What am I doing wrong? Why don't guys I like notice me?

I only get noticed and approached by old nasty guys (40+ and generally unclean) or losers in my classes who are kind of snobby and rude and have very little in common with me. For this reason, I've never had a boyfriend or even gone out on a date.

I don't understand why I've never been approached or even smiled at by a cute, nice, guy who likes the same stuff I do and is in my age range (I'm almost 22). I've even tried approaching guys I was interested in, so I'm not against doing the legwork, but when I've tried it didn't work out. Is it something about me?

I'm not super confident or anything, but I don't think I'm ugly. I'm not typical college-girl hot (or what that seems like at my school), but people (generally women) have told me I'm pretty - my dentist and one of my professors (both are women) told me I look like Jessica Alba. So I'm not fishing for compliments or just asking for someone to tell me that I'm pretty or something like that.

I try to be friendly and nice to everyone even though I'm a little shy and reserved. I'm easy going, laid back and active (I like to play tennis, golf, swim and ice skate) too.

I work out and I'm comfortable with my body (I'm 5'2" and my measurements are 32C-25-36.5), so I don't whine about "being fat" like a bunch of my friends with boyfriends do. (I also thought guys liked curves?) I try to be positive (but not freakishly so) and upbeat and open to stuff.

I've got brown hair (the exact shade changes 'cause I dye it) and brownish-hazel eyes and I generally wear kind of casual clothes, but nothing too slobby. I'm a little bit of a tomboy (I prefer watching sports like hockey, lacrosse, and football to shows like Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl), but I like to wear some make-up and perfume and have my nails painted and stuff.

I really don't know what I'm doing wrong - I try to be friendly and approachable and put-together. Can anyone tell me why I'm screwing up so badly?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Not to sound ridiculously optimistic or anything, but after reading this, I can tell there is nothing wrong with YOU personally. I agree with goodgrlgnbad there, that maybe it's more in your delivery. At this age, most guys are kind of like zombies. They're still young and have yet to find a place (personally and professionally) to place their focus because there's either too much or not enough to do. So, yes, you should work on being more flirtatious with someone who sparks your interest.

    Do what comes naturally, even if you get nervous and walk away thinking "he must think I'm a complete idiot!" I've written this response many times before, but if you get nervous, use it to your advantage. Control it as much as possible; don't get a heart attack when talking to a guy you like, but don't worry about showing some sign of nervousness or discomfort. Personally, if a girl gets nervous talking to me, I get suspicious, especially if she is shy.

    Like goodgrlgnbad said, send better signals. Bite your lip. Fidget around with your keys, phone, etc. Play with your hair. Ask a friend for flirting advice.

    Bottom line, though, nothing is wrong with YOU personally. Jessica Alba's kind of a cutie, so you've got that in your favor. Be patient, work on those signals, and you'll snag someone great sooner or later.

    • Wow. I wrote a lot. Sorry, I hope you're able to keep your attention throughout all that haha.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Ok, I think guys might be afraid to approach you. When reading your detailed (yes I did read it all) question, I immediately thought of Jackson Browne's 'Somebody's Baby.' The song is about a girl who's not approached because guys think she has a boyfriend.

    There is NOTHING wrong with you. Love just simply hits you when you least expect it. It's just waiting for something, and I know it's frustrating, but it's on its way.

    Do you have guy friends? Do you just sit and talk to guys? That will build your confidence, social circle, and possibly get you dates from your friends.

    Don't post a picture! It doesn't matter. It matters who you are inside, but that sure doesn't help the initial attraction.

    You're been granted a unique perspective into how a guy feels. 'What don't girls see in me?' lots of guys ask.

    You had great courage to confirm that you're awesome! Too bad the great guys don't see it!

  • What do you look like.


  • Maybe your more of a man then them. Ha :p

    Dude, I'm nearly 21 and have never had a relationship...haven't even kissed a girl before. I'm one of those fat guys who everyone "loves" and thinks is hilarious, cute, funny, intelligent, attractive, but they don't want to ever pursue anything. Going to read the responses here, but meh, whatevz.

  • What other females say is not important. It is not important whether you are comfortable or not with your body. If you don't have image we cannot say anything. Also female's personality is not important. Sorry but if you don't have picture we will not be able to say something useful.


What Girls Said 5

  • Just wondering... you told us what comments females give you but not males? When I first started getting compliments of guys I took note and played them up to my advantage. I'm a bit shorter than you, but you're still below average - use that! Men seem to find my shortness 'adorable' for example say you can't reach something and ask if they could please get it, not only does this use your asset it makes men feel useful and like your hero. However, make sure you flirt too - smiling isn't enough - approaching a guy and asking him out is too much (although some may be glad you did the legwork a lot of guys need to have that challenge; they are biologically programmed for pursuing) - you need to strike a middle ground. After this, make sure when you talk to a guy, you ask him about himself and seem genuinly intrested - you may be great, but he needs to know you think he's great too. Lastly, describing guys our age as rude, rules out about 90 percent of them unfortunetly, perhaps you are too mature and need to find someone a good few years older than you - depending on what you've operationalised as 'rude' of couse.

  • Maybe you're not sending the right signals? You have to be a little bit flirty! Smile more playfully than " oh hey hi!" - bite your lip or something ;)

    And don't worry about the nasty old guys. All of us have to deal with that sometimes unfortunately.

  • Unfortunately what a woman tells you doesn't help much. I have definitely seen girls I thought were attractive that my male friends did not. It is your initial appearance that can get a guy interested and without a picture it is impossible to tell if your appearance is sending a signal that is hurting you. I have a girlfriend who is great but she dresses herself in a way that screams "lesbian" and I am sure she is not. I have met women who like to dress comfortable and don't realize they are not sending off enough of a feminine vibe.

    Beyond that, listing what you think of yourself isn't very helpful either. I personally don't think I come across as a bossy ball buster, but apparently I do to some guys. They just don't find my intellectual side to be very sexy and my ability to debate is a turn-off, but I am okay with that and have had to wait for the guys who do find me girlfriend material. I think we all tend to misjudge how we come across, people don't always feel good about telling you their opinion, and worse as women we often miss the mark on what guys are attracted to initially or what they want in a girlfriend. These type of questions are very difficult to assist with online and really take someone who sees you in action to give their opinion on what is happening.

    • Your reply is very accurate I would say, but I know many guys that find an opinionated, intelligent, outspoken girl sexy. I am one of them as well, we spend a lot of time looking for girls like that, I saw video on youtube where Garth Brooks commented that he noticed a lot of young girls (early teens) dumb themselves down around guys; I'm assuming he ment guys they like, is this true for older girls/young women?

    • I have never dumbed myself down. I just did not realize how I came across but I have also not lacked for male attention and always end up with a guy who likes me how I am, though sometimes I do need to keep in mind that I can be a little harsh and could hurt my partner's feelings and that is something I should consider. I do think when either men or women get older they are more themselves and less into changing. Sometimes this isn't necessarily a good thing lol.

  • Tomboy clothes can make a girl blend in to the scenery, especially if they don't fit well. Not saying you have to go frilly and lacy, but perhaps try some different stuff and see what happens.

  • well:

    1. you could have a boring face, which can be helped by red or pink lips. if your face is kind of washed out in color, then try to brighten it up a little but not too much.

    2. you're overweight or too sporty and that reflects in your body type

    3.you're shy, which could make a person wonder if you wanna be around em

    • Anyone with a face like Jessica Alba (as she has allegedly been described) is SO not boring lol. And shy girls are cute :)