What am I doing wrong? Is there something wrong with me?

Where to begin...in no specific order. So I'm 25, I've only had 4 girlfriends, 2 of which cheated on me. Got my first kiss when I was 16 from someone off the internet, had sex for the first time 3-4 days before I turned 19..and it was terrible. I've been rejected, lied to and treated like s**t more times than I can count or want to admit. I've tried online dating for over 4 months, ended up getting a few numbers, talked for a while and then they ended up flipping out on me and saying I'm desperate all because I got tired of just talking on AIM and text for 2 weeks before asking to meet. However, I haven't had one date yet. The sad part is, most of these girls are 24-27. I've tried meeting girls in public, usually to only have them flirt and not be interested, or have a boyfriend. Other girls that I've actually spent time with, like 1-3 months, end up giving me a reason why they're not interested in being with me. Whether it's, I'm not ready, I'm sorta seeing someone, I just got out of a relationship, you're sweet but, not my type. Sometimes then even end up saying this stuff and get with one of my friends right after. I can be sweet, playful, funny, etc a thousand times over but yet as soon as I say or do one thing they don't like or care for, boom, I'm crazy and they tell me to get lost. Why? No matter what I do it's like it's never enough. Whether I try or just sit back and see if anything happens with someone coming to me. I've gone every which way...a**hole, d**k, sweet, funny, jerk, laid back, uptight, sarcastic, caring, kind, upfront, hard to get, etc. Everything. Nothing ever works. It's really depressing. Is there something wrong with me? I use to cut myself and take thousands of MGs of pills and just inflict pain to myself in general. It wasn't for attention..I guess it was my way of punishing myself for always failing. For a while I thought it was because of my looks. (I do have one pic on my profile..which I don't care for much anyway..and my hair is longer now too if anyone maybe wants to look?) but now I'm not sure. I think my personality is pretty decent and I know I'm an intelligent and witty guy, but no matter what happens, I feel like the negative end result with anyone and everyone is always my fault and I blame myself. No matter what it is or what happened. I've been rejected and turned down for any and every reason you can think of. It's so discouraging anymore for me to even try. I've thought about just giving up all together. I have a ridiculously hard time trusting because of what's been done to me in the past. I admit, I can't read women/girls to save my life, but still...do I deserve all of this? I don't even have any local female friends that I hang out with. None. What am I doing wrong? Is there something wrong with me? I blame myself for everything and I'm beginning to hate everything about myself. I am partially emotionally damaged for the rest of my life, that much is for sure.


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What Girls Said 1

  • When I read you were worried about having only 4 girlfriends so far, I was like well I've had less than that in terms of boyfriends, granted I am younger than you.

    Don't be hard on yourself and claim that there is something wrong with you. I know because I'm the type to be hard on myself a lot too but you have to give yourself soem credit too because you were aboe to have a few relationships in your life and you should be grateful for what you have. I've been single for about 2 years now because I chose to, mostly guys approach me but I turn down the offer.

    There are a number of reasons why girls will decline an offer, those reasons are various and you can't simply automatically claim they are caused by you. Some reasons for declining your offer may be because of you, but the majority of cases are due to a girl's time in her life, and it may not be the suitable environment to do so.

    Also keep in mind that if these girls are in school, their commitment is else where. I know myself who is in university, I don't have time for a boyfriend and every guythat has asked me out so far, I've put this off (I realize that other girls may date while in university) but I'm just saying this as an example that the reason why you don't have a girlfriend isn't necessarily all your fault.

    Furthermore if you keep blaming yourself for everything and hating yourself, that is a very destructive cycle. As someone (myself) having gone through that because I admit at times I am a competitive individual in what I do in every aspect of my life, and such, I believe you should try to not hurt yourself this way by thinking 'it's all my fault' or rather think of it in a logical sense.

    Other than that, you know yourself best and you can work on your own personal traits such as the way you converse with girls, approach, physical attractiveness, dating different girls to see what you like and see what you would like in a girl. This much I'm certain is the basics of how you would get a girlfriend. And just don't give up. I think it's easier for a girl to get a boyfriend rather than the other way around sometimes, from what I've observed anyway. And chances are girls around our age, including myself, are busy working or are not fully independent yet to have a relationship with someone else. So do your best, but don't be so hard on yourself. ^_^


What Guys Said 1

  • Checked your pic, you're not ugly. Congratulations. This would be harder if you looked like a toad.

    First, stop. Just stop. Whatever you're doing, stop. It's not working anyway, and you need some time to get your mind and body right, and to interrrupt the habits of failure. Give it about a month.

    (Obviously, you can skip anything you're already doing)

    Durning this month, you're going to learn to read women, whatever that takes. Read everything you can, then go anywhere women are flirting until you can tell from across a room whether a woman is attracted to a guy or not. This is your biggest problem right now, and you will fail horribly until you fix it.

    You're going to get on some disciplined workout program, I don't care which. Fit men have the advantage over greasy blobs.

    You are going to review your wardrobe. Get a good style guide and follow it slavishly until you know what you're doing. Unlike any other money you spend on this, wardrobe is MANDATORY. Style is the one test you can fail from twenty yards away.

    You're going to hang out with your bros, hit on girls, and ask for a cold-eyed assessment of your game. You might not believe what they say, but file it away anyway, for mistakes you could possibly be making.

    If you have a friend who gets laid a lot, you're golden. Have him review you. Bribe him if necessary.

    Your emotional life is important, but not in this. Good habits and smooth control of the interaction are what matters, no matter how you feel. She reacts to what she sees, not how you feel. Fake it until you make it.

    MAKE FEMALE FRIENDS. They are your best sources of advice, and you get to hit on their friends.

    Flirt with all women, everywhere, until it's automatic. If you don't know how to flirt, approximate cheerful good humor.

    Learn how to blow hot and cold. She needs to know you're interested, but not so interested that she doesn't have to work for your attention. It's a hard thing to learn, but get it right, and 90% of your problem is solved. This is ALWAYS the tone to adopt. If you're a fit, stylish flirt, nearly all of your problems will come from screwing this up.

    When you're doing everything perfectly, it will still be mostly rejection. Grow a hide.

    Boyfriends don't exist. If she wants to date you, he won't matter; if she doesn't want to date you, nothing matters.

    A quick word on dating. The first date is short, the second long, the third, romantic. The first is to see if she's worth a second. The second is to see if she's worth a third. The third (maybe the fourth) is to close the deal, and sort out what kind of relationship you're getting into.

    If it's not closing by the fourth date, it probably never will; shake hands and part. Do not spend a dozen fourth dates figuring this out; it's wasteful.

    Chin up. Good luck.