Should I be worried about him trying to "mold" me into his ideal girl?

i feel like I'm falling for the guy I've been seeing for awhile now..i told him one night that I love him and he said it back with no hesitation but the next day when I said he just said thank you so I stopped saying it to him cause I don't want it to freak him out..some days he seems distant and talks to numerous females and they all have their septums pierced but when he asked me to get mine pierced I said no cause I think they are kind of gross looking he kind just pushed it off no biggie..but he wants me to dye my hair blonde..which all of his exes were blonde..i don't have a problem with that cause its my natural hair color but I do have a problem with it at the same time cause I don't want to be molded into so fake little bitch like his exes, blond hair, septum piercing and dressing emo as sh*t...its not my thing I try to be as girlie as possible with the side of my head shaved, piercings and stretched ears...he also said I should get a tattoo across my chest I have been wanting one for a long time but I found out his exes all had chest tattoos which pissed me off cause I want to be the one that makes him go crazy without looking like his exes. what should I do? what should I say to him? should I be worried that he is trying to mold me into his little emo doll that? or is it just what his ideal girl looks like?

thankyou for all of the great responses! I will probably talk to him about that this weekend


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think its a bad idea only because he wants it for the wrong reasons. Its one thing if he has the hots for blondes, but the repeated attempts to modify other elements to re-create Exes isn't healthy, and reveals the motives of the blond request as well. My advice? Don't do it.


    That being said, speaking of universal truths and the like, there can be great joy fulfilling a loved one's fantasies and desires - so avoiding change blanketly could be just as bad as making it blanketly -- it really depends on you, and on the situation. You want to be true to yourself, yes, but sometimes changing for someone else can be special too.


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What Guys Said 2

  • In my opinion, if you don't want to change... than don't.

    If my girlfriend said "hey don't wear those velcro shoes." it's not a big deal to me but if she said "hey get this tattoo and dye your hair red."

    Those would be some limits that I would change and it seems like he tapped into some of your limits.

  • If he's trying to make you change too much, then he's in love only partly and has an image in mind, which means he doesn't really love you for who you are now.

    I would push back on his molding. Change when you want to change and for yourself, not for some guy.


What Girls Said 1

  • You need to be YOU, regardless of how great the guy is. It sounds like he's trying to turn you into something you're not and I think you should confront him about it now and just say something like, "Are you not happy with the way I look? Why are you giving me all of these suggestions to change my appearance?" and then that will open the conversation up to find out if he is trying to turn you into a clone of his ex's or if he's just telling you what's been on his mind. If it's just him speaking his mind with out thinking, you should probably just point out the fact that his ex's all looked the way he's telling you to dress and tell him that your happy with the way you look and aren't willing to change that for him or anyone else for that matter. Tell him that if he has a problem with that, then you can find a guy who doesn't.

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