Why does my husband act like he hates me?

On the rare occaision that I go out, my husband will act like he's fine with it, but then won't look at me or speak to me before and after (like when I get home, or the next day). I feel like he hates me. He's never been the possessive or jealous type - as a matter of fact, he's not afraid to tell me how unattractive he finds me. So its not like he's worried I'm gonna hook up. What the hell is he doing?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You husband is missing your attention. I don't know in what form the attention should take for him personally, but in some way you are not fulfilling what he thinks he needs.

    He probably has felt that way for some time, and his coping strategy is pretend your not the one he wants and/or he is not bothered, hence the name calling. Inwardly, he is jealous when you go out because he percieves that you are gving your care and attention to others and not him.

    The thing to remember is that he does not nescessarily want the SAME KIND of attention you give to your cmpany when you are out, so you need to find out what he wants and needs, and then decide if it's something you can deal with or provide.

    It might take a bit of coaxing and/or it might be something sensitive. It could be anything, the need to talk about sport or the desire to be dominated. lol. It really could be anything. It may be that he wants you to call it a day so he doesn't want to.

    Rest assured that if he did not want you, he would be gone, or having an affair, so relish the fact that he wants you enough to stay with you (hurt the one you love most!) Make an effort to understand what he needs. If all else fails, get him really worked up in bed. Wait until he is nearly there, and hold off, and ask him then. He'll tell you anything! If that doesn't work, you need to have a discussion about ending the relationship...it's not good for either of you.

    Good luck.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I agree with the girls, that's a horrible thing to do. I'd kick 'em in the junk when I heard that one.

    But he's trying to mentally "crash your party" before you go out, so that you don't have as much fun as you would of have - if he had just kept a comment like that to himself. Because after he says something like that, it can make you think twice. Either to make you feel insecure and guilty about going out, or just to make you feel bad about yourself. Which is a horrible thing to do in this scenario. If you were to tell him something like his "mechanism couldn't hit a nail on the head if the carpenter wife (lol, you in this case) held it for him" (in the bedroom) - how would he feel, you know what I mean. . . and because you have a certain level of respect for him, you don't do it to him, because it's emotionally upsetting and kind of verbally abusive. But he doesn't have that same respect. Which makes me agree with the girls.


What Girls Said 2

  • He's trying to punish you by going out by using the silent treatment. What is he 5? very mature! And he tells you how "unattractive" he finds you? Honey you know you don't deserve that. Whatever happened to honor, love, and cherish? If I'm not mistaken that's what you're supposed to do to your spouse so why does he treat you that way? Call him out on his bullshit and see what he says. Don't listen to any excuses for his behavior but just put him on the spot so he knows that you can tell he's an ass and you're not gonna take it.

  • Wow. he tells you are unattractive? That is horrible.