Broke up: Just where I knew it was going ...

Some of you may have read my other posts about the guy I was dating. I really liked him, more than I liked anyone in a long time, but no matter how much caring and affection I showed him, I got very little in return. I know he had an ego, too. It was all "me" and "I" - and yet, I still cared. There were other things about him I liked, but I never got any validation from him. No compliments, no questions about my life or family, just a lot of "give me time" and "I'm worth it" and "just wait." How long? 6 months? A year? What? He told me he had been hurt a lot by other women, his analogy was the dog who got hit so often that it stopped looking for affection. He says he has a wall, but that I brought it down a lot, but when I would do ANYTHING that made him uncomfortable, like trying to talk about his feelings, he said the wall would go back up. I just don't have it in me to keep chipping away at that wall, wondering if anything and everything will make it go back up. He claims he used to be like me: giving, tender-hearted, loving. But it only hurt hearing him tell me that with this ex girlfriends he would call and text and email and he would get the proverbial slap from them for doing it. He told me he would tell this or that girlfriend that he wanted her voice to be the last thing he heard before he went to bed at night. I got none of that, saw nothing of this affection he claims he has. Yes, he would hold my hand or give me a hug, but he was so distant. I saw this in him and yet I continued on, knowing I would get hurt. My own fault. I feel so used and stupid. He probably still had feelings and whatever else for one or two of those exes (especially the one he was engaged to a few years ago who cheated on him). I think I was just another girl in a sea of stepping stones just there to get him through another day. He said he cared - a lot, he claimed. Said he was "falling for me". He even gave a PERCENTAGE to how much of his heart I had: (80%). But it was all lies. When I asked him just to give me something, anything - and it didn't have to be declarations of love - he couldn't do it. When we got home from our Valentine's day dinner, he showed me two "thinking of you" cards he'd picked up the week earlier, he said he (at some point, I guess) intended to give them to me, but it made no difference, What are gestures that were never given supposed to mean? How do I know he didn't have those cards in his brief case for ages, meaning to give it to some other girl? I didn't break up with him, but in the morning, he was gone. No note. Nothing. All I got was an email yesterday asking me to "leave his work coat on the back porch." I felt stabbed again. I had thought to hand it to him when he gets here tomorrow, but I think I should just leave it hanging on the back door. He made up his mind when he left here w/o a word. I KNOW he didn't leave the coat purposely. It was in the closet and he just forgot. I can tell the last thing he wants is come here.
Broke up: Just where I knew it was going ...
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