What commonalities do guys look for in relationships with women?

What things in common do guys look for in relationships?

But then if guys look for commonality, how does the "opposites attract" work?

I don't get it. Do guys prefer similar - like best friends? or different - to avoid boredom and add spice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "Opposites attracts" works on a mind level. The mind is abhorred with similarity, it has been trained to operate in this manner, especially with Western education. Teachers tell you to notice the differences, rarely do they encourage students to for similarities. Subconsciously, the mind is trained to think "I am bored unless something different new is put in front of me". While this is "good" in some ways, but if you look carefully, truly innovative products are rare; the internet being one of them.

    On a heart level, opposites never attracts. Say, if you have the desire to steal, to harm others to benefit yourself, would you make good friends, or even enter a great relationship with someone who is your opposite ?

    On a relationship level, those who operate on the mind predominantly may enter "opposite attracts" relationship. There is only one result --- separation. This happens when there is nothing new about the other person anymore. Try eating your favourite food (from ice cream to caviar) every meal for 5 days and see what happens...this also accounts for many extra-marital affairs and divorces.

    In the long run, similar personalities, background, interests, purposes of life, ... stay together.

    Take a look at nature, there are symbiotic and parasitic relationships. Parties in these relationships USE each other. But do you see them mating each other ? Do you see a cow chasing a bird for intimate relationships ? This is a lesson for many human beings to learn --- stop USING each other to relieve each's boredom (opposite attracts), and start using their heart, and stop letting the mind control the heart, i.e. reverse the master-servant role relationship. You can bet there will then be a lot fewer divorces, extra-marital affairs, and abuses in all forms, and a lot more happy people on the streets.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You don't have to be the same, but you have to be compatible on "the main things". An example: I'm a vegetarian out of "ethical reasons", so I might date someone who has different taste then me in music or films or politics, but I would not date a girl who thinks that animals are "mindless objects" that are just there to be used. You have to work out what is important to them, and make sure you are compatible on that level, otherwise it is doomed to failure.

    Being completely the same would just be boring, but that is anyway unlikely. I think most (but not all) guys want a girl to (in no particular order): 1) be faithful, 2) have sex with them, 3) not critic all they do/say, 4) let them "lead" (at least in public), 5) look after them when they are ill, 6) not complain overly about what they look like (in other words, be subtle when you try to get them to change their looks), 7) give them the impression you think they are great.

    Somewhat less common, but also likely: A) that you cook (or at least that they don't have to), B) that you wear something special for them, C) show interest into their job/hobbies, D) sometimes make the first move to show you "want it now"

    • 5) look after them when they are ill - how sweet is this, really :)

    • Most men turn into baby when they are ill, and so they like to be treated like one then ... This is when they show their "soft side" and that they need you. Letting them down at that point would be "very bad timing".

      I would appreciate if whoever gave me a "-" would at least tell me what they don't agree with... I'll just have to assume that it was someone who hates vegetarians (which was just a personal example, and wasn't meant to mean most men are or should be one).

  • Most of the guys get attracted to girls physique first.But it alone doesn't impress them.Girls friendliness and care taking stuff will work out...

  • I am not exactly sure and of course that varies guy to guy. Everyone involved in a relationship looks for some commonality otherwise your interests will not be compatible. For example, both have an adventurous spirit and willing to try new things. Now, that could depend on the type of girl as well. I noticed in a commonality in girls I really like. They are exactly opposite of my mother. In every physical and mental sense possible.

    I think a guy wants someone romantically who will become their best friend as opposed to a best friend becoming romantically involved.


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