I'm beginning to wonder if this guy WANTS me to act clingy?

I was in love with my teacher years back. we had an affair after I just graduated but he was really my personal coach.I've always had authority issues. So, he broke my heart. it's a long story. the same month he got his fiance pregnant he left me but I didn't know that then. I figured that out on my own. later I got into opiates to numb the pain because I thought I wanted to be as "icy" as he seemed. Later I did tell him he was the only one in my life I loved. then I became a seasoned professional escort. and he wanted to see me again. I was writing him soul-bearing emails. he seemed to really get into them although he's not the type to soul-bear back. and when he made some sexual passes at me over email by asking all these questions about what makes me hot and bothered. I let him come over. when he did I tried to over-numb myself and instead it backfired because he has an emotional impact on me. and I ended up crying and he ended up coming after a blow job that was the shortest blow job of my life (is that good that he came so quick?) His main goal was to make me come. he didn't but he came really close and considering how many downers were in my body that shouldnt have been possible seeing as nobody has made me come during sex since I've been on the recovery drug which makes it hard to come period. I did mention that in an email but my emails are all so long. Anyway. I haven't cried since at any rate and was more able to forget his visit than before since I had my hustling emotional armor up. I asked him WHY WHY does he keep coming back to me this way. he knows how much it hurts me. and he always makes me come on to him. He acts like he loves me but can't be with the person he loves because he might be rejected. all those years I hated him and thought he was scum. until the last visit when he showed signs he had a conscience. Advice from GUYS? For once I think that I AM the one that needs the chase while he needs to be needed.

You also need to understand I have no problem being alone for the rest of my life. I am manically independent. I've never felt this tenderness from or for anybody else.

Okay- 5 days later- I have a voicemail from him I just found where he asks me. well he wants to give me what I want, what do I want? I hope this isn't just a sexual probe. He called twice- this is a guy who never calls ANYBODY. What does this mean? AIEE!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not a guy, but I'd like to answer.

    I understand where you're coming from. It seems we fall for the most inappropriate people sometimes. I am the type of girl to date alot, but to not necesssarily fall in love. Except for one guy. He was my icon in the world of love. And he was abusive. I didn't care. I wanted him more than I could stand. He seemed to want me to be clingy. It was something I couldn't understand. He lost all interest in me when I demonstrated independence. He wanted me to chase him ad nauseum. It was getting unbearable. There was even a CERTAIN way he needed to be chased. Now, I am usually the one being chased, so I finally (after a year) said "eff" it and walked away.

    Needed to be needed is something that everyone in this world needs, regardless of whether or not they admit to it. Even men. I would just be apprehensive because you said he has (had) a fiance? I saw your profile and you're a beautiful woman.you don't need or deserve that. Or someone who messes with your mind and emotions. But it's hard when you have such a deep devotion to them. Do what you are comfortable doing, and not a bit more or less.

    • Wow, your story sounds a lot like mine.. there is an M.O. to how he needs to be needed. I can completely relate to your story. Thanks.

    • PS. Did you ever fall in love again... well, you didn't exactly say it was love you said it was an "icon". I understand that... What made him so different at the time? And how do you see him now? Just as some loser/manipulator? Why do you think the guy I'm talking about keeps coming back.. I mean FOUR years passed and his only explanation is "he doesn't know why he is drawn to me."

    • So far, no, I haven't fallen in love again, by no fault but my own. I allowed myself to sit and wait for him. I finally did walk away, after seeing how bad he had allowed himself to get with alcohol (it was a pretty sad site). When I met him I was just leaving a man who had cheated on me. It was awful. My ex whom I was telling you about, well, swooped in and snatched me up when I was most vulnerable. Now I realize what a true manipulator he is, working every angle to get to me. Email me!

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  • I'm not a guy either, but I have to throw in my 2 cents.

    You understand when you ask for advice on these forums, you aren't always going to hear what you want. Most time, the advice is discarded because it doesn't fit with what you actually want hear. On the flip side - I understand that there are many different people out in this crazy world, and not every woman wants to live the stereotypical dream. But sweetie, you are practically screaming for help.

    Look at the indicators - drug abuse, the fact that you are getting paid for your "company" when you are so emotionally disturbed, an unfulfilled relationship that you haven't been able to let go of in years. The man is a liar and a cheat - yet you still desire a relationship with him. What kind of relationship can you have with a man that causes you so much pain? He doesn't love you, he sounds like a narcissistic jack ass to me. There is no need to chase him because he isn't a prize to catch.

    You need to take control of yourself, of your life, and emotions. I promise you that there is no judgement from me. I'm aware that you are in pain, but don't you realize what your doing to yourself is just going to continue you pain? Have you tried therapy, anti depressants? Maybe you're bipolar? You should go to a doctor first and set yourself straight because if you don't you will continue to attract the same kind of egotistical, emotionally stunted, butt-holes forever. You're better than that - and you deserve better.