Beauty is in the eye of the beholder is a LIE!!

Okay not a total lie, but how can we honestly say that everyone is on the same level of " attractiveness?" simply by saying, oh since everyone doesn't have the same taste, suddenly everyone is equally pretty...

Erm no. I see the falseness of this statement everyday. It's just a sugar coating way of trying to make someone who's not so good looking feel better.

We live in a shallow world - this statement doesn't imply that just because your not considered that good looking, that you'll never get a date - all it simply means is that some people will find you attractive and some won't.

But how the real world works is like this:

( Not good looking person,)

" Some people will find you attractive - most will not."

( Good looking person,)

" Some people won't find you attractive - most will."

In all honesty, there are people out there, who are just better looking than the average person, and there are people out there who aren't as good looking as the average person.

I'm so sick of seeing people say this crap because they don't want to be mean or come off being bitchy - in actuality your sending that person a false message of confidence that's likely to be deflated the very moment they go outside from the computer.

You don't have to be the hottest person to get a partner - but it does help nonetheless.

People who aren't " good looking," or whatever, need to know that they have to work with what they got. Your not suddenly undesirable or hopeless in finding a partner, but don't let your looks define you so much that you think you have no chance.

It's like the opposite extreme of being really hot and letting your looks define you to the point that your personality sufferes destruction due to arrogance - except in this case, your letting your bad looks destroy your personality due to insecurity.

We categorize people off everyday - we rate people everyday. Put a picture up on here and have the users poll you - 100% of the time, you'll be rated around the same average of a given number. ( Say 10 people rate you between a 5 - 7 with 6 being the most prominent number.)

We all have a " number," so why do people keep saying this as " good advice?"

That's like saying a short guy has the same desirability as a tall guy.

WE all know the why keep bullsh*tting?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree that it's not like everyone has a blank slate as to who will find them attractive and who won't.

    But here are some things to consider.

    Much of people's preferences are influenced by what they're conditioned to find attractive. This isn't true for everyone, but it definitely contributes to why few people will consider an "ugly" person attractive. What exactly makes them ugly? Qualities we're told are bad? Or is it 100% innate?

    Furthermore, you mention that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" gives people false confidence. What's wrong with that? Isn't the goal to be confident regardless of whether other people find you attractive or not? Happiness independent of beauty ideals? That's not arrogance, that's autonomy.

    I can also add my personal experience here... I very rarely find someone attractive until I get to know them, like their personality, and become close to them. Which means that looks mean VERY little to me unless they have some of my personal deal breakers.

    • That's the thing, we say there isn't any one thing that makes someone more attractive, yet we judge each others attraction collectively each day. We judge our own attraction each day as well. Personality is important of course, but so are looks. If you aren't attracted to that person physically what so ever, that detours people from pursuing. Happens all the time. " She / he's cool but I'm just not attracted." " They like me and is a great person, but I just don't think they're cute..."

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • The statement simply isn't just about plastic beauty but about attractiveness, which is easily influenced by personality, interest, attachment, demeanor, status, confidence, etc. Which means that everyone can be desirable, even though they might not fall into what society accepts as the standards for beauty. It's not a way to make ugly people feel better about themselves, it's simply the truth; but I reckon only people that are not too shallow may understand that.

    In fact who you as well as most of Americans probably consider to be beautiful is a good example of how true that statement is. The women that were thought of as beautiful a hundred years ago would make no sense now and here and would be considered average at best. Even plastic beauty is all about perspective. If you take a good look at all the women (and men) celebrities that are thought of as gorgeous it's easy to see how ugly they actually are. And keep in mind that a lot of women would go wild for Steve Buscemi.

    • I agree, but I also want to note that we categorize ourself off into levels of attraction. That changes as you noted in the history example, but within all history of human life, we determine things that make others more attractive than the average, making the people who are below average feel crappy. If we were all truly equally attractive, we wouldn't do that would we?

  • I would say by having that statement everyone is not on the same level where you derive that from is beyond me. What this sayings means is to you someone might be aesthetically pleasing to you and someone else might not be I have seen plenty women who people are like she's so hot and been like meh. I also disagree with using this purely to deal with someones aesthetics.

    I agree with some stuff being said in the second half of this but I also disagree with a lot of it. It almost like your actively trying to discourage someones confidence as well taking an old saying to literally if you pick anything out to this level and don't properly weigh up both pro's and con's then it's just a one sided argument. I agree you shouldn't let looks define who you are.

    • I did weigh both sides. It's not a bad statement if someone's asking if they are attractive enough to get a partner, but it is a bad statement when people try and argue that looks don't matter. They do. That can't be denied so why do we keep saying that they don't?

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    • That's like a phone contract where they say here have free unlimited data when you on 100mb of course if you at the same point with both of them you would take the unlimited data.

    • Right. so looks matter. The only different factor in that scenario was the girls looks. And you choose the better looking girl. At least your honest.

  • You finally found out the truth... no, you finally accepted it, all the time it was in front of you.

    People make such sayings only to cling on whatever hope they can get... especially those who just were unlucky with looks department.

    • I figured it all along actually, it was just crazy how many people on here kept saying this as a means to sugar coat reality. I've been given compliments for my looks more than insults, so the attraction thing isn't a personal issue. I just spoke out on it is all.

  • So, did something happen today? Did someone give you the wrong impression or something?

    • not at all I just noticed it being said a lot around here in a situation where it doesn't imply reality. It's not like you don't have a chance of finding a partner if your not attractive, you do, but to lie to someone and say they are equally as attractive physically when the prettier person is getting more dates and they are both sweet worthwhile people seems wrong to say.

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    • That's what I think too. But people keep lying and offer nothing more than the eye of the beholder statement.

    • I agree, whether or not people follow up on the 'eye of the beholder' idea is completely dependent on the type of friend they are and whether or not they care to elaborate.

  • I am sorry that you got ahold of some bad acid...

    • I'm sorry your not realistic. People always try and play the " saint " roles because they want everyone to like them or love them. Even though the people who often make the greatest change in the world, are the people who are hated for their honesty. Guess your afraid to step on some toes. Ah well, at least some of us aren't afraid to do it.

  • It's not really a lie. It sounds like you are harping on extremes. Of course it isn't good to use it in those instances.

    • extremes? how so?

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    • Ah, okay. I think I understand better. You're not necessarily saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is a lie, but it shouldn't be used a "one size fits all" answer. An I understanding correctly?

    • Yes that's exactly what I'm saying. I put " lie " in the title to be more of an attention grabber. And to hit on the point that we do create categories of attraction within our population that can play with the dating options of the individual based on where they fit in. no?

What Girls Said 8

  • I don't see a point in rating beauty, be it percentage wise or number wise. It's debatable in ALL situations. Saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder is very much still relevant to me. Some beautiful girls think they are ugly, some less attractive people think they are beautiful and live wonderful lives cause their confidence brings them shine. There's no proper system. Attractive? Unattractive? There's no set standard whatsoever to measure it on and therefor I do believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides is someone not allowed to think they are beautiful just because by some other persons judgement they're not attractive? Sounds like much more bullsh*t to me. We have no right in telling people what they are and aren't are appearance wise. It's arrogant and naive to want to take away someones right to feel good about themselves because like already mentioned, peoples definitions of beauty differs so it's impossible to place any sort of standard on a individual. It's more arrogant to assume you can tell someone whether they are hot or not by YOUR standard than telling someone beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is the truth. Anyone has the right to believe they are beautiful and to not give a f*** about what anyone thinks.

    • Agreed but also don't agree with saying there isn't a standard of attractive and not attractive. We collectively create that standard everyday. If we didn't, people would never feel insecure about their looks, but they do because they see people flocking to those who are deemed more attractive due to the standards we've made for ourselves. You put a fat girl and skinny girl both with pretty faces and good persona's in the same room - guess who gets more attention? right...

    • But the "set" standard is going to be different for everyone. Megan Fox. She may be considered to be this beautiful women, some men will agree others will disagree. I've seen plenty of guys saying she's ugly, and other guys saying she's hot. Same goes to guys. What society says makes a guy hot which is muscle is something I'm absolutely turned off by. If I was in a room with a guy who has these huge muscles and abs and a stick thin nerdy guy, I'd pick the nerdy guy. So there is no real standard.

  • Rating people by numbers is pointless and degrading.

    I disagree completely with you, because as you said with 'unattractive' people, some will find them attractive and others won't. Now, obviously this means that they can be found attractive, meaning that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, no?

    Besides that, since when is beauty entirely physical? People can beautiful personalities, can't they? Since when is physical aesthetics the defining factor in finding someone attractive, in any way? And even if it was, people have different likes, and heck, people like me can see a number of different features and still find them beautiful (this doesn't include digitally altered pictures which are usually poorly done and obviously fake, those are just stupid).

    And height has nothing to do with attractiveness either, haha.

    There's nothing wrong with giving a person, what you call, 'false' confidence. Why? Because the more they hear it, the more their real confidence builds up. That person might hear that they are ugly or below average on a regular basis, so why the hell do you think you even have the right to tell them something they already think? Because you think they are stupid and need to be pushed even further into their hole of depression, to learn some kind of a sick lesson? No.

    This gets on my nerves because I have tons of conversations with my boyfriend about how attractive he thinks I am, and how ugly I think I am. And it's because of mean, snotty little brats who thought exactly like you do, that I think like that. If you have to give your opinion on someone's looks, at the very least, don't be blunt, because that's rude. And the best option is 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'.

    • All I got from your answer was, " Keep lying to me because it makes me feel good."

      But doesn't your boyfriends real honestly feel that much better?

      Exactly. I'm not saying it's right to go around saying so and so is ugly, because there is no clear definition of what's ugly and what's not.

      However, there is a clear standard of what's considered collectively attractive and what's not. No one will 100% agree so and so is attractive or not - but you get

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    • We all judge lol whether you acknowledge it or not, and whether it's another person or even yourself. No you didn't come off as rude, hope your meeting went well :)

    • Ah. I do judge myself, harshly. Because it has been drilled into my head that I am not enough, physically. It's funny though, that I can't honestly think the same way about other people.

      I think the image created by the media as the 'standard' is wrong because it always leaves out all the other beautiful, and real features of a real woman, and it's not what I aim for. I aim to look and feel like myself, but without all the figurative and literal scars.

  • The golden ratio is really the only universal standard of beauty, cause symmetrical facial features are the ideal.

    But because there is always a majority and always a minority, it's impossible to say beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder, since what everyone finds attractive is different.

    • Right, not everyone is going to 100% agree that this person is ugly or attractive, but you get phenomenons in which 80% of people think said person is hot and 20% don't, and then another person in which 40% of people say they're hot and 60% say they aren't. So that shows people just have a disposition to label off others as being hotter than average or not hot enough to the average. Collectively.

  • I agree with you! People on here are always giving sugar coated answers and if they are honest it gets deleted!

  • Everyone have different taste to what is beautiful. Someone can be an obvious 10 to you but only a 5 to someone else. Every has the right to fell beautiful and sexy without being labelled a. Certain number. This is where the saying in the eye of the beholder. Just like you like tall guys maybe a girl who is only 5'2" doesn't want a 6ft man towering over them that can be intimidating so maybe an average guy that's 5ft 8in is best for them.

  • I know this is old. But I think I have a good answer for this.

    Beauty is NOT based on a societal recognition of who's hot and who's not. Beauty is appreciation for a whole of something. It goes farther than the surface.

    But some people are blind to the unique beauties of an individual, who may not otherwise be accepted as attractive. They just have a unique beauty to them, so sometimes it takes a special person or people to behold the beauty.

    I just wanted to share a different approach to this question. I just think it's a somewhat shallow approach to assume everyone sees the same things.

  • As a really ugly woman I've always found this to be annoying when people say this. I've been insulted most of my life for my looks, even by my own family. I can tell by looking in the mirror that I am not attractive. What's worse is when I tell my story online, people will try and use that and say I am just around bad people. That means everybody is bad. It doesn't make them bad. They don't find me attractive and that's okay. The only thing I don't like about it is when people go out of their way to insult me. For people who truly know they are ugly, it's insulting because you're basically saying their experiences never happened. I've never even been in a relationship before. There are just some people who are extremely ugly (like me) and there are people who are very beautiful and then there are average people. I think it's because of average looking people that saying exists. People usually agree or disagree on their looks. However, the ones who are truly beautiful, everyone agrees they are and the ones ugly like me, everyone agrees about it.

  • a lot of people share the same views of what beauty is

    • okay so that's why I find it weird people use this statement to try and convey that everyone is equally attractive, and looks dont' matter at all.

    • looks do matter. not everyone is equally attractive.

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