Why is she running away?

I've been dating this girl for a month now. We seem to have a really strong connection. She's always complimenting me by saying how smart, funny, interesting, and good looking I am. I asked her formally to be my girlfriend and the response was basically "Are you joking? Why would you want to date me. I'm older than you and you're too good for me." We talked for a while and she hesitated but eventually said "OK, if you want to try." Afterward we had a really awesome date together.

2 days later she emails me at 6am. She gave me a ton of compliments again and basically said she's not ready for a relationship yet and sorry for being so indecisive. The email ends with "well, thanks for everything." Keep in mind that she's not a native speaker but very fluent. My response to this was essentially "Sorry for pressuring you. I know how you feel. Hopefully we can be friends." The last email from her was "Thanks for your kind email."

Why is she running away from me? Does she really consider me too good for her and is afraid of getting hurt?


Most Helpful Guy

  • She's a weird one.

    My suspicion is that this girl thinks you're great but already has a boyfriend/husband on the side. I've had this EXACT same thing happen to me and I discovered she had someone else.

    So she's really trying not to hurt you.

    Hopefully you can learn from this? Don't spoil a good thing with "logic and structure" when it comes to the relationship. Let HER decide when she wants to commit and make the relationship "official."

    Often when one person is pressuring the other to commit (within the first three months) it comes across as needy and desperate. So don't do this unless you're worried she's sleeping with other guys and you're no longer comfortable sharing your bed unless you both stop seeing other people.

    Better luck with the next girl?

    ~ Robby

    My blog ( link )


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What Girls Said 1

  • Most of the time its because she feels you are a good guy and she may have bad ways and doesn't want to corrupt or damage a good guy. You said she is older, so this shows that she has been through a lot and is protective of not only herself but you. Maybe she knows her tendacies and is for warning you..hence her comment "ok if you want to try"...I think that she doesn't feel you can handle the "real" her and once you see the skeletons in her closet, she may think you will run like hell...just a thought

    • Thanks for your response. Makes sense. Do you think I can pursue her from here? Her statement sounded really final, like don't bother contacting me again final. Maybe I should wait a while and get back in touch with her.

What Guys Said 1

  • Some girls don't know if they want to make it official right away. They might hang out with you, and sleep with you but still takes them awhile to decide.