How do you make someone feel secure?

I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend who has C-PTSD, and she says she doesn't feel secure with me, even though I know I'm the most devoted faithful person a person can be?

Any advice to what I can do? She won't tell me and says I should figure it out my self, otherwise she knows she had to tell me and then would only think I'm doing it because of that...

If someone could give me some solid advice to follow that would be very helpful.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's unfair for her to burden you with all the responsibility of making her feel needed - especially since you really aren't the cause of her insecurity. If she is suffering from C-PSTD, then she needs to take steps to make herself feel better with you helping her. Not expecting you to just inherently know how to deal with it.

    Reading about C-PSTD, I don't understand how she can tell you to "figure it out". From the little research I did, recovery seems complicated and is approached from many different angles. She needs to tell you how to deal with it and what to do - I find it extremely selfish of her to expect you to muddle through her problems on your own. I'm not trying to be mean - I am aware that what she suffers from isn't her fault. But in order for her to recover or deal with it in a healthy way - she needs more than just you figuring it out.

    With normal insecurities, I can understand - but something as complex as what she is suffering, what little you do won't really make a difference unless she makes an effort along with you.

    All you can do is explain to her that you want to help. It isn't your fault if you don't know what to do, and if she wants to keep you to tell you what she needs. Because it's unfair for her to make you deal with her problems on your own.

    Good luck.

    • I think she was just frustrated, we found a site truthabout deception, so she is helping.

    • Well, I'm confused. Have you cheated on her? Or has she been cheated on and is making you deal with the result of that?

      All in all, maybe you can discuss this with a professional counselor who might be able to help you deal with this. I still think that telling you what she needs from you is the easiest way to deal with her problems. I mean, she would know best about what she wants. You making an effort should be enough to show her how much you love her ...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • honestly, a long distant relationship is hard enough without the added stress of her condition. all you can do is let her know you are as devoted to her as she is to you. she's going to have to condition herself to not over analyze and over react to every little thing which is hard enough for any girl lol. she will someday realize its not fair to expect you to know what she needs w/o her telling you. it just sucks getting what you want because you asked for it, not because he wanted to give it.


What Guys Said 2

  • I am going through a smiliar situation right now, the only thing you can really do is be yourself. You can write letters, put them in the mail, every now and again do something special but I have come to learn if I have to sell myself to make a woman who Knows I'd never hurt her, well then she is just being selfish. In time she will either see you're the same person or break it off. You should not have to put in a whole lot extra effort.

  • I agree with Simple. While you are doing your part, she really has to do hers.