I don't understand attraction?

I see a lot of dudes that look like me that get good looking girls as girlfriends, they even bang them and stuff. I will notice girls will chase the guy and the guy will have a hard time figuring out she likes him, then they will end up dating, but the girl usually does most of the job.

I never had a girl chasing me like that except for my ex. But that was long time ago when I was a teenager. So I really don't understand what these guys are doing to get girls.

I always have to be the one making the first move and I never end up with anybody, they stop responding to my texts or they give me excuses to not go out with me.

Something is wrong.

  • Girls don't know what they want.
    Vote A
  • Just give up. Some guys are born without luck.
    Vote B
  • Girls don't respect you if you really like them.
    Vote C
  • There is no way to find out because girls are just weird.
    Vote D
  • Girls have a secret code and they will never tell you the truth.
    Vote E
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I don't know why you are freeking hot. And dam you have nice arms lol. Sorry I like to look at a guys arms. A lot of my friends do too its the first thing we look at. All I can say is we are weird and don't know what we want and can be shy.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • It really depends on how you carry yourself and what sort of girls you're going for. Some girls can be really cold and bitchy, they'll shoot down any guy. It's also not entirely about looks, I've met quite a few good-looking guys who just didn't have much else going for them or approached me all wrong and it is a massive turn off. Another element to consider is wwhere you're trying to pick girls up, I know far too many guys who try to work the bar scene, and I can say that any girl you meet at a bar is not likely to stick around for long. I usually end up seeing guys for longer periods of time when I meet them doing something I really enjoy, not only does it instantly make conversation super easy because we obviously have something in common to talk about, but I also automatically associate that person with good feelings because I was doing something I really enjoyed when I met them (for example, if I'm at a concert seeing an artist I really like and someone approaches me, there will probably be an instant connection of some sort because we are enjoying something together)

    Maybe focus less on the physical side of things and take a look at how suave your moves are, and hey, it's not so bad to be the one who initiates things. Although the feeling of being chased is awesome sometimes, it's just not in the cards for everyone...

    • Aproached you all worng?

  • thats funny I always feel like I have to chase the guys I want, the ones that chase me are mentally unstable creepers. your probably just going after the wrong women, and yes I am probably going after the wrong guys.

    • LOL! You are one of those bitches. What did you voted for?

  • well I think it's more personal life experiences and what you and her prefer in each other when it comes up to things, than just "looks".

    I mean, I liked my guy because he was tall and toned. But the thing that got us together was that we knew each other since elementary school, 2 years after college we find each other on facebook and happen to both be in the same state for the next few months. It didn't depend on looks mostly but how we felt about the strange situation that made us come together.

    Try just relaxing, and enjoying life and seeing whoever comes in your life comes and let it flow from there. Like my best friend worked with a guy for about a year in her masters program, and then they were like... wow we worked really well on this project together maybe we are a good fit for one another. And she didn't really like him at first, because he was a little bit short but she got to know him really well and decided they were good for each other. Stuff like that. I mean, some times it can be the looks that bring you luck but some times it is other circumstances that will bring you luck if you get what I mean.

    well good luck anyways.

  • lol these voting options suck! and they can all apply to men as well!


What Guys Said 3

  • Attraction. The emotion that we think of highly and assume is the most important thing in the world. I used to come up with theories saying that attraction is physical attraction and mental attachment, plus self-attribution (accepting about ourselves that we are attracted).

    I was wrong.

    Attraction is merely the desire to possess another person. There is nothing "sublime" about it. The way it works is - you show an image of yourself that people would immediately want. Put the cake there, let them try it for a moment - but when they like it, you don't just pass them the cake. Nooo. You just take it away with you for the next time you meet, and give them tiny portions of it. And if the cake is delicious, they will be begging for more.

    THAT is attraction. Desiring the attention of the person we want attention from. But if they give it to us, then there would be no frustration - no emotional impact - no suffering. This suffering is necessarily as it increases the worth of you "giving them cake" later on. The less they get, the more they value it. The more they have to wait, the more value it gets. (But you mustn't hide the cake for an eternity as they will get bored of desiring it).

    (sidenote, I voted C. If you show that you like them too much, then the outcome is obvious, and they won't be frustrated to get your attention, as they'll know that you are already willing to give it away. The more frustrated they get for not getting what they want for a while, the more they'll love it when you give it to them - so if you already give a lot, they'll get bored of it and won't look at it highly.)

    So what exactly is it that you need to have in order to be attractive?

    I can only speak for myself, but I can somewhat tell what an "attractive personality" is. And I'm similar to girls in various ways regarding these subjects, so this might help. Whenever someone is really good at something, and can talk about it passionately - to be skilled at something, to be talented, and live to love it and love to live it - that's what makes one attractive. Of course, for girls, it's mostly also important to "have a good time", so humor is essential. The fact is, if you have a more exciting date, then all other emotions will be stronger as well. Maybe that could help. :P

    Oh, and if they don't like your humor, then you're screwed. But why would you be with them, then... xP

  • I would not choose any of the voting options. Girls are complicated, but all your reason sound like a man that has given up and girls don't like that. Girls want someone who WANTS them in their life and not someone who NEEDS them in their life. The best way to get a girl is to first have a good sized group of friends. 1 of 2 things will happen. Your friends might bring someone into the group and you and her may hit it off nicely or 2 because of your group of friends you will have enough confidence to approach women or women may even check you out with your group of friends.

    • I have friends. Both girls and guys. It doesn't help. Well, they are not intimate friends, just people I hang out with, but they are many for sure.

  • Funny how no girl voted for C, though of course it's obvious that if they think A is correct then they can't know C is the truth. Bwahahahah. xD