Attracted to dysfunctional men?

I'm a girl that has her life together. I'm financially stable, been at my job for 5 years, attractive, and I'm an RN. However, I'm always attracted to train wrecks and not sure why. I have confidence in myself and I'm not stuck-up. I was in a relationship for 8 years and left the guy who was a lot like me in stability, but then I started to go on dates with men who were far from normal. Seven months later, I know that I should be with someone who has their life together, but I can't stop being attracted to men who are physically attractive with a lot of issues. These are issues that if I were to stick around with the guy, I'm bound to get into trouble some how. That is pretty idiotic but it's the way I feel. Any ideas?


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  • I noticed this question about being attracted to men with "problems", I seem to have the same problem. I was wondering if you're still finding yourself in the same situations or do you seem to recognize it before you start to date them? I know I should probably get out or that it might change or I may even help them some how. I dunno, it's some need to fix them or something. Maybe because my life growing up was so screwed up...who knows. Anyway, if you've found a way to stop the cycle please let me know. Thank you.

  • 8 years is a long time, you're looking for variety, it will pass. Also never underestimate the power of deluding yourself into thinking your love can change a man, especially if you are a particularly confident girl, you may fall into this slightly narcassistic trap, it's not your fault, it's also combinded, perhaps with our mothering instincts which are also strong. Make sure you don't let these loosers bring down that confidence though, some men thrive on pulling down a strong confident women. You may think you can see it coming but it can come in forms you never expect.

    • You're right. I read what you wrote a few times. I'm looking for something different, and then I want to mold it into something that's considered 'normal'. It seems like people are pretty much set in their ways in their mid-twenties. It is impossible to change someone and not a good idea to attempt. In the end, the person is still not what someone would be looking for anyway. True colors always come out. I'm always open for criticism and strive to be a good person.

    • In my opinion people are who they are, and they won't change unless they themselves want to for reasons that are totally internal to them. I don't think it's fair to try and change someone, either accept them or move on.

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