What's so wrong with spanking your child?

The better question might be, why have parenting styles changed so much?

I'm sure the majority of users on here were raised with the wooden spoon as a punishment method.

For those of you who are parents...were you raised with spanking? For those of you who were, what made you decide to change your parenting style from how your parents raised you? Do you think that the way they raised you made you to be a failure and so changed your method?

For those of you parents who still employ the spanking method, why do you still do it?

I was a spanked child. I turned out fine. My siblings are 8 years younger than me and my parents spanked them too. Even though the neighbors suddenly frowned upon the practice even though they spanked all their older children.

I'm not talking any abuse or blood or anything. You do something wrong once, they tell you not to do it again. You do it twice? You drop your drawers, bend over and take 5 smacks on the butt with a wooden spoon. Then the 'rents sit you down and explain to you that you disobeyed twice and so that's why you got spanked.

I don't see an issue with it personally. It obviously worked for hundreds of years and today's generation of up and coming children seem to be way more out of control than they were back in the day.

So, barring abuse (excessive spanking, use of an extreme object, unusual number of spanking) what is wrong with the system in your eyes?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm I was raised with the wooden spoon and soap in mouth from my mom and the belt and kicks/slaps from my dad. I'll tell you that these things didn't stop me from being a punk as a child. It did make me not want to spend time with my parents which kind of persists to this day. It did make me distrust adults and authority figures from a young age. It did make me punish other kids to get my way with them the way my parents did to me. In my family I was known as the troubled child who was always kept separate from the other kids. They did this in school as well and always kept my desk separate from the class and right next to the teacher all the way up until middle school. I vandalized my first house when I was in elementary school. Trust me when I say that I had very strict and conservative parents when it came to raising children. This didn't change how I acted at all.

    Look a child/adult won't change unless they decide themselves that they want to. You can't beat change into anyone. We really don't have control over another human being's actions no matter how much we'd like to feel like an authority figure as a parent or an adult. The more you do that the more they will resent you and act out more in protest. That's what I did at least. It wasn't until years later when I realized how self destructive that I became that caused me to change on my own merit without the help of others. The most we can do is try to point them in the right direction when they're very young.

    You know what stung more than all the beatings combined? In middle school after getting suspended for the umpteenth time and failing more classes my dad telling me that he failed with me and he didn't know where he went wrong. My parents stopped taking an interest in discipline or anything else from that point onward. Me failing classes and getting in detention was to be expected from that point onward and I didn't get any attention at all out of it. That burned me to the core more than any lashings from his belt. Getting in trouble to me was more about paying my parents back and getting back at them in that point of my life. Without that negative reaction out of them I had no other reason to do it. I then realized that the only person I was hurting was myself if I kept going on as I was. That was the time all my trouble making ended and the day I started to live more for myself began.

    In hindsight spanking me or anything else didn't change me. It made me want to get back at the man so to speak. In all my efforts though the person I hurt the most was myself. That's my problem with spanking children especially if you don't explain to them what it is they're doing wrong.

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    • I can understand that because my parents were very serious about that stuff too. It got to a point where everybody started blaming everything on me because I was the troubled kid and everyone would believe them. All my sister or any other kid had to do growing up was yell like they were scared when I was around and I would get in serious trouble. It got to the point where I didn't even care about getting hit or in trouble anymore. I stopped wanting to do anything with my parents too.

    • Different strokes for different folks I guess.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Spanking your child is teaching your kid that violence and abuse are OK and that they solve problems. It's admitting that YOU can't solve the problem without violence. And that's the possible start of a lot of problems.

    If you do it to your daughter she'll accept being beaten up by her husband.

    • So you're implying that because I was spanked all of 5 times in my childhood that I'll accept being beaten by my future spouse? How ridiculous is that?

    • No, that IF it happens, you'll more easily accept it.

    • Fat chance.

  • I wonder about thow some countries hae actually made it illegal (Scandinavia).

    I think it works as bad behavior modification, myself!

    The current crop of younger US kids on the whole haven' t had spankings, and they ARE way out of control I'm not saying there is a one-to-wone relationship between those two facts...

    But...there is SOME relationship!

    • Because the 'greasers' in the 1950s and the Hells' Angels, Outlaws etc weren't spanked?

  • I think spanking your kid should be done in the privacy of your own home and not in public. But I think it's needed to keep demon children in line. I was a little hell raiser being that I have adhd and I was naturally defiant lol.

    Humans are like pack animals. If you don't show you're in charge you get no respect. But you can't be disrespectful towards them also. You have to show affection when needed which is normal because if all you do is yell or hit them, they will hate you.

    If there is no repercussion to the act they did, it's like a hey.. pff I'm just going to get yelled at. I can deal with that.

    I used to live in Okinawa Japan and the teachers would take their knuckles and dig them into your temple if you misbehaved in class. So it's nothing new.

    • In elementary school, 5th grade there was a teacher who would command us to stick out our hands if we did anything wrong, then hit our fingers with a metal rod. He got fired. He should never have been in contact with children.

    • WoW.. There was this male 4th grade teacher who would physically hit kids and never got caught and had his job for a long time. Till he died from a heart attack. lol

  • ive always sort of resented my parents for hitting me

  • It's because the parents aren't in charge anymore, they give in to what the kid wants because they want to be his/her best friend instead of life coach.

  • My father never hit me, never menaced to do it.

    My mother never menaced to do it either. But every once in a month, she'd blow her top, hitting me as hard as she could, in private as well as in public, breaking objects too. My father would only intervene rarely to calm her...after the damage was done.

    I never felt I could trust her. Thus I never told her any problems I had. Never asked her any help, even when I really needed it. I learned to lie better than any crooked lawyer to shield myself from her occasional rage.

    I felt I was a stranger in our home. I could just as well have been a orphan in some not so good guest family.

    She's dead now but I still hate her memory because of that (and because of other things)

  • This is what I noticed with my ex girlfriend's kid (not mine)... She would never spank him and her mom believe that kid should not be spanked at because they are still small, the kid is 4 years old now, well back to the story, there methods were when he did something wrong they would send him to the corner to be with him for like a minute or 2 and since the boy is really active he get impatient which is good to that but the thing is they let him off the hook by only 7 seconds. They done NO! don't do that method. He is so crazy, he screams, doesn't eat well (very picky), he hits everyone including to his little cousin who is 2 years old (I think he is still 1), he runs off by himself, doesn't really show respect to his mom, and everything he sees he wants...

    I use to think if her mom just gave him a spank he would calm down, probably change his attitude, and be less crazy. he will turn out okay anyways.. His nanna says kids should not be spanked because they are innocent and don't understand what they are doing... For me kids are smart and know what they are doing.

    Once when he was jumping in his bed (which is dangerous because back then he was like 2 years old ) I could a little more control over him because he knew I wasn't like her mom and for some reason I would laugh a lot when he cried :) well once I smacked him in the back of his head, the smack was so small I was so surprised that he cried so much! I was like "wow this kid has never been laid a hand on him" after he called down he stopped jumping on the bed or at least stopped when I was there. Just once I did that he stopped when I was there but when I was gone he did it a lot of times... Now what does that show?

  • I always laugh when I see people saying "I was spanked / not spanked and I turned out fine". That can be said of millions of people on either side of the argument and it means absolutely nothing.

    An equally simple-minded minded statement is that spanking teaches kids that violence and abuse are acceptable. Nonsense. It's just not that simple and trying to make it so in plain naive.

    The truth is that no one knows a child like his or her parents do, and no one else has the right to judge them for how they parent. Everyone else should sty the f*** out of it.

    F***ing liberals...

  • I was generally a well behaved child. I don't think my mom employed that too much, more that it was just natural for me to act that way. I can count the number of times I've been whooped on my fingers. When I look back it, I usually didn't have to be whooped. My mom could just raise her voice and I would be effected, and that's only because I was deathly afraid of being whooped. My mom would never physically do anything unless I did something that I KNEW I wasn't supposed to do. If it was something I hadn't known, depending on the situation she'd either yell or calmly explain to me why I shouldn't or couldn't do whatever it is I did.

    On the other hand, I have 2 sisters who are 10 years younger than me. My mom constantly whoops them, but it has almost no effect on them. They are basically immune to the thought of physically being punished. It may stun them for a bit, but usually my mom has to do something else along with the whooping. It can be no tv, or no going outside, something of that nature.

    I want to know the exact same thing. Most of my friends aren't physically punished by their parents and usually you find them cursing at them, disobeying, all that bullshit. Personally, I think it's just personal preferences, background, and life circumstances.


What Girls Said 5

  • I wasn't spanked as a child and I turned out fine too... so in my opinion if it's possible to raise a child without spanking then I really don't see what the point behind it is. Spanking your kid is a quick fix in my eyes and not a solution. I have lots of respect for my parents and I'm happy that they never felt the need to physically hurt me in order to teach me a lesson.

    • My son was never hit, spanked or punished physically in any other way. He turned out fine.

    • Exactly... it's so unnecessary and the thought of causing physical harm towards my child in order to teach them a lesson is quite frankly disturbing to me.

    • Goor Girl :) :p

  • I had wooden spoon and/or chilli in my mouth (culture thing?) if I misbehaved. It worked as a deterrent, but my parents error was that they weren't consistent with their discipline.

    I'll spank my kids when they're too young to reason with. It's negative reinforcement - you do something bad, then you're punished. When they're old enough to understand explanations, etc, I'll stop.

    It's just about balance and proportionality.

  • Maybe there are other methods of educating a child that doesn't involve hitting them with utensils. The fact that someone believes spanking is the only way of raising a child correctly says a lot about the individual.

    Crimes have always existed. That's nothing new and it was nothing to do with being spanked.

  • People nowadays are too sensitive to be disciplined.

  • While you were spanked as a child and turned out fine, my siblings and I were not spanked as children and also turned out fine. So with that being said, I think the main issue I personally have with spanking is the fact that it’s just not necessary. In my opinion, there are better, more positive ways of disciplining a child that don’t involve physical force; spanking is just lazy parenting, and causes children to behave only out of fear.