Sooo you are saying when a girl makes it clear that she wants to be just friends and when after the hurt and disappointment your flame fades and you just become friends and you move on you are a red flag😂
@jspl90 No, what I am saying unless that person says they will never date you, you assume they wouldn't. Relationships are not about you. It is about the other person. Selfish people are never happy. So remember that. When I make it clear that I want to be just friends, I mean being just friends. BUT, if I was interested in dating as I was open to decades ago, I told guys friends FIRST, dating MAYBE. Because if we don't know how to communicate with each other, see compatibility, etc before dating, we may screw each other up beyond repair and I wouldn't want that done to anybody. There is nothing wrong with move on but respect the other person. If you just walk because you never got into that person panties, then yes, you are a red flag. Don't know how many bullets I dodged because I learned to trust my gut.
She is not a flame. It's a choice. If you made her your flame, be responsible for that. If she was playing games [as some sadly do], then she can't complain. She needs to take responsibility. If a person was really serious, they would respect it. They would be open in the future. But unless somebody says they are not interested in you and wouldn't give you the time of day, you don't know what may be in the future if you allow it. Otherwise, it says that you screwed up when and if the girl says 'Hey, I always liked you too, but I wasn't ready for that!' Then what? Communication is KEY. If you can't learn this now, how will you be when dating, God forbid married? You're being tested on everything from the beginning until you two decide for it to end. That's it. You want to make sure you are dating the right kind of partner. That is 1 partner you will have, hopefully, for the rest of your life. If you're just dating for fun and the hell of it and it doesn't work, your creating baggage and possibly burn unnecessary bridges. it will affect how you will treat the opposite sex in the future. Not everybody is compatible to be a spouse to me. I refuse to run through men like paper. All I ask is for the same respect in return. And to make SURE I am THE ONE YOU CHOOSE. Because if your unsure, better abort now. Because once I move on. I move on. And the past is where you will stay. And the past they stayed. Got it? Treat others how you also want to be treated.
Well in my opinion like becomes love only after you truly know someone and have lived with them basically knowing their small flaws and you still like them i believe at that point it is love anything before that is simply like/crush but sure like like you said be honest and say i would like to get to know you as friends first i can respect that its possible as i get to know you better my like for you is transformed into love and beyond or simply a very strong friendship just because I find you funny and interesting (plus sexual attraction) and would like to get to know you better does not mean its a sealed deal i dont believe in love at first sight
@jspl90 Buddy, at that point your fooling around, and playing games. Who in their right mind has time for that? Children do. Adults don't. It's not about what you think it is, it is about what relationships already are. It is a choice to like or love a person. Otherwise, you're using that as an excuse to not uphold responsibility. And the only people who would tolerate that, are those who think just like you. The rest will marry and move on with their lives. No. Love, at first sight, is when two souls are fully aware of each other and get together on the basis that their souls matched equally. What you're talking about and describing is lust. And here is how many of you people end up in many failed relationships if not marriage.
Well then that escalated quickly love is a choice you say like is a choice you say?
"Well in my opinion like becomes love only after you truly know someone and have lived with them basically knowing their small flaws and you still like them" No, NO, NO, NO, NO! That is NOT what you do if you expect to succeed. Now that is playing games. If you want to like somebody it is again a choice. To love somebody is also a choice. You don't love somebody based on what you know or don't know. You either want to love them, learn or you never will or don't. You discover these flaws while as a FRIEND. Never shack up before marriage. That is what you discover when you marry. It is not about you. So you don't make it about you. " i believe at that point it is love anything before that is simply like/crush but sure like like you said be honest and say i would like to get to know you as friends first i can respect that its possible as i get to know you better my like for you is transformed into love and beyond or simply a very strong friendship just because I find you funny and interesting (plus sexual attraction) and would like to get to know you better does not mean its a sealed deal i dont believe in love at first sight" That is your choice. Nobody is forcing you, but don't pretend and play games. You have options like she have options. That's why they are free to reject you. You can't have it both ways. And you don't fool around with the matters of the heart. That's why anything a guy says, I don't take seriously until I see it. Words are but words. It doesn't sway the heart. At least for naive people, it will. If I say I love a person, I mean it. I don't have to play those games. If your serious about a person, just do it. Don't fool around with life and waste the time of others who could have better partners.
They will not wait for you to make up your mind after you say you like a person. Because now your like for them is not serious enough. A woman doesn't need less than what she deserves. You want a real relationship? You make it happen. Otherwise, you won't get anywhere and the woman will get fed up. That's how my friends are married with families of their own because they didn't play your route. They did it. Because when you are certain about a person, nothing else matters. Everything falls into place. But you have to do the right things going straight. Not zigzag or backwards. Going forward. As long as you have a person who is willing to go forward with you, now you are the one who must decide if you're the one with cold feet. If one isn't ready for that. Then better off single than ruining other's lives just for sport.
You cannot truly love someone before you know them
Simply deciding i love you is a fallacy
by the way you are too fast for me can't gather my thoughts and write them fast enough
"Well then that escalated quicklylove is a choice you say like is a choice you say?"That's right, it is a choice. The ones who missed out was the ones who wanted to screw around, that why as teens and young adults they noticed me and how much I grew. They asked if i was still by myself and virgin. I told them the truth. If what I say is lying, those same guys would not apologize for their behaviors and words towards me and said that I was right. And they were wrong. If they knew that premarital sex, rushing into dating so young, etc was a bad idea, they wouldn't be suffering and having bad experiences. They wished they never done it. And that I was more deserving of being treated with respect when they didn't. For me to stay a virgin and continue doing the right thing. And I can tell as much as their words were sincere, they felt it was too late to be with me now. Sadly it was. They chose sex. I didn't. They have baggage, I have no relationship baggage. Just the baggage they gave me. That's why I try teaching the young as well as the old, enough with the games. Life is too short. Communicate with people. Or stay out of it if one cannot deal. And if they still do stupid, just don't whine later. Nobody is going to pity.
"You cannot truly love someone before you know them" Uh, yes you can. I wouldn't have friends for nearly 20 years for most of them if I never knew how to love others. I don't have to know you to love you. All I need to do is be seeing your soul, seeing who you are as a person and I can make a decision. Yes, things take time. But it's like an adventure. You don't know what it may lead to unless you try. But it's a choice. And by default, you said YOU cannot truly love somebody before knowing them. I say you can if you really wanted. "Simply deciding i love you is a fallacy" That again is a choice. But never throw it out there if you don't mean it. I never said I love you to anyone without really meaning it. Love isn't a feeling. It's emotions we share, but feelings have nothing to do with that. You get what you put out. Until you fully understand what love is if your parents never taught you, then you won't know what to do when another person gives it to you. You won't know where to find it because love cannot be found. Love is already there. The real question is do you KNOW what love is? And most importantly, do you even LOVE yourself? If you love yourself, then you can easily love somebody else. You just need to be careful who you share that bond and love to, romantically. Before it can damage your heart [spiritually and psychologically].
Well I think we must agree to disagree what works for you might not work for you there as many ways to love as there is people
For me example i refuse to say I love you before I know I love you and i cannot love you before I know you as a person and living with you is a part of getting to know you regardless if there is sex involved in that living together part just as you cannot say my way is wrong I cannot say your way is wrong tell are you happy? Are you fulfilled? If so then the road you chose is the right one for you
Everything you do, everything you say, every choice you make determines your fate and the people who will or may not enter your life. You set the path and the decisions you want to make. Because take one wrong step and that can throw everything you ever wanted off balance. It doesn't mean you can't return back on the path, but what you could have had in the middle when you went elsewhere, may no longer be available. That's why I let God order my steps and don't move unless he tells me to move. Since then, everything I ever wanted to be started falling into place. And what I said came to past. Blessings come as quickly as it goes. If it is meant for you to have it, you shall have it. But until then you have trails and tribulations we all have to battle through. And that trails are often dating partners we have to screen out of our lives and not engage in. It's a test. And if you fail that test and do wrong, you are potentially screwing yourself up. That's why you be friends first and don't rush the process. Rejection is oftentimes at times a blessing in disguise. That's why I no longer take rejection too seriously. It doesn't always mean it doesn't hurt. I am human and have feelings too. But I learn to see the positives in the negative.
"is wrong tell are you happy? Are you fulfilled? If so then the road you chose is the right one for you" Relationships is not about that. You are responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your own fulfillment. And it is a choice if you choose to go down that road. And it is a choice to chose who you desire. Otherwise, no, you play around with somebody's life who could be with somebody who would choose them, one who is already whole and ready to be one. It's not to agree to disagree. There is walking forwards and there is going backward. That's why you don't move in before marriage. You don't play around with that. Either you're in or out. That's why I warn people. If you not serious and certain stay single. What your talking about is why such people don't need to be dating, let alone married because you will, excuse my french, eff it up for everybody else because you want an experience, instead of just living life. Those are not winners. Those are those who end up losing. If I did what you suggested with school and work. I would have never made it to college or get my first job.
The only way you will know is when others succeed and your still back at square one. That's how you will know. When you don't learn from those lessons.
Please leave god out of it😂 just simply leaving everything to god is lazy and not really living in my opinion
So you are with someone right now? Please do tell why did you choose to love him?
In my case even if my road might be wrong it is the road I chose not god not anyone else just me I would rather regret something I did than something I did not do
@jspl90 Why leave God out of it when he knows what is best? No. I do not. Because I realize that it wasn't the path for me. But had I had that for me, it would have been somebody who knows what he is doing. Whoever that would have been. And if I chose that person, it is because it is what my spirit tells me. Don't feel right to my soul, your not the right person for me. That's not laziness to leave it to God to decide. All you need to do is present it to him. That is living. You're not living screwing up your life with ex amount of sex partner, no real relationship, marriage, smoking, drinking, etc. That ain't living. That is living HELL. And one thing I have never been attracted to are those who never felt good to my spirit. Didn't matter if he was Christian or not.
But here's the problem. You still have nobody, do you? That's the point. So in that regard, who is to blame for your choices? Think about that.
Well for you arguments sake lets say I have nobody I would rather stay alone then just be with someone just to be with someone
The point is, unless you don't care about your life, you wouldn't have those 'regret's if you had listened to sound judgment. I had my regrets when I surely didn't. And now I don't have them as much anymore because I did just that. LISTENED. Instead of being too independent and stubborn with my spiritual walk AND my physical choices. God had to put me in a period, if not a few periods of humbling myself. And that meant going threw things that were hard for me. When I let Go, that's when everything got EASIER. I'm not telling you to worship God if you don't want to. That's your choice. I would be happy for you if you did. But it's not for me to judge or force. All I am saying is that if you want to be where I am at and if again, find a partner if that is God's will for you live, you better get with the program or let life pass you by and you still have zip. That's all.
Okay. At least you have a rational reason to be alone. Just don't use it as an excuse to lick the wounds you helped cause. That' is my fellow warning to you as a celibate woman who never dated. Make sure you have the right reasons and the rest is just history.
And I dont need god to tell me if someone is good if their "spirit" is to my liking because I am my own person your spirit is your own not your gods you choose not god
@jspl90 Oh really? He is the one that made me, it is very much his as it is mine. It is not of my own, I didn't create myself. He did. If you don't want to, again, that's fine. But that's your stubbornness, and you will have to live with it. Just don't dump that on others.
Well you misread me did I say I have regrets? I said I would rather regret something I did not something I did not do
And if I have to choose I am on team science
@jspl90 I didn't say you did. But that whatever ones you may have, all I said is that it often could have been avoided. That's all I am saying.
Did you not know that Science came from God? It's old technology of the heavens so either way, you're just worshipping what he created to be. We just help taint it.
Did god not create us as his own image? so does that not mean eventually we will be able to reach the same level as him
But I must disagree with you there in my opinion science is what man has gleamed from observing nature and how it works
It seems to me that covid ruined a lot of relationships. Maybe though it didn't ruin anything but rather exposed the truth.
@hikerunbeer expose the true how?
Well, if covid ruined everything maybe the connection between you wasn't strong enough so it broke once you didn't get to see her as much etc. In my situation there was certainly a lot more friction with the added stress of the pandemic. Instead of becoming stronger through it we bled out and the relationship failed. Only in part though, I know there were a lot of other issues between us.
@hikerunbeer I mean I said it ruined everything was because we started to get closer and going on dates. So it ruined the chance of me asking her out. I did message her thought that I’m not good at texting and that I wanted to tell/ask her something, but that I preferred to do in person and not through text. She knows what I meant and even though she didn’t reply. It would had been awkward if she did, so I’m glad she didn’t. I just told her that I will tell her as soon as campus is open, so I’m here waiting for campus to open. What I mean it just ruined our chances to start dating sooner and you know the rest lol
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I pulled back, became distant, started working more on myself, and started talking to other girls, and then she started chasing me instead.
That level of maturity will make her realize how ridiculous she sounds.
I see it as guys gotta follow the rules of a relationship just like a girl would want. A girlfriend normally doesn't want their boyfriend to talk to or be associated with any other women besides them so it they start to create that distance where guys aren't free to flirt with you or joke like they use to. This isn't the case with every guy but majority of the time this happens because they're trying to be faithful to their girlfriends, putting their best foot forward.
There are plenty of other reasons and usually a playboy won't get friendzoned bc they know which type of girls would be easy
@waterniggbone yea but they don't always go for easy girls.
Indeed that is true usually when they get tired of the easy girls they go for the more difficult ones
It is like pure evil energy. You bring your new girlfriend to a party and they just glare at you and her the whole time. It is pure evil on their face.
You're right jelly
Sometimes yes I couldn't agree more