Why does it still hurt ?

its been four months since me and my girlfriend broke up. She left me for another guy and we were together for 4 years. She wanted to be friends so we tried it but I knew the only way to move on is to stop all contact with her. We haven't spoken since than and I was feeling like I was moving on as the months gone by. I even got me a new girlfriend but I still had feelings for my ex. than all of a sudden I logged into my old AIM screen name and my ex IM's me even before my buddy list open. She asked me where I have been and why I haven't been on AIM or yahoo anymore. I changed my aim and yahoo so she wouldn't IM me so I can just forget about her. We talked for awhile but after that I continued to just ignore her once she signed off and I removed my old screen name from my save bar so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. After that I've been feeling the same way the day she broke up and I broke it off with my current girlfriend because I felt I was just using her as a comfort and I don't want to do that to her. She understands and were now friends but why can't I get over my ex that I was with for 4 years. I feel like I can't escape and she is trapped in my mind. I don't no what to do anymore I'm trying so hard to get over her by occupying myself with friends. I even started to workout so I can boost my self esteem but every night I think about her and I even dream about her. In my heart I know I can find me another girl but why can't I get over this one girl. I don't even want to get back with her. She claims to still love me but I can't believe it and I think she is just saying that so I will be around when her boyfriend leaves her.

i don't no what to do anymore. Cutting all contact seems to work but if she contacts me its like I have to go through the pain again.

She left me for some guy she met online and the guy is older than me. After accepting that she is no longer with me I began to look back on why she left me.

He is probably a lot more mature than me and she says she doesn't have to worry about being with him because he lives in another country.

hes 24 and I'm 19.

i have no idea what job he does and I'm in the military.

i don't know I'm just rambling because this seems to make me feel better I guess.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You were with her for 4 years so of course you're still in pain. What exacerbates it is the fact that she left for someone else and that's a stake in the heart. There is no formula or pill that can take away your pain. The only thing that will heal you is time. You're already doing some great things as you continue the road to healing...i.e. you created new email/screen names, ceased all contact, hanging out with friends, working out etc.

    Continue moving forward and living each day as normal as possible. Allow yourself to grieve because essentially that is what you're doing. In addition, don't be afraid to lean on people to just talk about it. Talking things out can make a world of difference.

    I am a stranger to you but feel free to message me. I will gladly listen or offer any further advice you may need. I cannot promise that I will have all of the answers, but what I can assure you is that I have been in your position. Break ups suck but you will get better.

    Be well.

    • Thx ill keep it in mind

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I am sorry that she dumped you for another man, after 4 long years in a relationship. That truly sucks. Since breaking off all contact with her seems to work for you, then keep it up. You can and will find someone perfect for you and eventually you won't feel the pain from your ex anymore. A good guide line for break up recovery was actually on "Sex and the City" Charlotte said that it takes half the time you were together for you to get over the relationship.

    Since you were together for 4 years, then you should expect to be recovering from it for two years. If she contacts you again, then tell her straight up how hurt you were by her dumping you and that you don't want to speak to her for awhile while you sort things out.

  • From experience cut all ties completely. My ex of 8 years split up with me 8 months ago and treated me like sh*t. I would constantly text him and he was just horrible therefore causing me more pain. He changed his number which was the best thing he could have done for me.

    I did'nt hear from him for months and I was starting to except the fact that we were over only for him to contact me via e-mail the other day telling me he still loves me etc and then on a different occasion telling me it would'nt work. I mean what the hell is he doing playing with my emotions like that. I wish to god he had'nt bothered cause it has stirred up my emotions again and I feel like I'm back at square one. All contact my be cut otherwise like me it will take forever to get over them.


What Guys Said 2

  • Hey dude, I want to congratulate you. Out of all the people that's posting their break up stories on here I just want to say yours is the least pathetic. In fact you're about the only person on here that has kept his dignity and done the absolute right thing after a break up. So congratulations.

    You don't need advice from anyone here, believe me you are doing just fine and I wouldn't say it did I didn't mean it. Give it more time you will feel better soon.

    Seriously after your story I'm thinking of joining the military because the discipline, WOW the discipline.

    • Sorry forgot to answer your question...

      It hurts because you're human.

  • forget her brah I knoe it's hard to deal with but you'll find some better trust me! Hang in there!

    K Late.