So, I met this guy like a year and a half ago at a mutual friends birthday party. We instantly had fireworks, and like 2 hours later we ran into each other upstairs, and passionately kissed for like 2 minutes. We exchanged numbers, and met up for a drink like 2 weeks, followed by like a month or so of steady weekend dates, even had a Christmas eve after-dinner- meet and greet with his dearest friends at a fancy restaurant/bar. We had had a lot of sleep overs but always remained PG, if you know what I mean. After new years, the guy pulls a disappearing act. I see on his Facebook a few months later, that he goes on like once a year, a bunch of pictures with some cheap looking blond with a bad boob job, them on different vaca's etc. This continues throughout most of the year. Whatever. I moved on. I was heartbroken but what can you do.
So flash forward to this past March, and I run in to him for the first time, at some bar. I looked particularly fab that night, good thing. Anyway, we hugged and chatted for like 5 minutes, I even jokingly called him out on his disappearing act, which he apologized for and explained he had a lot going on with his family, etc. Turns out that was the truth! His brother died unexpectedly.. But not until later that year..
Anyway,we have since been back on again..Steady weekly-touch base-communication and Friday night dates fairly regularly. He is still coping with his brothers death and visibly shaken and raw with emotion.(tears still squeeze out when he talks about him)we tried to have sex for the first time and he couldn't keep his sail up. He text me mid April that he "is a f***ing mess and just not there yet..Your amazing blah blah blah" he was drunk when he text this and even followed up with a drunken voice mail repeating this and more tears about his brother. I kept it light and fluffy and said "I understand, blah blah blah, no pressure , we can be movie buddies, I'm hear as sounding board if he ever wanted to talk"
He actually did start to text me or call when he's alone and drunk and sad and we talk about his brother, his feelings etc.
We have since gone on quite a few "buddy" dates and we are getting more and more cozy with each other. regular dinner-movie- sleepovers. We just had our first rated are sleepover..it was good. BUT now he is pulling back I fear: he seemed distant and a bit cocky at breakfast the next morning and I text him Sunday evening and he didn't respond until yesterday(weds)with a call and casual voice mail, which I didn't respond to until today. phone tag.
Bottom line: am I wasting my time with this guy? I'm not tooting my horn but I am a fabulous catch and he knows it. But its hard acting light and fluffy still when I want to marry him and have his babies.hahah. I don't want to push him if he's still shell shocked but I don't want to waste my time! help :(
Most Helpful Guy
You're wasting your time. He's emotionally unavailable. And you're being overly romantic about him. It was an impulsive meetup. There was no substance to it. It's more passion than anything meaningful. You don't really know him. You feel this fake connection because he's going through something difficult and you're there. As far as I'm concerned you haven't even met the real him. You've met grieving, vulnerable him. Who knows how long it'll take him to wakeup. Sounds to me like you're the only one putting fourth any effort. So move on, until he's better. Let him come to you, but you move on. Have a little discussion with him about all this before you part ways. So he knows you like him and you're leaving the door open for him.
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