Why isn't he asking me out?

I have been working at this company for about 5 months. I have an attractive co-worker (we're both in our mid-twenties), who have been flirting with me ever since I started working, and started hinting that we go out about 3 weeks after my start date. We both work full-time and in close proximity for about 8 hours a day, so we see each other a lot!

In the beginning I wasn't that interested, but as time went on, I started to like him. He kept hinting that we go out all throughout, but when I finally showed interest about a month later, he didn't ask me out, for a couple of months! He keeps talking about the place he'd like to take me to, but didn't ask me out directly or tried to set a time for us to go.

He asked me out last week, but called very last minute. I told him it was late to plan for anything then, and said that we will plan for something the following week. When I asked him a few days later which day he would like to go, he asked when I was free and I mentioned the weekend, he quickly said he will have to let me know later and said something about not being able to plan early because he sometimes has to care for his sick parent. I do know though that he goes out with his friends quite often, and mentioned going to a party the previous weekend.

Anyway, we saw each other after that, and he continued to flirt with me and kept texting me as usually does almost every day, but the day that I said I was free to go out came, and I didn't hear anything from him. I am beyond angry at this point, mainly because I now believe that he thinks that I'm so into him that I'm willing to put up with this nonsense and will wait for him no matter what. I thought I was more important to him, that he would be willing to spend some time with me on the weekend (that's the impression I got from the way he talks to me and treats me), but his actions say otherwise. I'm so confused because he seems like a good person, and he implied many times that even though he's good looking, he's still working his way up to me. I've never had a man do that to me before, keeps running after me, but then doesn't go out with me! I'm very confused because it seems like he genuinely cares for me, but I don't understand what's stopping him from going out with me.

Note: I'm the type of woman who's only after a serious relationship, so I don't just date for sport. He knows that about me, even if I haven't actually said that to him directly. He also joked about marrying me numerous times.

To TheDigitalSaint: I did ask him out, well after he asked me, but I did show interest in going out with him! Read the full details please.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why don't YOU ask HIM out? Seriously, make a move on him by picking out a restaurant, bowling alley or the like and invite him on a day you're both off.

    • I read that part. I'm saying ask him out again with specific plans in mind, instead of "we should hang out again" which sounds non-committal. Taking the time to plan a date shows interest on your part and that you're taking him seriously, even if you're both busy and have other things going in your lives. Even with the sick parent, tell him that you've made xyz plans on xyz day and if that doesn't fit with his schedule, which day would work better? Be open to mixing it up, but make the move over

    • Show All
    • Thanks! I I did go out there to meet other men, which is not that difficult as men do approach me quite often. I know it needs more time than a week for a real difference to be had. What bothers me now is that I found out recently that other co-workers know about me and him. Not sure how it is perceived by them, whether they think there is something between us, or that we just like each other, but I didn't know that it was that obvious that I like him, or what he's actually telling them.

    • I'm sure he's not saying anything that's not actually happening, but I don't like the idea of being the subject of workplace gossip. I know I ran that risk as soon as I started reciprocating his advances, but I couldn't help it at the time. That made me somewhat embarrassed and angry at the same time. I played it cool in front of everyone and stayed professional at work, but with him I might have been passive aggressive, and tried to avoid him as much as possible. My emotion took over my logic.

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What Guys Said 2

  • "I now believe that he thinks that I'm so into him that I'm willing to put up with this nonsense and will wait for him no matter what."

    When you were initially not interested in him, he may have felt that you were doing to him what you just described. Not all guys respond well to being played with. Maybe he is still upset about it and is now trying to get back at you. And even though you like him now and want go go out with him now, it is not enough to overcome his desire for revenge. You f*cked with the wrong person. Next time if you like a guy, don't play games of any kind.

    • I didn't play any games! In the beginning I wasn't interested, and I was trying to resist the idea of going out with a co-worker, until I couldn't anymore. Not to mention that he also HINTED at going out in the beginning, and continue to do so; when it comes to going out for real, he backs out as I have mentioned.

  • oh so you like him based on looks ?

    omg I'm going to die alone :'(

    • No, I don't just like him based on looks; as I said I wasn't interested in him in the beginning, but as I got to know him better, I started to like him. He's also got a great personality, of course him being attractive adds to it, but it's not the main reason.

What Girls Said 1

  • I wouldn't date someone in my workplace. that just turns ugly very quickly.