+1 y

Should I stay or should I go: unrequited love.

I never thought I'd use one of these things, but I generally liked the responses I've been seeing. Let's see if anyone can help!

I'm twenty-one-years-old interested in a friend. We've been flirting with each other on and off for the last three years. He had a long-term (4 yr) relationship with a friend of mine in HS, and I was never interested in him until our friendship grew further a while after they broke up. By being alone together, it felt intimate. He tried hooking up with me once but I was shy even though the feelings were there. We hung out a lot until I left for college, and he for the navy.

When he came back to our city on leave he would hook up with other girls. He has a very promiscuous past, unlike me. I've gone on a few dates but nothing came of it. I haven't been interested in other men, really. I just keep busy with myself and my friends. I would tell him that this hurt me (I openly told him I liked him, and he said the same back, but his actions showed differently). He wouldn't come see me, and instead would ditch me to have one-night stands with other girls.

I stopped talking to him because I felt I was wasting my time, and I was hurt at his selfishness. We stopped talking for about six months, and then he would send me long messages online apologizing and what-not. I'm a sucker and would always give in and talk to him again. In a nutshell, the last two years we've been talking on and off.

It's been the best with us, since HS, most recently. We talk/laugh a lot on webcam, sext, etc. It works for me too because I'm busy. We've been talking about dating and he wants to do so when he's out of the navy completely. He doesn't want to do long-distance because he doesn't think it works. He's tried having a girlfriend (when we weren't speaking) and it didn't last a month.

Thing is, it feels like we practically have a relationship already. But he doesn't want to commit now. Recently, I physically saw him for the first time in two years, and we hooked up (make out session & then some). We texted the days afterward, avoiding awkwardness, and I think everything's OK with us.

I'm concerned that I'm leading myself to a dead end. I have strong feelings for him (obviously) and I do believe he cares for me, but I know he's not ready to be with me. He's still away until Spring, so he physically isn't around, but I can't help but feel that it is an excuse, another road to disappointment. He's single and could be acting out his promiscuity, still.

I don't know if I am waiting. A lot of my friends feel he is bad for me, even though I know it's different between us. My one friend, who knows him OK, thinks that I am an option to him, while I make him my priority.

I fear I am wasting my time giving love to someone who isn't on board with me. I wonder if I should take some course of action. We've tried not speaking to each other, which seems to make things more intense for both of us. I'd like to at least be friends. But can I do that?

Thank you!
Updates:
+1 y
Told him we can't date. Of course he followed with "I still wanna see you naked in my bed" & he wasn't joking. Hopefully he'll stop texting me like that so we can be OK. He's being clingy now to win me back as an option. Nope, buh-bye. :D Thanks yall!
Should I stay or should I go: unrequited love.
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