Trust issues with girlfriend? Need advice?

My girlfriend and I were best friends about 5-6 months before we started dating and have been officially together for 1 year and a month. We are both 17 - don't think age should be much of an issue, I'd prefer not to get a "more fish in the sea" kind of response. We love each other and are in a long distance relationship. We see each other every month or so for 4-7 days at a time. When we are together, we are together almost all day and all night - we sleep in the same room, stay up late, etc. I love spending time with her and she makes me so happy. I know that she feels the same. The problem is, she has always been kind of a flirt. Last summer, she worked at a pre-school and she became really friendly with a guy there. The staff made jokes about them dating. Because they flirted so much, the boss thought they were actually together. This concerned me very much, as she didn't tell me about it for a while. It hurt a lot and made me feel pretty poorly about myself. She apologized for it and promised it wouldn't happen again. A couple months ago, she started to talk on the phone with another guy for help with physics homework. I got a little worried as I recalled what happened with the guy from work. Then they started to meet at school... At first, I had no idea that she was calling this guy from school. I knew that they were getting closer so I asked her if they were starting to talk on the phone, etc. She lied to me and said no. Eventually she came out and told me that she lied and had talked to him many times on the phone - but that it was only for homework. A couple weeks later and my girlfriend gets another job at the same place this guy from school works. They get closer and I find out that they are very flirty and workout with each other. Then, I hear that her classmates in physics class start calling them a 'couple'. The teacher puts them into a group together and says "let's see how well a couple can do on this assignment". I wonder why the single girls weren't the ones to be part of this "couple" and that my girlfriend in a one year committed relationship was. This isn't something I notice in any of my classes it can't be of the norm, can it? She again apologized for this and said that it was harmless. Am I over analyzing this? It makes me feel awful knowing that she flirts with other guys so much that they get called a 'couple'.

Is there anything that anyone can suggest I do? I think about this a lot and preoccupies my mind for a good chunk of the day. I am constantly worried that she might be hiding something from me. I can't imagine myself without her, she is almost as if she is family to me. I love her so much...

I have talked to her about this situation and that it really makes me feel horrible about myself and that I feel like she isn't committed to being in a relationship with me. She said that she does like the attention from him and that it's nice to have because I am not physically with her everyday/every other day.

Cont'd: ...every other day(s). I told her that she needs to stop flirting so much - she told me she will. It's hard for me to trust that with past experiences with other guys she has met. I try to give her attention so she know I lover her so much. Thanks


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  • It sounds like you are probably giving her too much attention, coming on too strong the week or so each month you are together. You might be well-intentioned but it sounds like you're drowning her. You're 17, so at that age your girlfriend is still going to naturally be seeking attention from guys, it's part of the game. Boosts her confidence. That doesn't mean she won't be loyal, but you have to judge that carefully. You really care about her, so give her a bit of space, don't be too mushy or smother her, trust her and see what happens.