How could I have done a better job?

My love interest and I broke up last week due to bad communication, which ended up blowing up a problem that was originally small (pace of relationship). We dated for 3 months.

She told me she wanted to go slow in the beginning, but as this was my first relationship, I did my best to go "slow" without getting all the details of what that entailed. I thought more on the physical realm, like making out, sex, etc.

First two months went great, third month was a gradual decline. She did not mention that anything was wrong and I asked her on multiple occasions about what's bothering her. It was pretty obvious that something was during the last month. When she finally came out with "I think we're going too fast", she dumped me a few seconds after. It was the first time I heard of that, so I had no idea it was coming.

It's over with, but I want to pick up what I could have done better. I didn't know what was going on so I felt responsible. What are signs that I could have picked up that would point to her being uncomfortable with the pace of the relationship? Was there a way I could have asked her about this (specific, I asked in general and she said no prob)?

Lastly, how exactly do you go "slow"? No uses of terms of endearment (ie, g'morning beautiful!, hey pretty, use of hearts or w/e)? No "girlfriend" label? We kissed, held hands, cuddled, but did not go further. Was I right for doing that?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. I'm just trying to figure out what I could do to do a better job next time. Thanks!

Forgot to mention; when I did ask her if there was a problem, she usually just said that she was busy on all occasions. I found out later that it was a lie to cover the fact that she was worrying about the pace we were going. I didn't see past it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You really didn't do anything wrong. The only thing I could suggest you correcting in the future is this: next time, if you think things are awry, make her sit down and explain her feelings to you. Honesty and openness are essential. Just tell her "Look, I really think something's bothering you. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about things. I wanna know what you're thinking." Ideally, they'll tell you. Maybe you might have to try more than once. Maybe they won't talk at all. But it's worth the effort.

    That's the only thing I have to say. She definitely did nothing to give you a heads-up. But it'll be alright; if you can land one girl, then you'll find another who likes you soon enough. Just remember this tip, do as you were before with everything else, and good luck!


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What Girls Said 1

  • Hmmm... Strange. To me, if I say I want to go "slow," it means on a physical level.

    Unless you were showering her with love declarations and attention, I don't get it. Was that the case? Maybe she thought you guys were getting too serious emotionally?

    • Exactly, perhaps it was in relation to the emotional level like you suggested. I pretty much thought of a witty compliment to send her each morning, you know, to get a smile when she wakes up and reads the text. That's about it.

    • Yeah, I see what you mean. Maybe she felt like it was too much for her... Try to keep that for later next time.

What Guys Said 2

  • Wait wth? I thought when someone says "lets take things slow" it's meant on the physical level. I never knew there was another meaning to that word...

    • My thoughts exactly. I was confused as hell. Maybe she meant emotional level or something.

  • In this situation you couldn't have done a better job. The onus for this failure is entirely on the girl. She sounds like she really had no idea what she wanted in a relationship. I don't understand her meaning of the word "slow". In the future I suppose you could ask what someone means by "slow" since everyone is going to have a different perception. However, I've never run across a girl like this.

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