Being ghosted by my first love and boyfriend was the hardest thing I ever had to overcome. It’s like he dropped off the face of the earth. It basically felt like he had died but that I was the only one grieving. I know he was alive, but his absence and the fact that I couldn’t talk to him anymore was so shocking. I went through some grieving until I felt it was time to “toughen up” to which I just started ignoring that he had ever existed. I would have dreams about him at night, but also sometimes i would daydream about our memories together and just pretend that I was sharing those same experiences with a random person just so I didn’t feel weak for holding on to them. I saw his brother in public one day and I completely ignored him because I knew that it was not my place anymore to talk to anyone related to my ex. I even saw my ex driving around sometimes. Every time I saw him I would just turn my head and pretend he wasn’t there. Even when I saw a huge hole in his car I swept my worry aside and just reminded myself to mind my business. I feel like I was able to heal by letting go of what I thought we had but it took a very long time. For over a year I would blame myself and wonder why is it that somebody who I had loved would choose to stop talking to me. But I had to stop wondering about why he chose to ghost and treat him like the ghost he was. The entire experience made me tougher but it also made me hardened. I wonder if I would have still been the same person or at least a similar version of the old me if he had the decency to just break up with me. I healed from it but it caused me to change. It caused my views about people and relationships to change. I think the old me was very sweet, open and deserving of love. The new me sabotages love. How do I continue healing in a healthy way?