Most Helpful Guy
I'm in the exact same boat, man.
By the way, that's awesome you met Ernie Hudson! lol
No, you're definitely not ugly--far from it, in fact! I've actually noticed that I've been put in similar situations, as have tons of my friends. My theory is that it has more to do with behavior than looks.
Think about it: how do you act around girls you're interested in? Naturally, you want to impress them; to conceal your bad qualities and make it seem like you're their ideal man. But in doing this, you're also losing a dimension of your personality. Part of what makes people charming are their quirks: their random hobbies, strange mannerisms, or unique beliefs. But when trying to attract someone most of us try to conceal these quirks, because we think that anything out of the ordinary could act as a turn-off. So, in a sense, we become plastic. We put on masks and morph into fake versions of ourselves in the hopes that we can conform to a perfect standard. This makes us less objectionable, but also less relatable.
Now think about the girls you aren't interested in; the ones you don't want to impress. There's no need to act fake around them, because you aren't as concerned about what they think of you. You're more willing to reveal your flaws, and in so doing, to reveal yourself as a 3-dimensional human being. Now your quirks are fully exposed. True, there will be people who are put off by them and don't like them. But there will also be the girls who find them cute, attractive or charming, and become interested in you as a result.
Basically, humans as a speicies are drawn to people that we can relate to. But our fundamental mistake is that we naturally assume the opposite: that people like perfection, and will reject us for what can be percieved as flaws.
In a sense, trying to impress people is inherently unimpressive. While they may admire us for it, they can't possibly relate to a 'perfect' person in the same way as a 'real' person.
Yes, showing what we think of as the negative aspects of our personality can be risky. People may not like us for it, and may even be turned-off because of it. But when we show people our 'realness', we also give them more opportunities to find those quirks that they'll ultimately be drawn to.
In short: it's much harder to attract people when you work hard at impressing them. As cliche as it sounds, the best thing to do is to be yourself.
(This might also be why you're not interested in the girls who like you (assuming that it's not just a matter of physical attraction). Are they trying to be real, or impressive?)
Haha, sorry for the essay! I didn't think this would turn out to be so long. I hope it helps! :)
anyhow the best way for me to put this, is you should make a womans looks less of a priority and focus on women who like you and are open to you. also try to improve your appearance and dress differently. I hate to be the "mean one" for saying this, but if its that important to you that you must have a really good looking girlfriend, you might want to lose the nerdy look because (attractive) women don't really go for that
just stay positive that you'l find the right girl. and by the way, it's sort of sad that it's based on looks that you call some girls 'ugly' but I think some can really look beautiful if they tried. also work on things you can work on if you want to improve yourself. maybe change the wardrobe or hang out with guys who know a few girls you might be interested in. it's all about being out there and also working on yourself to have more confidence and character
no I think you need to be more outgoing, as in put yourself out there more
I'm a girl and I feel like I'm in the same situation. I've been told to lower my standards as well.. a comment down below my one of the guys really opened my eyes so I think I'll work on it. :)
Moviedude714, judging by some of your answers it seems you aren't opened to approaching girls. Do you think maybe you could try working on getting comfortable with the idea of approaching girls? Girls find it attractive when guys approach them.
Could you show me some examples of a girls you find attractive and girls who you would consider ugly?
If there are girls who are attracted to you then that's a good sign. That means that you could have a girlfriend if you really wanted to. Do you want a girlfriend just to have something pretty to look at or do you want a girlfriend for companionship? If a companion is what you want, then it shouldn't be so much about the looks. .
it has little to do with face, most of the attraction is in the tongue, both in the forms of articulation and the form of pleasure . . . ill stop here
dont go for the ugly ones. have standarts and hopes and one day ull find miss right
omg dude I m just like u...
lower your standards bro or you will be alone all your life. some advice to you once you've been in a relationship you become more approachable
i wouldn't know because I'm in the same boat as well, can somebody please answer this dudes questions?
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