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The hardest break-up.....Divorce

I was married for 3 years to a girl who I thought was the one. I put 110% into making the marriage work. I put my college on hold and worked my tail off to provide us a nice life and to put her through college. I thought everything was fine. We never fought. Any time we had issues with the other person, we would sit down and talk them thru. We had a date night every week to make sure we made time for us since my job is demanding and her school was also demanding.

A month from her graduating, she ends up leaving me via the "Dear John" letter method while I was out of town with my dad to attend a Nascar race. I came home and all her stuff was gone and there was the letter on the bed with her wedding ring on top of it.

I spent the next 2 months trying to salvage the marriage. I begged and pleaded that I would do whatever it took to make it work because it meant more to me than anything else in the world. She said it was not salvageable.

After those two months, I learned that she was concealing two things from me during this time. 1.) She was pregnant. 2.) She was having an affair with a guy from work. It was discovered that I was not the father of the baby because the time of conception would have had to taken place a month after our last sexual interaction which was protected (we had decided to try and get through school before we started a family so no other kids in the picture).

The divorce was ugly. I ended up with all our mutual debt as she intentionally threw herself into poverty with a child on the way to avoid financial consequences. No judge was going to throw her and the baby on the street even if justice was not served.

So my question, most guys I think would have been able to move on from this by now. She left in Oct. '07 and the divorce was final in Oct. '08. It's April '09 and I still feel like someone has gutted me from the inside out. I feel like defective goods returned to the store. I don't feel desirable even though I've lost massive amounts of weight (went from 210 to 150). I sit at home at night alone because whenever I go out with my friends, I feel like the third wheel as they are all coupled up. I've lost confidence in my abilities to attract another woman.

What's wrong with me? I've been dumped and cheated on before and was always able to bounce back. Why is this so different? I'm only 25, shouldn't I be over this by now? What am I doing wrong? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
The hardest break-up.....Divorce
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