My problem with alpha males

I'm short, I'm very average looking, and I'm thin. To make up for those deficiencies, I have to rely on conversation and humor.

The problem is that it takes me a bit of that to really get a girl to start "considering" me. And all that foundation gets blown away the second a tall guy walks into the room. Because he's tall, he's assumed to be the alpha male so all that female attention goes to him, including the woman's I was working on. And he doesn't have to make any effort...just crack a joke here and there and they're all laughing their asses off.

And just like that, attraction for me goes away and it's all on him.

More power to him. I have nothing against that. However, does it have to be like that? Is that just life? That I'll always have to work hard just to get consideration that will disappear the instant some tall guy walks into the room? Or is there anything else I can do?

I appreciate all your answer.s It just sucks that in order to stand out I have to have a good conversation and some humor and I have to be "on" most of the time, while these guys don't have to do anything, and if they make just one comment, then they are regarded as "witty" and all these girls fall over.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Why don't you emphasize your good qualities? I'm sure you have features about you, which if emphasized or highlighted would be appealing. You can be short, average looking, and thin but a nice dresser. You can work out and get toned (you don't have to be muscular lots of girls like that lean yet defined look). You can work on your best qualities and not ONLY have to rely on conversation and humor. Just don't view yourself as "lesser" because you're short. Don't think that every tall guy has it easy. There are plenty of ugly ass tall guys walking around, I've never heard of a girl who was like "yeah he's ugly in the face, sh*tty personality but he's tallll!"


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What Girls Said 7

  • First of all, girls who will leave you and go for the so called tall good looking 'alphay male' are shallower than a toddlers play pool. I would take conversation and humour over that any day. So maybe you need to choose different girls and be thankful that you didn't spend any more time on the women that go for the alpha male.

    I'd also just like to add something here..women go through the same thing with men. I could be talking to a decent guy and he'd be laughing at my jokes and flirting but as soon as a chick in a shorter skirt, bigger boobs, longer legs walks by, what do you think happens? We get ditched too.

    Also on a side note, you may think being short and thin and average looking is a 'deficiency' but some girls may find you hugely attractive. I love a short guy personally - tall guys strain my neck ;)

  • I can't speak for other girls but as far as my own opinion goes, I do pay attention to a good conversation and humor. A tall guy may turn heads but if he's an ass, it really doesn't matter. If a girl is only attracted to a man based on his looks, that is a SHALLOW girl.

    You should consider yourself lucky if you're able to dodge someone with that type of personality! Because do you really want someone who can't appreciate your "shortness" and "average looks"?

    Please. Don't you think you deserve to share your good personality with someone who is equally kind and considerate?! I think so!

    What you can do is what you've been doing! Being yourself and actually putting life into a conversation. Obviously there are things you can do to improve your appearance and your health but you shouldn't worry too much about women who are clueless to begin with.


  • No, a girl worth your time won't be swayed by something as shallow as height. Short guys can be great for short girls and attractive. Perhaps you need to build confidence, and these guys are only outshining you in that department?

  • Just work out

  • I am sorry you feel this way. If you stop working hard, you will see that the person that is attracted to is more than skin deep. I understand because yeah, I get bypass for the tall, beautiful, and attractive girls. I get a bunch of guys falling for me after they get to know me.

    I always wonder what would it be like for a guy to just fall for me without having to get to know but then I get back to myself and realize if someone like me more than skin deep, I should appreciate it. I think you should just not feel pressure by external people but realize that you love yourself and that confident in self is attractive.

  • This shouldn't be titled "My problem with alpha males", it should be titled "My insecurities and failures because of "alpha males" '

    Why don't you try to gain some muscle? That's sexy! Being thin as a guy isn't as attractive, it makes them look frail.

    • it's difficult for me to gain weight. I work out and I play tennis regularly, so I'm actually in pretty good shape, it just doesn't show very well.

  • What can you do? That is an easy one.

    Okay, try dating Mexican chicks because they are short and their boyfriends are very very short.


What Guys Said 3

  • Bulk up, grow your muscles big. Learn how to project yourself more powerfully, e.g., body language, posture, assertiveness (not aggressiveness).

    Because I hate telling you this, that's life, people will always go for those with the top qualities, all you can do is work with what you have.

    • Totally disagree. I hate huge muscles.. I hate arrogant overly confident men. The alpha male thing does nothing for me. It's a turn off.

    • well, I didn't say it would work for EVERYBODY. Nobody is universally attractive.

  • I suggest you go to places where there are more women than men. Avoid bars and clubs. Think college campuses and yoga studios. Build a slow but steady relationship network of female friends and sooner or later if you have other good traits, you can probably convert one into a relationship or two. Change your tactics and you'll have better luck.

  • I'm short (5'6"), but I get plenty of action. This was and is still an issue for me.

    Always remember: You are as tall as you think you are. Short is as much of a mindset as it is a physical attribute.

    Develop your command presence. Talk more loudly. Go to the gym and bulk up. Eat lots of carbs and proteins to get more mass. Be more masculine. More Levis and lesss Lacoste.

    The honest truth is, it's all in your head. I don't think of myself as short compared to other people. Girls don't really care because I'm not looking to date them if they are taller anyways. Men don't treat me like I'm short because I could probably lay them out.

    • I'm glad to hear that a fellow short guy (I'm 5'6'' also) is doing well. The talk loudly part screws me up since I used to be shy, so it took a lot of work to become social and it's taking even more work to be loud and not sound like I'm trying too hard.

      I'm just kind of pissed how the tall guy who walks in is automatically the guy who's assumed to be the "leader". It just sucks to see the girls I've been working on focus their attention on him just by merely presenting himself.

    • the weird thing about all of this is I'm actually in pretty good shape. It might not show muscles-wise, but I do so much cardio because I'm a competitive tennis player, have been for several years, so I can outlast so many of these people in endurance. It's just that it's so hard for me to gain weight, it's always been that way despite me trying. I can tone my muscles, but because I'm skinny, it doesn't show, even though if you look closely, I have no fat, everything's muscle and bone.

    • You are as tall as you think you are. Tall people usually command more respect because they are just easier to notice. And at 5'6" you're really not THAT short.

      Bulk up. Eat a lot. Lots of protein and carbs. Even if you're not as lean and mean, you will have more meat on you. I'm not that toned, but I sure look like I can kick some azz.

      When I was really insecure about it, I would remind myself how many short badasses there were on TV. Vic Mackey (5'7") was and is my favorite character on TV

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