Is it normal to feel this way?

At least once a week, I have a day when I look in the mirror and feel disgusted. It's like all the fat is bulging out monstrously. I look at my face and I can literally find fault with every single detail. I don't speak because I hate the sound of my own voice and I hate what I say and think and do because everyone else can speak, think, and act better. And at the end of the day, I just cry, usually for at least an hour. I go to bed wondering if life is even worth it.

Most days I struggle to leave my dorm room. I spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find something else to fix, one more thing to do before leaving, and then I stand in front of the door to the hallway, trying to convince myself it's okay to leave, that I look fine, that no one cares, that I need to go, but sometimes I just can't.

I don't self-harm. I don't starve myself or anything like that. I've never actually attempted suicide. I just feel hopeless and unlikable and hideous.

The few times I've tried to tell someone how I felt, they blew me off. Said I was exaggerating, said everyone gets like that, said it's a phase, but... I've been like this for almost nine years. And I don't understand how anyone functions well if everyone feels like this. Am I just missing some kind of coping method everyone else knows about? Or do I have an actual problem?

Sorry for the length. Please help...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh dear. s:

    Well, it's true that many people deal with these kinds of feelings, but I do think the people you've talked to are underestimating what you're going through. That being said, you should be honest to yourself and wonder if you don't do things to get people's attention, whether you don't sometimes exaggerate to make people feel sorry for you. I'm not trying to accuse you of such things, but it's important to be critical of yourself in this way. You also shouldn't feel bad about want that kind of attention. It's normal to feel that way, to want those things, but it's better to be honest about it, both for yourself and for those around you.

    I advise you to start seeing a psychologist. They can help a lot with these kinds of things. I would also urge you to find a more supportive environment. People who tend to go through this kind of thing are often not getting the right feedback from those around them. You need friends who are understanding enough to help you through these things and who make you feel good about yourself.

    I wish you the best of luck. You seem like a wonderful person.


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What Guys Said 3

  • awwwwwwwwwwwwwww poor baby! what you need is for someone to tell you you're not insecure over and over you should maybe post your pictures on the site or have friends tell you what they think you really look like or have strangers tell you what they think you really look like

  • The problem is that you aren't happy with your body. Why don't you work on losing weight/getting fit. If you feel that your face is that bad learn to apply a little bit of makeup but I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think. You can change the way you speak if you don't like it but again I think that this is probably a non-issue.

    While you lose weight start thinking in a more positive manner about your body. I think that apart from the weight the other issues probably just come from low self-esteem.

  • I'm sorry to hear you're in this "negative emotional state". Quite a bit of people are in your situation, and most of the time there are a chain linked reasons that cause this and only you can technically fix this. Not physical and the appreciation of others, but your own. Now this is quite deep and to fix it you need to do some "sacrifice" which means talk to some certain people, which value you, family members they want only the best for you, and take steps one by one, I'm very very very very sure this something you can totally overcome, but as I said strangers (including me ) won't help much.


What Girls Said 2

  • There are millions and millions of people in this world who feel just like you, sweetie, but what I can never understand, is WHY they do nothing about it? All those wasted days of looking in the mirror at "your fat bulging," trying to "find something to fix," feeling so "hopeless and unlikeable and hideous", and finding there are times you can't even leave your dorm to go out because you don't think you look okay, could have been spent DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I know what you are saying,"Easier said than done," but it CAN be done if you would change your mind---and attitude---and start even tomorrow! I would suggest firstly, to get the "new year ball rolling," is make an appointment with your doctor or A doctor, and get a physical. Make sure everything is alright with you physically. Then, have a long talk about your weight, and he or she can put you on a very strict diet. Losing this "fat" that you find repulsive will begin a whole new outlook on how you start to feel about your body, face, voice, and your whole mindset about yourself. In time, as you begin to feel good about yourself, as you look into the mirror and see a HUGE improvement, you will even get the incentive to go out and shop for new clothes, get a new hairstyle, and this in turn, will create a "whole new girl." Stop with the tears and feeling sorry for yourself, and start to get a game plan together for this new year. It has just begun---and you can too, to change yourself--and your life----and with this, you will find everyone around you will "stop blowing you off," and instead, want to "start showing you off" as the most amazing girl they ever came across, who now looks and sounds and acts so fabulous. Give it a whirl, sweetie, you have nothing to lose but weight--and insecurities...In time you will find out that there is a whole new world out there "worth living". Good luck.

    • Don't forget too...With losing weight, comes a strict exercise routine...Both go hand in hand, and this is not only good for the body, but stimulates the mind as well...:))

  • No, I don't think this is normal. It sounds like you could be experiencing depression, anxiety, or body dysmorphic disorder. Please seek help from a therapist. You mentioned a dorm room, so I'm assuming you go to college or a boarding school. Colleges and boarding schools usually have on-campus therapists that are available free or cheap to students.

    There's nothing wrong with seeking help and having a mental illness doesn't make you crazy. I see a therapist at my school to help deal with attachment problems from my childhood. She's very nice and she told me that the stigma is that only crazy people see therapists, but the fact is that it's the opposite. If a person is truly "crazy", they cannot recognize their need for help. Please just try one appointment with a therapist and see how it goes.

    The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) has great articles about depression and different forms of anxiety. The MayoClinic has a great article about body dysmorphic disorder. Unfortunately, I couldn't attach the links because I'm not level 4, but try to take a look at these articles.

    Please seek help and you're never alone!


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