you think.
    This new crop of boys raised under the FI are a weak bunch of cry babies. Most of the girls are bored to tears with them. They're wishy-washy, can't lead, can't make a decision, are awful in bed, and cry a lot.
    :)

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  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(d).gif

    Ah well... Nice guys finish last once again.

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-zoom(a).gif

    Gender roles for the win!

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  • I think it's both. You have the right to like what you like. Although we often judge people to harshly before we know anything about them.

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    • I've known him for about 2 months now, do you think thats too little time?

    • I don't know. I have no relationship experience. I also can't see the line between different forms of relationships like between acquaintance and friendship. I personally don't really trust my judgements, although I would suggest whatever is comfortable for you.

  • it's your choice, but it would be wise to reject him, he's not be fun later on as well, but try and remain friends with him, it will work in your favor, they compliment a lot, you can ask him to bring condoms so you can bang your boyfriend, and he'll do it, haha

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  • what I the manluer guy is just a douche who doesn't care for you and just wants sex?

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    • *manlier

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    • Thanks for your insight

    • anytime ✌

  • You are a woman. Women are biologically inclined to seek out a strong, dominant mate. The whole nice guy routine is simply the only chance a non dominant guy has of getting a woman because they cannot compete with the dominant males. It's not wrong to be attracted to the manlier guys more as they are the most likely to give you security and provide for you.

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  • Boys used to aspire towards being macho when i was growing up. We wanted to be clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis or big Arnie. Wtf happened to the guys these days. Too much media influence is what I guess it is. They encourage girls to be manly and men to be girly but deep down men want girly girls and women want manly men so the heart n mind are in conflict.

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  • If you don't think he's the right person for you then don't worry about it. You don't have to like someone or take pity on them just because they're nice.

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  • Well its not wrong to reject him because you wouldn't of enjoyed the relationship and he would of been even sadder if you left him after trying

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  • If you don't ind him attractive then there's no point in trying to date him. I'm really curious what about him is "girly" though, and if your impression of him being too girly is accurate or just based on appearances / first impression.

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  • Manly and nice are not mutually exclusive. You just don't like him because he's boring (to you) and that's fine.

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  • Depends... Do you like men who have these qualities because you have fun with men who happen to enjoy these things or do you like the idea of a man that likes these things because you believe it fits into a masculine ideal? If it's the latter, than you might want to reevaluate your priorities and your definition of masculinity. A man doesn't have to like these things to be masculine nor does liking these things make one a man. For example, I would argue that I am far from a man's man, but I love all of the things you listed...

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  • Could you get into a little more detail? Examples of some of his behaviors and personality traits that lead you to classify him as girly?

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  • I was put in a position like that. It ended very badly because i wasn't really into her. Dont waste both lf each others time if you dont like him that way. You will end up hurting him a lot.

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    • See the thing is, in my eyes this is only a friendship/study buddy thing. But Im worried he has other plans. I think slowly Im getting the message across?

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    • Yeah thats a possibility, its just he's asked me out numerous times so I assumed it was on the edge of friendly and leading somewhere else

    • Oh, you didn't mention that. He definitely is into you.

  • maybe he hasn't ever had the chance to do some of those things. if not for my dad I wouldn't hunt or fish camping or working with tools to fix a car or repair a car.

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    • No I dont think its that. Its just his personality, he even tells me that.

  • Nice is boring. You want a British guy, to treat you mean.

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  • It's only wrong if you are mean or disrespectful when rejecting the nice guy.

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  • no that's your prerogative but don't complain when the manly guy cheats on you with a hotter, skinnier chick and dumps you

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  • Not at all you can be attracted to whoever you like to 😊

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  • Nothing wrong with that.

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  • You can date a 4'2 black man if you want.

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  • Yes, its wrong because...

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  • I feel a man needs the right balance between masculinity and sensitivity
    Either extreme and it won't last

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  • Typical female. You'll want the other guy in a few years, after The Wall has had its way with you. Hopefully he will tell you to fuck off.

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    • You didn't even read it thoroughly did you

    • No need to. The title alone tells me everything about you.

    • Well considering that nearly all the guys agree with me and say its okay and that Im NOT being superficial, your opinion doesn't matter. Why are you answering if you aren't gunna read it? Oh well, good luck with your life and thanks for your insight anyway.

  • A manly man is hard to come by these days.. I would go for it
    The other guy will probably identify as an 11 year old girl next week

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    • I agree, especially the guys my age and in the west, a lot of them are too concerned with looks and luxury or they're just too soft

  • It's not wrong to not be attracted to him. What IS wrong is that women tell men it's OK to be sensitive and that nice guys don't finish last because it's dishonest. TELL GUYS THE TRUTH rather than setting them up for failure.

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    • I like sensitivity but when its the right time you know? Like there are times to open up, there are times where opening up or crying is good, I dont want a robot. But I dont want to be comforting you about something that happened 7 years ago, and I dont want you crying about something in public. And reason is because even I dont do that. You have to understand a woman expects to be comforted and protected. If you're crying about menial things it tells her that you can't protect her. And ofc Im not saying a woman can't take care of herself, im saying the attraction is gone because this all boils down to instincts.

    • Everything you just wrote here ^^ is 100% consistent with what I wrote. The important thing is you were honest about it. Most women are not, and that is very misleading to guys and sets them up to fail.

What Girls Said 6

  • You're not obligated to be attracted to anyone. If he's not your type, he's not your type. That's okay. Just be aware that "nice" and "manly" are in no way mutually exclusive.

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  • It's never wrong to not be attracted to or not want to date someone, for any reason. That's not something you have control over. There are tons of nice people in the world, doesn't mean you're going to be into all of them.

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  • It's not wrong. I love manly, commanding, controlling douchebags but on the other hand, nice shy guys are always fun to be with.

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  • you don't need to justify your choices to the society lol.. you do you

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  • It's your own personal preference and if that's what you like then that's what you go for

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  • It's not.

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