What was the point in leading me on?

I’m wondering why a guy would bother leading someone on if they were getting nothing big (i.e. sex) in return? I was with a guy for several months that I had very strong feelings for. We were not officially dating and he told me he needed time to decide. We kissed, made out, slept together (no sex), he’d buy me dinner, we hung out all the time, etc. He knew I wouldn’t have sex with someone I wasn’t dating. We were both in college and he took a semester off. After he left, he continued to text me every day all day, mostly “dirty” texts, and we instant messaged or talked on the web cam every night. He often would ask me to pose in my underwear or naked, which I started to refuse to do. He said he loved me and cared a lot about me and wished he could be with me. In fact, he even started making plans for us, as if we had a future. I knew there was a girl back home that really liked him. He was hanging out with her a lot so I started keeping tabs on her. I told him if he wanted to pursue her or anyone else, I totally understood if he needed someone who was there in the flesh, but he just needed to be honest with me about her, and he agreed that he would tell me first if he decided to date her or found someone else. He also insisted she was just a friend and he was only hanging out with her because he was bored and she was the only one who had time. Then one day I heard he sent the girl flowers. I asked him about it and he did not admit or deny anything, just insisted on knowing who told me because they were making him “look bad.” I felt that I was very reasonable about everything, and was deeply hurt by the way he handled it, so I stopped returning his texts. He called that afternoon to ask if I was OK, saying he was worried about me. That night he apparently asked the other girl to be his girlfriend. He never bothered to mention that on the phone. It was his birthday the next day so I texted him a happy birthday message. He answered, and again did not mention the girl. I had to find out hours later on Facebook when he made their relationship status “official.” After seeing it I told him we needed to talk but he said his phone was dead, so he got online and we chatted. He finally admitted it. So what was the point of him fooling around with me if he wasn’t getting sex? What was so hard about telling me the truth? I just don’t get it. And it hurts.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry hun. But there's no point in trying to figure out his motives, because you know he wasn't being authentic. At least you've learned and gained experience from this tough lesson. Now you know to never settle for a guy who doesn't treat you with respect. If a guy was really sincere, he would want to be official with you if you've been involved physically - not even just straight up sex.


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  • well if you didn't get an answer from him then I don't think we can provide you with one other than he is selfish.

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