Why do girls friendzone guys who are understanding, supportive and well-mannered?

Question

Okay, I'm sorry if this offends you girls. But I'm really at the very bottom of my spirits due to this.

There was a time when I was an arrogant jerk (in my early teens) and I was really popular among girls. But then, I grew up and have become much more decent and focused. I aced the college, completed CPA, and got a well paying job. I became too respectful to everyone, improved my conduct and transformed my habits.

Shockingly, however, those girls I'm interested in just friendzone me, use me for comfort, and end up hooking up with others.

Should I change my attitude once again to what it was earlier? (Its not due to looks, I'm sure. I look much better now.)

Answer 1

btbc92

Master

Well for starters your only doing this to impress us and that makes you come off fake and unattractive to women. We do not reject understanding, supportive and well-mannered men. We reject men who are only with it for benefit and intent. There is no such thing as the friendzone which is #1. #2 you already assume that we are using you, so that weeds you out anyway. And #3, if you see that those girls prefer other guys, then you are already pursuing the wrong kind of WOMEN! YOU deserve better. There is nothing wrong to provide comfort. Everyone needs it. But you don't even know why you're doing it. DO NOT change your attitude. Change the type of women you trying to pursue, notice how they all have the same pattern. You going after the same type of women. Are they not equally understanding, supportive, and well-mannered? Then why are you pursuing girls who don't share your values! Sadly most girls and young women your age are not mature enough to see a good man when they see one or have one.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Tbh I don't behave like that just for show off. Its not at all fake. Rather, my attitude as a jerk was fake, and I got tired of that as I grew up...

And yes, I know I am into girls who don't share the same values. I don't drink or smoke, so pubs are not for me, while my crushes spend their weekend evenings there. I'm too old fashioned, as in I've only slept with girls who I really fell for, and haven't 'experimented' otherwise. And my crushes find this too 'slow'...

But then what should I do? I just can't find girls who are my type, and are single.
btbc92

1 y
The problem is to stop being in sexual sin and think about your choices. All that your saying is that your dating for all the wrong reasons. And I never said you do it to show off, I had said that you do it with intent. And your intent is to date us, instead of just being a friend to us. The women you are befriending may not even care about you from the jump. So how do they make great girlfriends? Your crushing on girls not only do you not know but people you should NOT crush on. While your scaring off potentially good girls away with your sexual and life choices besides who you befriend and want to chase.
btbc92

1 y
You being old fashioned is not the problem because I am old fashioned. It's your intent that is the problem. You never gave them time to really want to desire to get to know you beyond just friendship. you never said anything about wanting to date them. It's not like you grew feelings over time. YOU had the intent to befriending them just to date them from day 1, and we smell it a mile away. Not smart because it comes off as manipulation tactics for again, your own benefit. It doesn't benefit women. And even guys get uncomfortable from knowing female friends their not attracted to share those feelings that they don't want to reciprocate.

Answer 2

Asker

Tbh I don't behave like that just for show off. Its not at all fake. Rather, my attitude as a jerk was fake, and I got tired of that as I grew up...

And yes, I know I am into girls who don't share the same values. I don't drink or smoke, so pubs are not for me, while my crushes spend their weekend evenings there. I'm too old fashioned, as in I've only slept with girls who I really fell for, and haven't 'experimented' otherwise. And my crushes find this too 'slow'...

But then what should I do? I just can't find girls who are my type, and are single.

Answer 3

btbc92

The problem is to stop being in sexual sin and think about your choices. All that your saying is that your dating for all the wrong reasons. And I never said you do it to show off, I had said that you do it with intent. And your intent is to date us, instead of just being a friend to us. The women you are befriending may not even care about you from the jump. So how do they make great girlfriends? Your crushing on girls not only do you not know but people you should NOT crush on. While your scaring off potentially good girls away with your sexual and life choices besides who you befriend and want to chase.

Answer 4

btbc92

You being old fashioned is not the problem because I am old fashioned. It's your intent that is the problem. You never gave them time to really want to desire to get to know you beyond just friendship. you never said anything about wanting to date them. It's not like you grew feelings over time. YOU had the intent to befriending them just to date them from day 1, and we smell it a mile away. Not smart because it comes off as manipulation tactics for again, your own benefit. It doesn't benefit women. And even guys get uncomfortable from knowing female friends their not attracted to share those feelings that they don't want to reciprocate.

Answer 5

Anis09

Xper 5

You mentioned that you grew up and you changed. Like you exist many people (girls and guys) have that attitude because they continue being immature. That isn't related to you is related to how they see their life and you can't change that.
About if you have to change or not. Is a personal decision. What type of relationship do you wanna have? What type of commitment do you think you deserve?

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2 People

Asker

1 y
Obviously, I'd rather have some permanency in relationship. I'm just 22, but I'd rather commit myself to someone who can see future with me. Short flings have never been my thing.
Anis09

1 y
You have your answer, take things with calm. Don't take seriously about the friendzone attitude: people gonna come and goes on your life to teach you lessons.
Asker

1 y
You are right... Thank you!

Answer 6

Asker

Obviously, I'd rather have some permanency in relationship. I'm just 22, but I'd rather commit myself to someone who can see future with me. Short flings have never been my thing.

Answer 7

Anis09

You have your answer, take things with calm. Don't take seriously about the friendzone attitude: people gonna come and goes on your life to teach you lessons.

Answer 8

Asker

You are right... Thank you!

Answer 9

XDeath_GodX

Xper 1

Okay, I can tell you I am a nice person with no intent to date anybody or any sexual intentions, I feel I don't need to be dating even so I am still nice to people, I am only a jerk when somebody is rude to me first because I have a short fuse, I don't have much experience with dating but I guess my approach If I liked a girl would first of don't expect too much I mean if you have high standards doesn't that significantly reduce your chances to find somebody? sorry I don't really have experience so I guess I can't really give you advice. I just hope you find somebody you actually like.

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Answer 10

Hmmm_how_about_that

Xper 2

What do you define nice? Believe me your problem lies in your definition of "nice". Let's proceed with an example: Imagine you're walking down the street and you see someone's bullying another person, now the question is would being "nice" means saying:"Oh sir I would invite you to abstain from violence. " Then no, you don't understand nice, same as this society doesn't, sometimes being nice means being not agreeable, the world your reaching for is "weak".

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Answer 11

yamajazaki

Xper 5

Those that dont love themselfs or have low self-esteem go to jerks and get into toxic relationships. Most of them think they can ChAnGe them, which only leads to heartache.
Some cases the person is acting all loving until they fall for them and then start ignoring them, going hot and cold making the woman think its her fault.

I think its better NOT to be a jerk but your choice

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3 People

Asker

1 y
I SERIOUSLY don't want to behave like a jerk, but then experiences like these make me doubt if I'll even find someone who loves me as I am! It may sound clingy or boring, but I've always imagined myself completely invested in one girl who'd love me in return, and I just can't find such person (even when I do, I find that she's taken)... On the other hand, my friends keep having the time of their lives by not being Romeo's...
yamajazaki

1 y
Dont worry your girl will come one day, maybe the poor girl is stuck in a tree or something. I know so many happy couple that met sooner or later but they did and thats what matters

Answer 12

Asker

I SERIOUSLY don't want to behave like a jerk, but then experiences like these make me doubt if I'll even find someone who loves me as I am! It may sound clingy or boring, but I've always imagined myself completely invested in one girl who'd love me in return, and I just can't find such person (even when I do, I find that she's taken)... On the other hand, my friends keep having the time of their lives by not being Romeo's...

Answer 13

yamajazaki

Dont worry your girl will come one day, maybe the poor girl is stuck in a tree or something. I know so many happy couple that met sooner or later but they did and thats what matters

Answer 14

nerdybutlazy | 91 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Xper 7

The thing is you've grown but has your taste in women?

Something I think most people don't know is that when you change either for better or worse the kind of people you attract change but just cause you have made the change to be better doesn't also mean anything to other people, you could be 'the perfect man' on paper but it doesn't been you're attractive to that person you want.

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Answer 15

Anonymous

Yes change your attitude and go back to your old self. Understanding, supporting and well-mannered are the qualities of a friend. This makes you a nice guy. Girls these days find nice guys boring. They just need a fuckboi who fucks them and throws them away. You shouldn't give a fuck about a girl's feelings. That will get her all hot for you and wanting for more. And man stop respecting girls. Nowadays girls don't want respect. They just want a good fuck. That's it. You should go around this site more. You will understand what i am saying. Girls here are asking why guys are nice and boring and where are all the fuckbois

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2 People

Mithradath

1 y
Easy for Op, nice girls are attracted to jerks, become a jerk > find a nice girl > happiness

Answer 16

Mithradath

Easy for Op, nice girls are attracted to jerks, become a jerk > find a nice girl > happiness

Answer 17

boggboss | 2.2K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Master

Simply being nice won't make women attracted to you

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Answer 18

Liam_Hayden

Guru

People are allowed to not view others as potential romantic partners, irrespective of how great you might think you are.

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Answer 19

Warmapplecrumble | 581 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Guru

Somewhere in the middle?

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Answer 20

ThisIsMyOpinion

Yoda

No chemistry. Or the guy is ugly.

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