I overheard my mom and and grandma talking about how disappointed they are in me. My grandma said "It's a shame your only daughter, who you wanted so bad, turned out like this". Then my mom told her a bunch of stories about times I've messed up (and of course being over dramatic about it and even lying about parts) Finally I stormed in and told her to stop lying about everything. This is all after a big fight I had with my mom, where she called me a ton of hurtful names and I said she did a crappy job as a parent. She wants me to pay rent but I don't have a job. She is mad I am not paying for food, so I have stopped eating all together, I am starving myself, hoping that I will get so skinny that she will finally wake up, and see how much pain she is causing me, she criticizes me nonstop, I am always wrong, or stupid or not good enough. Now she is being extra nice to my brothers, taking them out, buying them dinner. I am 19 and I could really use her support, she says once I move out she's going to make my room her bird room and so I can't move back in. I'm so afraid of not having money to make rent and being homeless. You guys will tell me to sit down and share my feelings with her, but you don't understand... she doesn't care, honestly, she is suicidal and throws that around all the time, she basically disowned me once I turned 18 and has been trying to get rid of me ever since.
anytime I try to be sincere with her she blows me off. I have done what she's wanted before but it's never good enough. (I got the good grades she wanted but then she wanted me to have a job too, I got the job and then she needed help taking care of the house and my grandma so I quit to help out, I smoked weed and quit for her, I pay all my own bills and buy all my own stuff(besides food, and house bills)
I'm sorry if I just sound like a crazy person.. this site is basically all I have, I feel so alone, but somehow slowing killing myself by not eating helps..