It's making me actually feel sick to my stomach that I am only average looking?

First of all, I am not really sure if I am considered to be average looking or actually cute/pretty, but it seem as though that I am mostly average looking from what my mother tells me ( beauty is on the inside, you need to put intelligence first over looks...) and my friends don't refer to my physical attractiveness as much ( they will tell me though I'm good looking and cute). Sometimes, I feel sick to my stomach and I get headaches from stressing over the fact that I may be only average looking and not "pretty". I have a history of depression, anxiety and was diagnosed with mild form of BDD, but my mother thinks I am just being lazy and that I don't need therapy. I am not lazy and it cannot be further from the truh. I have trouble waking up from my bed very morning ( I oversleep most mornings these days) and one of the reasons is that I have this overwhelmin surge of self -hatred and reality when I open my eyes first thing in the morning and my head feels numb and heavy as a rock. I hate reality and how average I look and wish I could sleep my life away. My mom tells me it's not worth it to be preoccupied by my looks, but it seems like everyday my thoughts are consumed with fear, worry and stress because I am not pretty enough, or so I think. I rarely step outside the house ( torture for me as I still live with my large family-i am the oldest of 2 younger siblings and my mom and dad) because I fear that I am not so pretty rnough when compared to the other outgoing and pretty college girls. Every minute is consummated with these thoughts and it's driving me up the wall... Sometimes I feel like having a near nervous breakdown because I hate the way I look and wish I did 't look his way.

I have never had a boyfriend ( I'm 22) nor have any close friends- All of them moved away from state after high school and I am lonely most of the times. In college, I rarely talk to anybody and although I see some guys move out of their way to sit next to me or some may even may even talk to me, I feel like they are only talking to me to use my intellect ( as I am somewhat of a nerd, random high school girls have said nerd alert when they saw me sitting alone on the train), and I can tell from the types of girls that approach me, they are only doing so because I look too "nice and non- judgemental". I think about this too much and swear if I didn't have my mom beside me at home,i would have already done harmful things to myself.

I am sick of being the quiet, shy, awkward, clumsy, and nerdy college girl and frequently have daydreams of being this loud, flirty, pretty and party seeking college girl who have no problems attracting the attention of guys, then I would not be lonely and I would have excuses to leave my house and my rotten family.

My self esteem is at a whole time low and I feel like I am being so self destructive and putting myself down so much it's actually causing me physical symptoms and heartache.
I know some of you will say I'm being very selfish considering the fact that there are people actually handicapped and worse off than me, but even if I try to think about positive things in my life ( I don't think there are many), I just get more depressed and it doesn't help.

I realized I forgot to state a straightforward question... Are any of you able to relate or have anything to say about my situation?
And by the way, I am not an overweight girl. I am of normal weight and I workout regularly by jogging every other day, but I am not a weight obsessed freak.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I believe I know exactly how you are feeling. I too have battled with depression on my own, because the 'professional help' route is a very expensive one. Depression is a very difficult animal, you may be fighting it for the rest of your life, however your mother is not an idiot. I would much rather be a good person who is unattractive than a beautiful bitch that can't have anything but one night stands. I'm also in a similar position as far as friends, because I moved away and don't have anyone.

    You need to reach out to people, join a club or introduce yourself to someone at a table in the cafeteria. Being in college presents you a wealth of opportunities for meeting new people. You can't just accept your depression, you have to fight it.

    Also, there's something to be said for people who think they're average. Just because you're average from your perspective doesn't mean that others think you are. I have a friend who believes himself to be average, and that his brothers are much better looking than he is, but from my point of view he's drop dead gorgeous and the brothers are average

    • No mattwr how hard I try to approach people first, I really can't seem to do that... I'm just scared as coming off as desperate ( to guys) or just embarrassing myself in front of people. I always wait for people to give me a really obvious go ahead sign, or else I won't do it.

    • I know exactly what you mean because I did the same thing. You need to realize that it doesn't matter if people judge you. If you make a fool out of yourself laugh it off. I can never stress enough that the opinion of people who do NOT care about you does NOT matter. If one person doesn't like that you came over to talk to them, another may be just like you and be ecstatic that you said hi. You can never know how something will work out until you try. "If it doesn't work today you have tomorrow"

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What Guys Said 4

  • Start working out and eating right, get a healthy lifestyle. A solid diet and hard workout routine has been proven to help with depression and regulate hormones.

    I started working out right after a girl cheated on me & left me for him. It helped turn my life around. Once I started working out, the mirror became my best friend. It was always rewarding me for my hard workout and strict diet.

  • now this sounds a little bit crazy but it worked for me I use to be just like you , always worried about my looks and if I looked good enough for anybody to find attractive. I was always the smartest person in my classes and could finish all my work in usually half the time of the other students, so people tended to call me a nerd and look at me alot(being that I was just sitting while they were working still). I was an outsider and often didn't fit in , the only people that accepted me were the other outsiders ie. losers, drugies,slutty folk . Now growing up I was always against drugs and bad behavior but didn't discriminate against other who did, because everyone has different problems and reasons for everything they do, to judge is to be judged. then one day I said f*** it and gave in to the pressures of being young and dumb . I did shrooms and started smoking weed . The first time I did shrooms my mind opened up to let me see the world in a whole different reality, and gave me deep thought and wisdom others couldn't imagine. For the first time I realized that me concentrating on me(my looks ) didn't matter and that the reason of life is to have experiences, and for you too learn from all experiences (either good or bad), and this is what will make you whole as a person in body and mind , not how you look . I'm not saying go do drugs but simply saying sometimes your mind (che) is not in the right place ,and a lot of negativity is holding you down so you need to take your mind to a different place and see the difference. I am now older and don't do the stuff I did when I was young but its those experiences that made me into the person I am today and I feel good about myself for doing them. knowing that if I just continued to live how I lived(concerned about my looks ) I would have missed out on a lot and would be a very different judgmental person. All evil is fueled by judgement , the world wars, the hallocost, racism. You are only 22 you have to go out and experience life , go get a job if you don't already have one ,even if you don't like it sometimes its the bad experiences that make you grow the most as a person, then move away from the place you live now ie.. if you live in the country try moving to a big city, try new things . live life and don't worry about your looks I guarantee you will find a man who likes you for what you do not what you look like. Volunteer and see what its like to not get paid to work, it is sometimes more rewarding. You will never find the right man at a bar or club , unless you are the town whore. A relationship that was engaged while under the influence will never work while you are sober, these are words to live by. only douchebags like fake girls so unless you like douchebags I suggest being yourself , and by this I mean guys that are only concerned with how they look and how hot there girlfriend is,are no good when something needs to get done,ie changing a flat tire , cleaning the gutters, building a shed. Good luck and have fun.

  • I have long since contended that if I looked anything but average, the world would not be prepared to submit to such a perfect individual.

    I suggest, my dear, that you do the same.

  • I especially liked the update where you insulted bigger women while crying about being only average, perhaps the problem is that you are too judgmental.

    • Girls are always judging themselves. We have a lot of pressure from advertising and movies and even if we're not conscious of taking it in, all those girls are prettier than most of us will ever be, and it's hard to separate the images we see every day from real life

    • Show All
    • He didn't imply your weight had something to do with your problem. Read carefully he said exactly this

      "A solid diet and hard workout routine has been proven to help with depression and regulate hormones."

    • Yeah and its hard to go against society if your mom makes you feel bad about your appearance as well and constantly criticizes

What Girls Said 2

  • So after reading the first four sentences, I have come to the conclusion that being preoccupied is typical among females. I know that I was for a long time.

    For instance, I'm average. I'm not perfect. I get zits occasionally. I'm messy. I'm a nerd. In fact, I'm such a nerd that people walk away from minute I open my mouth. I cry when I PMS. I argue all the time. I have to wear makeup to get a guy's attention. And I was dumped by my boyfriend of two years after telling me that I wasn't "good enough" for him.

    But you know what? I love myself. I love every bit of who I am. There will always be someone prettier than me, someone smarter, someone who surpasses my best qualities, but no one will ever be me. I am unique, beautiful me. I think I'll be okay with that.

    • *preoccupied with looks

    • Show All
    • Aside from knowing how to put on makeup we're pretty similar :)

      Although I'm probably a different nerd than you, that's essentially how one needs to look at life.

      You are who you are and somebody who can't love that isn't right for you anyway.

      Loving yourself and accepting who you are is the first step to thinking you're pretty.

  • without having read all the answers, and I'm not sure if the same problem still applies to you, but just wanted to give some advice. I often feel similar to you, I get tired of looking at myself in the mirror and criticising myself about how I look. like even that makes me feel awful all day. I also have the same superficial problem where looking "average" just isn't good enough. it's not a matter of being selfish- someone will always have it worse then you, and you can always compare yourself to them and say, well I don't have it that bad. but we all want something better then what we've got, which is normal.

    my situation, when I was around 12 or 13, I was bullied and it completely knocked my confidence. but as time went on I made more friends, by being super sweet, playing innocent. people liked me because I was "nice" and I was actually sorta popular by the end of high school. still had incredibly low confidence and struggled with anorexia for a couple of years, but losing all the weight also gave me more confidence (and sadly, this is what got me more attention from guys, more girls wanting to be my friend)- I'm not promoting it, just an honest recount. I get told I'm stunning or beautiful a lot of the time, and my parents say I'm like a flower and I sort of blossomed when I was about 16 (this sounds like I'm bragging, but bare with me). --i never used to get compliments before then, but notice how when my confidence grew, so did the number of compliments. the reason why you struggle with guys and making friends is purely down to your confidence. it's got nothing to do with your looks, you're not ugly, and I assume you take good care of yourself (if you don't, start now) but my guess is your so lacking in self esteem that you don't pick up on any attention, or people maybe wanting to make friends.

    it's weird cos you sound a lot like I used to be during high school... shy, quiet, awkward, clumsy, kind-looking and non judgemental. and I would normally blow off any attention from guys with excuses, like "oh he probably was bored, he thought I looked lonely" etc etc... and if it hadn't been for MY mom I would have done something similar... well in a sense, I did harm myself by starving but hey...

    i used to want to be one of those really loud, typically pretty college girls. now I have the most amazing and gorgeous fiance in the world(still don't know how I'm with him)... I admire him and he tells me, it's so refreshing to have a girl like me. I know that he really loves me for who I am, I'm not like those kind of girls of which there are many, he tells me I'm special and it's a gift... people tell me I'm "different" but in a good way. and now I've learned to be proud of it, and I don't ever want to be like one of those girls anymore. I'm quiet, really nice (so I've been told), clumsy, and happy. so finally, my advice, learn to be happy with yourself, cos someone out there will think your the most awesome person. shyness can be charming

    • aswell as true kindness. be a good person, take care of yourself, make sure you don't look a mess is what I'm saying really... and the rest will all work out, doesn't matter if your awkward or quiet, people are going to see your true colors in time.

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