Why are people so untrusting?

No matter how many questions are on this site, there's always questions about "my boyfriend/girlfriend hangs out/talks to/ facebook friended/texts this other girl/guy." In my opinion if you're with someone, you should be able to trust them. If you can't trust your boyfriend or girlfriend to interact and socialize with people of the opposite gender (without your supervision) why are you dating him/her?

This isn't a stab at anyone who is insecure, I realize people have been hurt and cheated on. But really, in the time before getting into a new relationship should people not have found a way to move past insecurities or at least found a way to trust your new partner? Eventually trust issues you have with someone are going to cause friction in any relationship.

I guess my main questions are- If you don't trust someone, why do you continue dating them? If they've shown reason to be not trusted, that's not going to change so why put yourself through that? If they've been nothing but loyal and just happen to be friends with members of the opposite gender, why do you stress yourself when they've never done anything wrong?


Most Helpful Girl

  • because sometimes you just can't help how much you love them. and can't stand not being with them. you'l put yourself through pain just to be with them. its horrible I know but I'm doing it now.

    i hate myself for it and I wish I was strong enough to walk away. but the thought of not being with him and watching him move on with someone else breaks my hurt. and that's just the thought of it.. so imagine how I would be when it finally becomes reality.

    even though it happened a year ago (him cheating) I find it so hard to even let him talk to another girl. do you know what its like to have every single bad thought/imagine run through your midn about what they could be doing with one another, or what he wants to do with her. I wish these thoughts could just eb erased from my mind it would make my life so much easier. its taking over my life and I can't stop it. and its making me lose him.

    i've even thought about taking drugs to keep my mind from thinking things. or going on anti-depressents because I've heard they can relax you.

    its not a nice feeling knowing a guys messed you up so much that you will go against all your beliefs to try and feel better, and STILL want to be with them. I just hope that one day I'll be strong enough to leave him.

    everyone can think what they want but you can never understand until you've been in my shoes and have the same mind as me. everyones different and deals with things in different ways.

    sorry its long.

    • But if he truly loved you, he wouldn't hurt you- no matter what you're willing to wring yourself through. I just don't understand how you cn stay with someone who has the balls to hurt you. It's not right. I really admire that your recognize the problem, that is a start... But is it really worth hurting over and over again to know you'll never be 100% happy, or just get on with life and hurt for a little bit before moving on? Even if it takes a long time.

    • When your happy the rest of the time it makes it all worthit. I know its wrong and trust me I know I deserve better. but who says I will get better? I'm not saying I won't get better becaus eim ugly and fat or something, I have confidence and I'm quite an attractive girl. I believe in myself. but I don't believe that I will find a man willing to treat me good.

      so why not stay with someone who makes you happy 70% of the time?

      oh and believe me, I've tried to walk away from him plenty of times.

    • I have completely lost ALL trust for anyone. so how can I even begin to wonder what it would be like to meet someone new/better. I still won't be able to trust them. and they'll just run away when they see how insecure I am. they have no reason to stick around. my boyfriend is the only one who sticks around. even though he's hurt me, its like all I have is him.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You just see all those questions here because this site was kinda made for it... And people who feel insecure about their relationships just come here looking for help or some other points of view to tranquilize themselves or to confirm something they were already thinking... It's not about trust, it's about insecure people. And since everyone get some insecurities sometimes, I think that pretty much explains why there are LOTS of questions like those you mentioned.

  • Monogamy is not natural, its a social construct, its an ideal imposed by society for the good of society. People lack trust because, they cheat, and expect others to do the same. You can't control someones behavior but have to rely upon them for your needs and wants, it might be fear of losing the comfort and security of a realtionship


What Girls Said 1

  • Trust is a hard thing to gain and to keep. Once it's been ruined by one or more persons it makes it hard to trust again; anyone for anything. I've been through a lot and I'm trying so hard to let more people into my life but it's so much easier said than done. When you get into any new relationship whether it's just a new friend or special someone do you trust them automatically or do they not have to earn it? To me, it has to be earned and I make sure they are aware of my trust issues but I also don't make it a huge deal all the time unless I feel the need to bring something up that they have done.

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