Difference between the ways black and white guys flirt and how to make it stop?

So I'm mixed race (black, white an asian), and I've noticed a trend. Both black and white guys hit on me roughly the same amount, with white guys it's guys closer to my age. With black guys, it's males who look like they could be about 5-10 years my senior. I'm 18, but I get mistaken for someone who is younger a lot. Most people guess me to be around 16. I've also noticed a different style in flirting.

The white guys are usually far less creepy, involves far less touching and don't make suggestive looks or implications really. It's typically just the usual charming, bashful flirting. Black guys (other than 1 as I vividly remember how sweet he was) usually make comments that make me uncomfortable, are quite grabby, I've been cornered a couple times and ae usually much older than I am. I have had them lick their lips at me (happened today), yell at me in a very sexual manor, yell sexual things at me and frankly it is all around vulgar. It really doesn't help the stereotypes around black males. And it makes me super uncomfortable.

Has annoyed else noticed the difference in flirting/hitting on between these two races specifically? Is it just me?

Because of this, I literally feel so uncomfortable around black men and probably come across as rude to all of them, because quite frankly I am because they usually treat me in such a vulgar manner. I can honestly say, no white guy has ever hit on me in a vulgar way, not whatsoever.

*Not that this should matter, but I don't dress "suggestively" or "provocatively" at all, I clearly look younger than my age and I don't really know what else could catch this attention in a way to which I am reacted to as a sexual object by black guys.

I think this has also affected the type of guys I am attracted to, because I have no attraction to black guys at all, and I think this has some effect on that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm caucasian and bisexual. I'm not much of a player nor do I play a lot but I'll try to weigh in. In my post White=Caucasian and Black=African-American (we have a lot of foreign students from Africa and the experience has been different)

    The first thing we have to look at is your sample size and where you live. In large enough aggregate you see patterns but in general with a handful of people you see individuals who shouldn't reflect on an overall pattern. This is why I think we should have more social science funding both for greater sample sizes and experiments like this.
    Now in my experience I haven't seen the age gap as much when being pursued though I've seen black guys tend to be more outgoing in terms of seeking sex then white guys. In my opinion it's because white guys are taught to play the game by taking more time and not being to aggressive where as black guys tend to be more outgoing and more forward about what they want.

    That said a lot of this is also about your perception and the circumstances so drawing sweeping conclusions should be done with caution since they may apply to a group or subgroup of black or white people your dealing with thats dependent on the subgroup your in as well as your location.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I've often heard black women say they can't even tell if a white man is interested, I wonder if this is why.

    • It's true. I have the same issue. Black guys come across as playa's and white guys.. well... who knows... I can never tell if they're interested or just being extra flirty and talkative. Most times though I will see guys stare all night long but never approach.

    • @clarity85 If a man is talking to you, chances are he's interested. like 10 to 1 odds.

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