I think my wife is overwhelmed with our baby and I'm not sure what to do or even whom to ask?

I work, I make good money but I also work long hours so I'm never really there. It wasn't planned and she still has to finish one year of college.

Our plan was that she stays home with him for the summer and then goes back part time for 2 more years.

I know it's been only 2 weeks but she seems really overwhelmed with the whole thing. When I get home she looks like a mess, sometimes like she has been crying. Def very exhausted though. I'm honestly not sure if it's normal or not, but I don't think so. When I ask she says that I'm not there and I wouldn't understand.

I don't want to overreact, but I don't know who to ask for help. She doesn't have parents and doesn't get along well with my mom.

When I get home, he's completley quiet by the way and on the weekends it's too bad either. She says he cries during the night, but I usually just sleep through it


Most Helpful Guy

  • Pregnancies usually are unplanned.

    If you don't mind my asking, why doesn't she get along with your mom?

    Having a baby is no small undertaking. Humans have the longest childhood of any species on the planet and are born without any ability to care for themselves. Your wife is quite naturally overwhelmed by your current situation. Since that is the case, you need to work less hours if you can. I can deduce from this that she probably does most, if not all of the housework, so offer to help with that. Ask her for a list of things she needs help with and do them.

    Right now, she feels (and understandably so) that the whole world has been dropped on her, that it's her against everyone else. You need to do everything you can to make her life as easy as possible. If you can't work less hours, suck it up and wake up earlier AND go to bed later so that you can do the dishes, fold the laundry, etc. to help her out. You need to start making sacrifices here.

    If you guys are church-goers, ask members of your church for assistance. Maybe even talk to a coworker. And I know I sort of touched on this already, but try to figure out what the beef is between her and your mom. Mom will be the most helpful person in the world here.

    Take him off her hands for a little while, too. One morning when you don't have work, sit with him out on the back porch. Talk to him, sing to him, rock him, etc.

    Bottom line: This is where "me, myself, and I" really needs to decrease, if not disappear altogether.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Aw you sound like a really good guy and your wife is lucky to have you! But yes, she does sound overwhelmed and might end up resenting you if you don't give her all the extra support she needs right now (which it sounds like you're trying to do).

    It's going to be hard and costly, but the best thing to do is try to take off as much time from work as you can to help her calibrate. For example, for a month, you could give her Fridays off to get out of the house and do her own thing while you stay home with the baby.

    Alternatively, you could start planning a vacation. Get her excited about it and to start thinking about what she'd like to do to relax. She could even just take a vacation by herself if it's too costly...stay a few days at a spa hotel or something. Again, you'll have to price it out to see what's realistic for you. Would your mom be willing to take care of the baby for a little while during a vacation? Tell your wife that you're going to try to do everything you possibly can to make her happy and take the stress off her, so all she needs to do is tell you what she needs!


What Guys Said 1

  • Taking care of the baby himself shouldn't be overwhelming. However there is a lot more to it than just the amount of time involved. First of all she's on duty 24/7. That can feel like a trap when she can't even go outside to get fresh air for more than a few minutes without worrying about whether the baby is ok.

    OK, so the following is a lot of speculating about what might be going on.

    She has lost what was her life, and is now a 24/7 baby sitter with no choice in the matter. Her life as she knew it is gone. She was a year from graduating and I assume a career. Regardless of whatever plans you guys made about her finishing school part time, she may be doubting how realistic that is. (with good reason)

    She may be doubting her place in life and what she wants from life. She once had choices in life, now those choices have been severely limited.

    You need to get her to communicate. Even if you don't understand, she should talk about it anyway.

    You also need to lend a hand. And for sure you need to give her time away from child care to go do things on her own. She desperately needs "me time" that's all her own.

    As long as you have the ability to pay the bills, I doubt if making good money is her highest priority right now. She and the baby would be far better off with you around more.

    With my son I was working 45+ hours a week, plus classes four nights a week, basically from 7:30am until after 10:00 at night. I still got up 3-4 times a night with the baby. If you don't wake up to change the baby, she needs to jab you with an elbow to wake you up. If you end up being in a sleepless daze all the time, you sure as heck won't be the first.

    I'm guessing this is a psychological blow far more than it's about the actual physical work. Right now she can't even take a pee in peace and she's probably looking at the next 20 years and wondering what the hell happened to all her plans.

    Her saying you wouldn't understand makes me wonder if you really truly listen to her and really try to understand her.

    Again, this is a lot of speculation.

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