Why is it OK that guys are SO hung up on a girl's appearance?

of course you must be physically attracted to the person you love...but everyone just accepts it as a law of nature that first and foremost guys care about a girls appearance above and beyond any any other trait she may possess...

i know a girl who is an A&E nurse who has devoted her life saving lives...but has that ever mattered to a guy? no. because she is short and plump she's pretty much relegated to the bottom of the dating heap.

everyone will say "it's just human nature, it's just instinctual" but that's such a cop out...

Girls aren't let off the hook this easily,

In fairy tails and stories we always read about beauty and the beast, about a girl falling in love with a hideous apportion of a man because she sees his inner kindness and beauty. ...no one even suggests the reverse is possible, that a guy could fall in love with a girl for her inner beauty.

you could argue it's just as natural and instinctual for girls to seek out superficial qualities like wealth and power in a man but we're taught this is shallow and that we should look for deeper reasons to love a guy ...

so why is OK that all guys care about 90% of the time is looks?


Most Helpful Girl

  • i agree with you. I know that there are probably some very superficial women out there, but men in general, imo, have got the market corner on superficiality. have you ever seen dating in the dark on ABC? if you haven't, it was about men and women who socialize and later date...in complete darkness. at the end of the show, they were allowed to look at the one person they felt most connected to and it was sad how many guys just didn't find the woman they were most mentally attracted to (and physically in the sense that many of these couples kissed in the dark lol) 'up to their level.' I don't think it's OK for guys to demand beauty in their partners just because of some evolutionary urge or because they're 'visual' creatures. that's bullsh*t. we ALL like to look at pretty things. I think part of the issue is with what the media portrays at attractive, what is emphasized as being attractive. women aren't entirely faultless. some of us go crazy over looking nice or as close to perfect as possible. some do cosmetic surgery, others take meds to make their eyelashes thicker...lmao. so retarded. so overall, what I'm trying to say is that we're all pretty hopeless. it sucks that beautiful people like your friend are being overlooked everyday. sure, it might be in her best interest to lose weight to become healthy- but look at Kheserthorpe's answer. according to him, she should lose weight if she wants people to want her. so you pretty much end up with two options: accept that guys are superficial, hope that you can attract a good one, and call it a day. or... forget about dating and relationships altogether.


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What Guys Said 12

  • For women, sexual attraction is based on his personality, and emotional attraction is also based on his personality, and in many cases, these conflict.

    For men, sexual attraction is based on her health and appearance, and emotional attraction is based on her personality. There are just as many hot nice girls out there as there are hot bitches.

    Next, because of this setup, the standard of sexual attraction can be found right off the bat. It's literally showing. So it's easy to see a bunch of sexually attractive girls to pursue, and seeing which ones have good personalities.

    For the ones that look good, but have bad personalities, those are usually the one-night-stands.

    There are women who are bad looking, but have personalities to make up for it. I've met them, and I've had crushes on them. But this has been a minority case. I see an equal distribution of good and bad on every level of attractiveness.

    Next, did you know a girl with straight up reject a guy because his pheromones don't match up to her immune system? Did you ever notice how a stud making a move is cute and nice and everything, but when an ugly guy does it, it's creepy and slimy? Girls make the same differentiation, but since they rarely pursue men, you don't see it as often.

    Third, imagine you are thrown in a room with a bunch of guys, and they're sitting around expecting YOU to buy them drinks if you're interested. You have to choose one to meet or else you'll end up single. They won't choose you. So what do you do? You can't just go around looking at their personalities. If that were the case, I would love to have your eyes. Looks are literally the only thing you have to go on.

    Fourth, men's standard for physical attraction generally drops when a girl is making a move on him. He already knows you're interested, so you don't have to be extra hot to get his attention.

    Fifth, (and probably the most thumbed-down remark), looks used to not be as big of a deal because the range of accepted looks is pretty wide on men. However, remember that our obesity rate has tripled in the last 30 years. The majority of American citizens are are wielding a frame that was incredibly rare throughout human history. In nations where the overall population doesn't have these problems as bad, the issue dies off. But in nations where obesity is rampant, men who are just looking for a normal-weight woman are left searching for a minority.

    However, if you want a major issue to tackle, it's when someone's personality is called into question because they aren't good-looking. Women shouldn't have to always look their best, just if they're trying to attract men. Like seriously. Unless you're trying to date someone, looks shouldn't matter at all. We shouldn't give a damn how Hillary Clinton looks unless we acknowledge all the jiggling prunes that make up congressional men. To me, THAT"s a problem.

    But things really change once you hit the dating scene.

    • Also, a video on here mentioned that despite all the standards for looks and whatnot, women are still quite a bit pickier than men.

    • Show All
    • Honestly you can look at someone and see their character. Body language, what they wear, their facial expressions, when they talk and many other things. Though I am a girl who is nearly 100% attracted to character so I guess its probably really easy for me to see it just by looking at someone.

    • This is true. And I would say the majority of guys are about as quick to pick up on this as women.

      I suppose that's kinda the nice thing about our type of attraction, then. You can see how sexually attracted you are to a girl, and also get a hint of their personality to go with it.

      But in that case, you can't quite say you 0% attracted to appearance, then. Expressions, clothing, and body language are all part of physical attraction as well.

  • power is not a superficial quality.

    Beauty and the beast tales don't show women being 'less shallow'. In a way the 'beast' is hyper masculine - he is in fact so wildly powerful that only her love can calm him enough to be with others. By he is not some weak pathetic thing he is a wild powerful man who is stronger then her other suitors.

    havig value as a human being doesn't make people want to have a monogamous sexual relationship with you. That's true for men and women.

    Still I'm not sure what your talk of 'cop outs' and things 'being OK' is supposed to mean. It seems like you recognize it might be true by hate it?

    If you like you can go hang out with the guys complaining women don't want to has sex with them because they are nice.

    I think you'll find it's easier for a plump person to lose weight then to trigger a shift in what the other gender wants in a sexual partner.

    Short and plump? Most guys LIKE short. So basically she's fat. imam well aware it's harder for some people not to be fat but if she wants people to want her, losif wetht is almost certainly possible.

  • In beauty and the beast the guy was not let of the hook, he was cursed and transformed into a beast. Also I am assuming you have heard of Prince Charming? Men and women were both taught to look for deeper reasons, but both often acted on lust instead. Besides a long time ago a woman could end up pregnant, and all a guy had to do was deny the baby was his. So she needed to be more careful than a guy did about making the wrong choice.

    Over the years, men were just more willing to admit that looks were important. Now more and more women are feeling empowered enough to say the same. That is good. Men deserve to know the truth so they can make changes to their lives and become more attractive. It is Okay for guys and girls to care about looks.

  • Honestly where I'm from It's the same for men and women because the things that once made men attractive (status, wealth, strength and power) are accessible to women too. looks are very important. I advocate for people to get with people of their own attractiveness levels

  • Why is it okay?

    I'm not sure it is okay.

    But it is how the world is. And the way I see it, you can either spend your life bashing your head against the brick wall of reality in a vain attempt to change human nature that has evolved over thousands of years... or you can just accept that that is how the world is, and realize that yeah, sometimes the world isn't fair, and isn't how we would like it to be.

    • yes, but you could say this about any status quo... I mean 60 years ago people would have said "segregation might be unfair but its just how the world works and it will never change so don't fight it."

      you're taking it for granted that this is some innate, unchangable law of nature...i don't think it is, I think this is something society allows and encourages.

    • Well, I don't think so, but if we all thought the same, the world would be boring.

    • Where I disagree is that segregation is a social construct, by contrast, we are in fact heavily socialized NOT to pick partners just based on looks, but are fighting massively against instincts.

  • Because in order for a certain person to be considered more than a friend there has to be some sort of sexual attraction (at least in the majority of the relationship). Otherwise any person that has a good personality would be considered a viable option. My best friend is an awesome guy and we would do anything for each other, but I don't date him because I'm not attracted to men. That doesn't mean he's not a great person. And I can no more control what I'm attracted to than I can change the color of my skin, that's life.

  • Men are just very visual is all. Just how things are.

  • You chose one example.. Generally the girl meets prince charming and they live happily ever after.

    Personally I'll be one of those guys who says looks are the most important thing to mates, a girl walks past I'll say she's hot or whatever but when I'm actually looking for a girlfriend personality is way more important to me.

    I'd rather go for the cute quiet girl than the hot partier

    I don't think it occurs to the extent you're saying

  • men fall in love with what they see, women fall in love with what they hear

  • and 90% of girls go for a guy based on your personality, it works both ways

  • Forget this gender-specific bull! all humans want to mate with people who are in their league or above.

    Me personally, Idc if I connect with a girl really well. if I'm not attracted to her, I am not interested. Trust me! I've tried.

    • Exactly. I've tried, too. You know what results? Lack of motivation. Disinterest. Hard feelings on her part. Feelings of guilt on my part. It's a total mess.

  • As humans we go for the best, strongest, and healthiest mates. That is all.


What Girls Said 1

  • Scientifically, it's just how the world works. Males like pretty females. Females like pretty males. But, it might also be the fact that woman are complicated and takes time to get to know so men care about the looks (as well as women) because it's the first thing that sparks our interest and tell us if we want to get to know someone. And, it's not really a bad thing because every single one of us has our own idea and standard of a pretty/attractive person.