Should I be hurt?

My boyfriend and I were talking and the subject came up about my body for some reason. He said he likes to have "cushion". So then I asked, "do I have enough cushion for you?" and he quickly replied "no". So I said "you want me to gain weight?" and he said "you've said you wanted to before, I'm just agreeing with you". So then I got upset, because he made it sound like he didn't like the way I look now. So then he said " It's just a preference. I'm sure there are things you'd prefer from me if you had the choice". So I kept asking if he liked the way I looked and he said "I love you the way you are, just like the way I love myself. I would change things about myself if I could". Then I told him how it hurts to hear from someone you love that you're "not enough" of something for them. Then he said "that's not what I meant, what I meant was that if you happened to be that way I could still dig it". Then I told him that that's not what he said to me earlier at all. He kept saying that's not what he meant, and I kept asking him if that's not what he meant, then why did he keep saying things like that until he realized he hurt my feelings and if he really meant the things he initially said and said he meant something else just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Then he said he didn't know how to answer that. So I told him that all I want is to feel beautiful and perfect to him. Then he said I was beautiful and more perfect to him than anything else. So I said "then please don't tell me that I should change how I look or that you would find me more attractive if I looked a certain way because it hurts". He apologized, but I can't help thinking in the back of my mind all the things he said to me: I should gain weight, I don't have enough cushion for him, he would prefer if I looked different, that he would change me if he could.

(I'm not super skinny, I'm a healthy weight, 5'7 125 lbs.)

My feelings are still hurt. Maybe I just needed to vent, but you can reply to this if you want. Thanks.

Thanks for all ur replies guys it really helped me. It was good to hear other guys perspectives other than my bf's. Everything is better between us, I just got my feelings hurt because, being a girl, I'm extremely sensitive (as much as I try not to be).


Most Helpful Guy

  • You overreacted. You also over-analyzed his answers.

    "if that's not what he meant, then why did he keep saying things like that"

    "he really meant the things he initially said and said he meant something else just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings"

    Of COURSE he doesn't know how to answer that -- nothing he says can satisfy you! If he genuinely meant what he said the first time, you're hurt. If he didn't, you don't believe him, and you're hurt. What you have to realize is that, as he said, everyone has things about themselves (and others) that they would change if they could. People wish their partners made more money -- but are still okay with the amount they currently make. Guys wishing they were in better shape, while at the same time they're still comfortable with their own bodies.

    He told you what he meant, you chose to ignore him and inflate the situation into something much bigger than it had to be - which, sadly, is just something that women do. Guys don't like it. But it (usually) doesn't make us stop liking you. Some guys like to lie to their girlfriends when they're confronted with issues like this - others don't. Your boyfriend is apparently not one of these guys. Neither am I. I wish there were more of us in the world.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Don't feel bad.

    Its not an attack.

    He didn't mean to be unfair.

    I understand why you are upset.

    Girl I know your pain & it hurt so deep, I've been there before.

    Girl told me she wanted me to get braces, and me I know my teeth are the best, but I just wish the situation was different, or she would have done it differently.

    You want to make them happy, and give them whatever they want, but the way they present the situation to you makes you believe they don't like you the way you are.

    I began wondering if there was other things about me that she wanted to change.

    You have the right attitude.

    The way I got through it was by seeing it as: I'm a representation of her.

    I want to represent her in the best way I can. You are a reflection of him.

    If you can see it that way you'll be fine.

    You'll want to be exactly what you think he likes.

    Which I feel you already understand.

    Good Luck Pretty Girl!


    A Loving Black Man

  • Wow. He is a moron. Yeah, you definitely should be hurt. Boyfriends aren't supposed to say that stuff. Be who you want to be, and look how you want, not how anyone else thinks you should. I hope you and your boyfriend can move past this quarrel.

    Best of luck.

    • He's not a moron, for speaking his mind. I do agree she should look how she wants to, but don't call him names because he spoke on his relationship.

      & its not as though he said he didn't want to be with her. Every guy makes a foolish comment in a relationship.


      A Loving Black Man

    • You're right. I would like to clarify that when I said, "moron", I was referring to what he did, not the quality of who he is. So yeah, I do agree with you on all that.

  • LOL. Your boyfriend has learned a valuable lesson. There are times when you simply have to lie in order keep the relationship peace.

    So what if he would prefer you with a little more weight. That doesn't mean that you're a total turn-off the way you are. Cut the guy some slack.

  • I don't think you should be hurt if at that weight and height your definitely not like an disgusting thin now if you were like 100 105 or so then yea but that's a great weight I'm sure you look great and in great shape!


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