Girls: How do you justify expectations to yourself?

Now, this is a sensitive topic, so it does need clarification so the actual topic at hand gets addresses, and nobody feels tempted to answer in a way that will attempt to derail us from the topic.

I'm not talking about expecting a guy to look good, dress well, be healthy, take care of himself, be in good shape, physically fit, well-groomed, have goals, be independent, be secure and stable, be successful, in good financial shape, educated, sexual performance, emotionally considerate and understanding, etc.

That's all stuff we expect of each-other. If two people are to be partners in a relationship, they have to want to be with each other, and we all have an idea in our heads of what we want our partners to be like. But those are not the expectations I'm talking about.

I'm talking about, when two strangers first meet, the amount of effort and investment that they're expected to make.

You often hear women say things like:

"if his game is one of minimum effort for maximum gain" or,

"he didn't call me, I guess he doesn't really care" or,

"can you believe he let me pay for dinner?" or,

"we dated for two weeks, then he just stopped seeing me"

Women seem to have developed the idea that men should make a greater level of effort and investment towards a new relationship with a woman, than a woman should make towards a new relationship with a man.

The implications of this are borderline insulting. They suggest that women have more value to offer men, than men have to offer women. Or phrased differently, men are less valuable than women, and so, there exists the need to overcompensate. If it were true, it wouldn't be insulting. But it's because it's not the case, that it comes off the wrong way.

I'm not asking for anyone to try and defend this. This is not a rant about guys having to approach or getting stuck with the check on the first, 2nd, 10th, 20th, 50th date. So please resist the temptation to resort to "men are the aggressors, it's nature, men like the chase (no they don't; girls do)" rhetoric.

I guess we're just open-endedly pondering the question as to "why", as women, we feel "justified" in expecting men to make a disproportionate amount of effort and investment in forming a new relationship?


Things to consider of-course, but not to the point where it de-rails or side-tracks us from the main topic, is that guys have feelings too.

When a guy is putting in more effort and investing more of himself than the girl is, he naturally starts to wonder if the girl is even interested in him; or if he's just being used.

So when they've been dating for 2 weeks and he goes cold-turkey, maybe he felt like he was the ONLY ONE who was interested. When the phone isn't ringing, maybe HE'S WAITING for you to call him too?

But let's explore "why" girls feel justified in expecting a guy to show more interest, make more effort, and invest more of himself in pursuit of a new relationship.
Girls: How do you justify expectations to yourself?
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