Bigger girl seeking help. Will anyone help me?

OK, so here's the deal. I am 5 foot 4, and weigh 200 lbs, I'm the girl "friend" and I am "one of the guys" when it comes to sports. I've even been called a guy. I don't wear makeup all the time. When I wear makeup like my friends, I feel like I'm wearing a mask. But I'm pretty feminine. I love to dress up and although I don't have the clothes or the money for the clothes, I try to dress feminine once in a while. I have Pretty big boobs, big enough to where no one can miss them no matter what I wear, and a pretty good ass, but the thing is, guys aren't attracted to me. I've been reading about stuff on here and guys always suggest loosing weight will solve all of a big girl's problems.. But It simply doesn't. I'm not changing for any guy. Maybe for myself, but I'm afraid that if I change, either guys will like me, and that will make me feel worse, because that means I have to change for a guy, or guys will still pass me by and I will again feel worse. OK, I just need HELP! Anyone have any advice they can give me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "guys always suggest loosing weight will solve all of a big girl's problems"

    Guys who say this, then say a boob job will solve all of a big girl's problems, maybe a different wardrobe, different hair, etc. What they're saying is: I don't like you. You don't want these guys.

    And you will feel worse if these guys if these guys like you after you lose weight, not because there's anything wrong with you, but because you'd be attracting these shallow nitwits.

    What to do instead? Be fun and flirty and friendly, watch for those guys who like you NOW for who you are. These guys like you for what you can bring to the relationship *right now*, not for how you could change to make them happy.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You should never change for a guy. You should however change for yourself. From a side line view, having that extra weight can affect things such as your career and most importantly, put you at risk for disease and health complications. Do not worry so much about guys for now but rather improve yourself. There are guys out there who are telling you to solve weight to get guys. I however am telling you to lose weight so you don't die when you turn 50 from a stroke,

    If you do want a guy badly though, be sure to put yourself out there. No, not in a slutty way but be open. Join clubs, sports, education, fashion, or whatever suits your personality. Chances are you can meet guys who you will be friends with, if not more. Do not limit yourself to guys with six pack abs, for all you and I both know, the guys with a gut can obviously be far better in the long run.

    • I'm out there. I join clubs and talk to guys, but the thing is that guys just don't like me as anything than a friend. Not that I'm complaining, I've had some really good guy friends. But I'd like to be the girlfriend. I'm the most open and conversational person you will ever meet. And I'm not centering myself around one kind of boy. I also don't base it on looks.. just guys in general.

    • I myself and rather amazed as to why you're not taken! You got the spunk and charisma to put yourself out there but no one is taking the bait. Could it be that your city just plain sucks? Anyways though, it's good you want to be taken. No one wants to be alone. I'm sure you've flirted with guys before, your best bet is to be bold and ask a guy out. Though there are risks but if it's someone say you've met recently, you don't have much "memories" too lose.

  • Guy for formal wear and guys will drop dead in love with you. Dress proper and people will follow. It will get their attention and they won't care even if they knew you because you looking good will make them sink their hearts.

  • im a chubby guy, I'm in the same woods as you, I am only a friend to girls, I'm trying to lose weight the best I can, email me sometime, lets have a chat


What Girls Said 3

  • First things first: I'm not in your situation and I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers. I've never been the girl who's friends with lots of guys. Almost all of the guys I grew up with were abusive, called me fat and ugly. Or they slapped my ass and implied I was a slut. I can't tell you anything that may work for being pulled out of that "one of the guys" area.

    But in regards to feeling more comfortable in your own skin I think I can help. I understand you saying you won't change for a man and that's fine as long as you are happy with that. BUT make sure you are healthy, do it for yourself if you start puffing when you walk up stairs. If you're already healthy here are a few things that'll help. So most guys will just look you over in the street, that's my reality and yours and millions of other women's too. Find your style: you love being feminine then dress in more skirts and dresses. You feel more comfortable in gothic get up? Wear it. Your casual is most people's formal wear? Who cares? It's important to be happy with yourself, it's something that I struggle with everyday but I'm getting better at not pointing out all my flaws in the mirror.

    Find your colour, some look good in beige or black or red or floral. Find what makes you feel good. If you're worried about being top heavy get scoop necked clothing and not low cut stuff. Avoid horizontal lines. Unless you are a size 0 they don't look good on anyone. Maybe try some ruching at the sides and thick corset like waist belts. Bring attention to your curves in the right places. Scour the op shops or try making your own clothes. Ask your hairdresser what cut and colour would be best for you.

    Remember that as long as you are happy and healthy all should be fine. Plus also there are a lot of celebrities that sport larger figures that are happy with who they are like Mercedes on Glee.

    • To comment on both of you. I am comfortable in who I am.. That's the thing.. I love who I am and I want a guy to also. I know what I look good in and what I don't, but I don't have the ability to get the clothing necessary. Right now I need a haircut. I don't have the money to get one. I just want a guy to love me for me... I'm scared that I need to change for that to happen. Crap.. I hate sounding insecure. I hate BEING insecure..

    • Everyone's insecure about something and if you're scared that's normal but you're worried about it. I envy anyone who can truly say they love themselves but even if you think you do nothing's ever perfect and complete. There's room for improvement. As for the monetary issues just have a shop around for jobs, part time, full time and odd jobs. Or try sell some old stuff you have.

  • Love yourself and if you going to loose weight do it for you. Be happy for you who are and if you are happy guys will love you too. If you have low self esteem guys will pick it up and run from you as far as they can. Love yourself a lot too.

  • I'm sorry but you're 5'4 and 200 pounds. This is why you're not attracting any guys. The advice you're getting about losing weight is true. It's not going to solve ALL of your problems but it will help a lot. Take it from me, I'm a fat girl, I didn't always used to be fat. I wear a size 16 but used to wear a size 8. Guess what size I got the most male attention at? Being fat makes a HUGE difference.


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