Would this be an unreasonable cause for breakup?

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. Our anniversary was five days ago, actually.

For our anniversary, he drove up to my school (I'm in college) and brought me a dozen red roses and took me out for a nice dinner.

We then went back to my school, went for a walk, and then went to my room. We didn't have sex, but there was some intense making out and I did give him oral.

Then we cuddled and talked and then I walked him back to his car.

He contacted me via text the next day and we talked all that day. He usually calls me every night between 10 and 11 and we talk. He hasn't called today yet. He hasn't texted me all day. At least not since 10 AM this morning.

I know this isn't because he doesn't like my physical appearance. I'm a fairly attractive girl. Physically speaking, I'm fit and have a nice butt and a decent sized chest. So he wasn't turned off by me physically.

I'm feeling neglected and like he doesn't care. I have expressed this concern to him before, but he's returned to not talking to me really.

I understand that he has a life and I understand that he's busy, but all I'm asking for is for him to text me a little more. I know we can't call during the day because of school.

I've been feeling pretty neglected for a few weeks now. Mostly this past week. Is neglecting a reasonable cause for a break up?

I would wait until I went home next weekend (the 12th) and break up in person. I think that's better than over the phone/text.

I do love him very much. He was the perfect boyfriend for the past year minus the last few weeks. I've been away so I know it's hard, but he agreed to put in the work and he hasn't been.

He's been the most fantastic boyfriend. He's been kind, and funny, and charming. And I've known him for five years before we dated, so I know he wasn't faking.

I've asked him if he's OK and he just says he's stressed from school and sports and homework. But I'm not really buying it.

So could I break up with him and have it be reasonable or do you think there's a way to save this relationship or what?

Ok, guys. Hear me out. I used today as an example. He hasn't contacted me before 11:30 PM once in the last month. Save our anniversary and the day after. No relationship can survive without time committed by both parties. And he's not even aware I exist anymore.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You should save this relationship. It sounds like you really like him. Maybe just drop the subject of calling you more often, and instead hang out more on the weekend. And when you know he's less busy or has more time then bring up the subject of talking again. If he is a good boyfriend, then why let him go?

    • Thank you for being the only one who actually saw my side of things.

    • your welcome girl

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Ummm... Wow. Can you say selfish? or needy? If that is live you are displaying I would hate to see hate.

    I know I am being rude, but this one got to me. Sure you can save it, be less selfish and more understanding. Yes it is disappointing when you can spend all the time you want with someone, and an LDR is hard, but unreasonable expectations in your part don't help.

    t this point, you are doomed for a life of disappointment. Unless you change your expectations of course.

    • My expectations aren't that high. My expectations are that we talk on the phone once a day. That's all. I don't see how this is needy.

  • Your biggest issue is that you are in a LDR, and as it usually does, it's made you insecure and overly needy to try to compensate. It sounds to me like he's giving you a very reasonable amount of attention and care, but in the end, you simply aren't getting enough from him because the distance keeps you apart too much, and phone calls and texts just can't make up that kind of difference.

    LDRs rarely work, and are usually a waste of time for all involved. IMO, your expectations ARE too high, and you'll likely either drive him away or end up unhappy yourself, so there's no winning scenario here. End this now, and date someone local to you.

  • No offense but there's no way you can bring this up without sounding absolutely psychotic. One day? Really? That's it? WTF.

    • Ok. It wasn't just one day. Perhaps I didn't illustrate this well enough. It's been declining day by day. He hasn't given me more than 10 minutes of his time for the past month. Not counting the anniversary, and even that seemed stressed on his part. Like he didn't actually want to be here. He kept checking his watch. I've been understanding, I don't blow up his phone. I text him good morning every day and I don't text again unless he replies. I don't yell at him or complain to him.

    • To be perfectly honest I think it's unreasonable to expect him to contact you anymore than, say, 3 days a week. You have to understand that men are, by nature, creatures who communicate differently than women. Most men would rather wait until they had an opportunity to tell you something in person than text it to you now.

    • I know. But my boyfriend is different. Of the two of us, he's the one who's the clingy one. Which is why I'm upset. Because him not talking is completely out of character for him. Which makes me nervous.

  • well, that must have been a really sh*tty blowjob you gave him.

    now, if I understand correctly the problem is that he didn't call you *today.*? am I missing something?

    • Haha I give damn good head. ;)

      He hasn't called me today, correct. But there's been a decline in the frequency and duration of his calls. We used to talk for a good hour every night since I've moved, and he'd call right at 10 every night. But lately, the past few weeks, he's been pushing it back to 10:30, 11, 11:30...And we've only been talking for like 10 minutes. He doesn't seem as into it as he was before. And I'm feeling neglected.

  • You have to talk with him about your desire to talk with him more often and regularly and why the two of you have a gap in expectations of communications. Get to the heart of why there's a gap and you can both give a little and resolve it. Tell him is he is more oral in communication you'll be more oral with giving him pleasure LOL. Seriously, you just need to talk through in a non judgmental way and the two of you can resolve.

  • Holy sh*t, and I thought my old Girlfriend was needy..

    • I'm not needy. I just feel neglected. I'm all for him having his space. I'm as far from needy as you can get. I just expected a boyfriend to contact me at sometime during a typical day.

    • You know I'm not going to say anything, I'm on my final warning so I can't be mean.

      But just know something, you're damn lucky to be getting a call every day

What Girls Said 1

  • You're freaking out because he didn't call you for one day? Seriously? That's ridiculous, I'm sorry. He drove to your school and brought you roses by surprise for your anniversary, then took you out to dinner. He calls you everyday. What more do you want? Stop being so needy or he'll be the one to dump you. My boyfriend lives 10 minutes from me and we only see each other once, maybe twice a week and I'm not complaining. We are both busy with work and have lives. I think it would be incredibly selfish if you dumped him over that.

    • He doesn't talk to me at all. Ok? He never talks me me during the day. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in wanting my boyfriend to talk to me throughout the day. Congratulations for being able to see your boyfriend once a week. I get to see mine once a month. I live 50 miles away from him. I need to be happy. That's my first priority. Sorry if that's selfish. So be it.

    • Show All
    • I know. I'm aware. See the update? I fixed it.

    • But my answer was posted before you made that update. So now I see it in a different light. I still don't think you should dump him but you should tell him you would like him to put in more initiative or you're ending the relationship.

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