My boyfriend and I were talking and the subject came up about my body for some reason. He said he likes to have "cushion". So then I asked, "do I have enough cushion for you?" and he quickly replied "no". So I said "you want me to gain weight?" and he said "you've said you wanted to before, I'm just agreeing with you". So then I got upset, because he made it sound like he didn't like the way I look now. So then he said " It's just a preference. I'm sure there are things you'd prefer from me if you had the choice". So I kept asking if he liked the way I looked and he said "I love you the way you are, just like the way I love myself. I would change things about myself if I could". Then I told him how it hurts to hear from someone you love that you're "not enough" of something for them. Then he said "that's not what I meant, what I meant was that if you happened to be that way I could still dig it". Then I told him that that's not what he said to me earlier at all. He kept saying that's not what he meant, and I kept asking him if that's not what he meant, then why did he keep saying things like that until he realized he hurt my feelings and if he really meant the things he initially said and said he meant something else just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Then he said he didn't know how to answer that. So I told him that all I want is to feel beautiful and perfect to him. Then he said I was beautiful and more perfect to him than anything else. So I said "then please don't tell me that I should change how I look or that you would find me more attractive if I looked a certain way because it hurts". He apologized, but I can't help thinking in the back of my mind all the things he said to me: I should gain weight, I don't have enough cushion for him, he would prefer if I looked different, that he would change me if he could.
(I'm not super skinny, I'm a healthy weight, 5'7 125 lbs.)
My feelings are still hurt. Maybe I just needed to vent, but you can reply to this if you want. Thanks.
Most Helpful Guy
You overreacted. You also over-analyzed his answers.
"if that's not what he meant, then why did he keep saying things like that"
"he really meant the things he initially said and said he meant something else just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings"
Of COURSE he doesn't know how to answer that -- nothing he says can satisfy you! If he genuinely meant what he said the first time, you're hurt. If he didn't, you don't believe him, and you're hurt. What you have to realize is that, as he said, everyone has things about themselves (and others) that they would change if they could. People wish their partners made more money -- but are still okay with the amount they currently make. Guys wishing they were in better shape, while at the same time they're still comfortable with their own bodies.
He told you what he meant, you chose to ignore him and inflate the situation into something much bigger than it had to be - which, sadly, is just something that women do. Guys don't like it. But it (usually) doesn't make us stop liking you. Some guys like to lie to their girlfriends when they're confronted with issues like this - others don't. Your boyfriend is apparently not one of these guys. Neither am I. I wish there were more of us in the world.0