If he's not attracted to my looks at all, then why did he decide to pursue me rather than just be friends with me?

Mainly looking for a guy's perspective here...do you (guys) ever pursue a girl purely because she has a great/attractive personality? As in, you're really not very attracted to her physically, but there's something about her personality that you're drawn to?

I assumed that this guy was attracted to me physically because he really did not know me well at all yet would stare/flirt/be all over me, but as we've gotten to talking more, he's made comments that suggest that he's not very attracted to me physically (we've only known each other for 5ish weeks). Yet he put a good amount of effort into seducing me/getting to know me from the beginning (I made it clear to that I wasn't going to be an easy hookup too). I'm so confused...if he was looking for a f-buddy, wouldn't he go for some girl who's body he liked? who he finds hot? I mean, I think I have a decently cute figure and a pretty face but from the things he's said, I really don't think he's into me physically. Yet his body language says otherwise. If he's not attracted to my looks at all, then why did he decide to pursue me rather than just be friends with me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some women have this effect on me aswell, I just like the way they are when they make me feel comfortable, loved, wanted. I had a girl-as-a-friend who was, lets not beat around the bush here, a bit of a big girl, but! she was so sweet, always hugging me, listening to my problems, giving advice, just being there...I loved her for that, but she wasn't to my taste (I like petite girls to be honest!) but then I found I couldn't stop kissing her, getting aroused when she hugged me. I started flirting with her as well, that's what really ruined our friendship...I don't know, it was like I found my perfect woman, in a way I did, but I really didn't find her attractive in looks. I think some women can do this to a guy, only advice I can give you - before your friendship is ruined like mine was...is to distance yourself, be cruel to be kind sort of thing, it's the only way.

    • well that's kind of the thing...i would have been MORE than happy to be just acquaintances/friends. he made all of the advances and set the "i want more than friends" tone...which confuses me because then he goes and makes these comments suggesting he's not attracted to me, ironically, after he's started kissing me and continues to make out w me after

    • Then like I said - you need to back off and distance yourself from him, don't give him a reason to get worked up over you. Tell him straight, to his face, that your into that sort of thing with him and that you only want a platonic relationship. Hope that helps...

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What Guys Said 4

  • Forget what this guy was, some guys are just too desperate they don't even think straight. This guy wanted your body, it was a solely animal attraction and he DID find you hot of course.

    Listen, that one special guy who TRUELY falls in love with you, will NEVER fall in love with your body, he will be smart and gentleman enough to look beyond the cleavage right into your heart. It is another thing if you are generally 'considered' to be attractive or not, but a guy who GENUINELY falls in love with you will be blinded by your inner beauty. I have wanted to f*** Megan fox but love is the wrong word people use for it.

    So consider yourself lucky if you didn't end up in a relationship with a pervert who's brain is in his penis. And no one needs to tell you that you are gorgeous by the will of God. Every single girl is, it's the role a woman plays on this planet. So don't lose hope on your appearance and always know that you don't have to look sexual and seductive to make guys fall in love with you, because to a real man it is not what matters. It is the inner you who comes out when you speak. Sure physical beauty is a plus for sex, but it is SO NOT related to a person worthy of love. Remember that. You deserve to be loved and should wait for the guy who is intellegent enough for you.

    Forget what this guy was, some guys are just too desperate they don't even think straight.

    • Very well put...shallow is shallow... a real man loves the woman within...not the body outside.

    • Yeah, and a girl should never give importance to losers. They are just not worth being thought of.

    • thank you. I needed to hear this. I got caught up in his comments but really, I should have realized that a guy worth my time would never make such comments in the first place.

  • there hasn't been a time where I have seriously pursued a girl because of her looks solely. I like to think of looks as an appetizer. it gets you interested, but prepares you for the better meal so to speak. most of the time, I try to get to know the person more personally before I pursue anything.

    as for this guy yur talking about, there's a chance that maybe he was slightly attracted to yur physical stature. id be willing to bet that there's something else to it though. maybe he liked the way you carried yurself on a confidence level. just the way you carried on yur daily routine. little things like that are taken into account without much notice at all

    • yeah I mean I realize looks aren't everything but in order for sexual attraction to happen they definitely count. like you said, they're like an appetizer. when a guy seems interested in me, I assume that they at least are a little bit physically attracted to me though, otherwise why not just be friends?

  • well I'll tell you this, not every guy just wants sex. I for one want to find love, get married, have 2 kids, and move to oregon. could be that he's like me, and does value personality over looks. as for his apparently seductive advances, it's possible he believes that's the only sure fire way to get a girl's attention. however it's also possible that he is just looking for sex and doesn't think he can land anyone more atractive.

    • yeah...when we first started talking, I definitely thought he was just out for sex and so I explicitly told him (on more than one occasion) that I was not looking to just hook up and I refused to have sex or even foreplay until verrryyy recently. so maybe he wanted the challenge? idk.

  • He just sounds horny to me. Not every girl I've being with was physically attractive, but least it was pussy. But normally I would not pursue a girl I wasn't attacted to even if she had a good personality. I like intelligent conversation, but I can get that from my buddies. So I'm satisfied in that area.

    • YEAH see that's the thing. he's said that he likes the way I "roll with the jokes" but uh don't his buddies do that too? I don't see why he'd put effort (even bought me a gift) into seducing a girl he wasn't physically attracted to. personally, if I like a guy's personality but am not physically attracted to him I become friends with him.

What Girls Said 1