Have you ever fallen for someone who shared the very things you hated about your exes?

[Gagname]

Hi - You said, “its like God’s testing me. I met this great guy... So im just tryna enjoy his company while i can...”

Could it be possible that God is not testing you but instead is trying to help you find out about yourself and why you fall for “things you hated about your exes” through putting this guy in your path now? I think it is.

I broke your post down into what you said about him—the pluses & minuses...

Pluses about him:

• mental connection (psychic/intuitive spark)
• physical attraction/sexual chemistry
• love for dancing
• same age & height
• zodiacs mesh
• intense connection
• love being around eachother.
• “He even felt the need to apologize for their mistakes. Like wow. Not necessary but damn that made him even hotter”

Minuses about him:

• workaholic
• probable hectic career
• may not want kids
• breaks promises
• has band groupies and is obsessed w selfies & social media followers
• “he's all go with the flow and im usually a planner”

I see major red flags here. First, you say he may not want kids and that’s a “deal breaker” for you. Also, there are trust & respect, and appreciation & communication issues...

Regarding trust & respect: you say you “have a jealous streak” and his being in a band and liking selfies & followers is an explosion waiting to happen. Also, he says you guys will “hang at a certain time” but he doesn’t come through for you and doesn’t seem to care that because he’s so busy he doesn’t have much time for you—although time management & promises are important to you (but apparently not to him).

Concerning appreciation & communication: you seem to see the negative side of things—what you’re missing out on, instead of appreciating the great things about him: for example, you said, “He’s in med school... prob gonna be another workaholic... Hard for a girl who needs quality time”; why not instead think: “He’s in med school—he’s so smart and dedicated.” You need to do a better job of appreciating him, while at the same time communicating your needs to him.

There are some big legitimate concerns about your current relationship. You may have an “intense connection” & great “sexual chemistry” with him but you still might be really bad for each other, and/or you may have some trust and selfishness issues to work on. You should think about what a good relationship is/provides—see the following links...

What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/what-does-healthy-relationship-look

[RHK36]

I don't know you or him, but just based on that seems like it's just lust. Probably picking the wrong guys because your top priorities are leading you to men that don't really want what you want.

[jennifer_bloom]

I like confident guys who are religious and ambitious and the last guy I dated was not confident - had doubts about God’s existence - and lacked ambition

[OlderAndWiser]

Those are all what you call "warning signs."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No can't say as I have.

[mfate76]

Takes a long duration of time to get to know or be accustomed to another person's personality. The possible sex activity in the early stages of relationship as SOLLITUDE and physical attractions will spark Oppurtunity for sexual activity. Yes sex is fun between a couple especially early stages. Fantastic sex won't change the fact there are differences between the couple in life outside the intimacy realm and those differences don't change because your having sex. If you for example really love travel and camping but the partner doesn't then DONT expect that to change after the sparks fly in the bedroom.

Bedroom fun is much better when both individuals female and male have similar passions and joys outside the bedroom.

Things in common is more important than things in bed as for a successful relationship to work their needs to be an encompassed element of similar interests

[mike542]

If the chemistry is there then i think you should give him a try.
Also i don't think time management is smth that you should break up with the guy for. I mean anyone can easily be tought how to do it! You can even teach him yourself!
Also i think you can always be honest with the guy and tell him what you think and try to work it out together

[ineedatan]

I encourage you to sit and list your standards and values which you look for in a life partner. Reflect on your past relationships and exs, and tell yourself do you wish to fall back into the same cycle of going for boys whom had traits which you highly dislike and don't wish to tolerate? What are your major red flags? Stand firm with standards that are truly important to you, and don't settle.

[SjE78]

once, yes... but it never worked out... however i treat any new potential relationship as literally something new, and dont compare anyone to any ex, this way they have a fair chance in being who they want to be, without the constant stress of being compared and having to prove themselves... after all it isn't fair judging someone for the mistakes of someone else and making them pay the price of correcting the wrongs committed by someone else

[Jjpayne]

No exes yet officially... But I've yet to find another girl past my last date. However, I do look at other girls I encounter and I see myself getting attracted to girls that seem to have themselves organised and together but some girls like that can be too strict and have certain ways they like to do things rather than be open and willing to try new things rather than be too stubborn about their current way they like to do things. Relationships should be about sharing

[jgokgotit]

You have to remember that, no matter how many similarities exist, he is not one of your exes. EVERYONE is going to have traits you do not like. Give him a real chance and see how things go. I've fallen for women who remind me of my exes but I do my best to see them for who they are. Also, as humans, we tend to be creatures of habit. That means we tend to be attracted to what is familiar aka traits that are similar between exes.

[JDavid25]

Uh oh.. Here we go again with the love/hate relationship with some "sexy" dude.. 😂😂.. But heah just give it some time to see if the good outweighs the bad.. See if he will eventually wannabe with you or see you as a quick flirt.

[Anonymous]

Always, that's why I gotta stay single once I get free from current girlfriend

[Anpu23]

It sounds like a good match. He's ambitious, got a good career ahead of him. If you are willing to play housewife and mother he'll come around on kids. He's worried about time commitment which is a realistic viewpoint.

[Trooper205]

This is what happened when I crushed on You.
Everything You were became what I liked in a Girl. Even things that were considered "flaws" were seen differently by me. Of course, those feelings died after the friend zone hit. I've since found someone who is perfect in my Eyes ❤️

[Dongtai]

No. I try to find girls who have the qualities I liked in past relationships and without the bad qualities I didn’t like in the relationship. Otherwise it’s just a repeat of what I’ve already been through

[SphynxUK]

All I’ll say is, why do you keep comparing him to your exes?
Nothing you mentioned about them is unique to ‘your exes’ either.

[Hans222]

That sounds like happiness in the making Desi, thumbs up the sparks will keep coming.
I haven't, as you know... no previous relationships.

[cheapshotbob]

they say if its to good to be true it probably is , which means you should run for the hills before the clock strikes midnight Cinderella lol

[Chris_u006]

Not after. An ex is an ex and will still be for whatever reason. Are you absolutely sure the accurate word for "QUALITY" time is the right chosen one? Sure you wanna spend a LOT of time with someone you truly love, but that could also slightly decrease the desire you want to feel.

[spartan55]

There was something about sexy voice dude too if I remember. 😜

[KingdomForAKiss]

Usually the qualities that I dislike show up later. The most recent ex shared a commonality with a previous one about lack of work ethic/laziness. Both lied about it as well.

That's a lot of reg flags... I'd be hesitant, at the very least.