If a woman brings up a past negative dating experience to a guy (who likes her). Does that mean she has little or no romantic interest in him?

Question

I learned long ago if a woman volunteers information about a negative past relationship experience or worse talks about other guys she’s interested in that means I’m friendzoned.

Best to cut the conversation off quick and make myself scarce. She’s not attracted to me. Don’t waste any more time on her.

There are exceptions if the conversation was brought up in context (not volunteered). The other exception is we already had sex (but it’s still a very bad sign.)

Women think this is polite way of dropping a hint they aren’t interested to the guy. But it’s disrespectful to assume the guy is okay with being your friendzoned free therapist.

Better to be honest with him early that although you like him as a person you don’t look at him that way. But most women just don’t have the tact and/or class to do this.

Yes very bad sign. Especially if she brings it up without context. Time to leave

No. Sometimes girls say this to a guy they are interested in (they just aren’t thinking about the impression it leaves)

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

Marilynjuana | 209 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Yoda

If she rants about her past relationships then she still has baggage on her shoulders.

React

Asker

1 y
Yeah but would she tell this to a guy she’s attracted to? 9 out 10 times that’s a sign she has zero interest in. Am I right?
Marilynjuana

1 y
I don't really think so, of course it's also very individual. I would rant to a guy I was interested in about my ex because I was still rather broken and on my way to rebounding. Nothing good ever comes out of it either way.
Asker

1 y
In all my experiences it’s bad. I did bang one or two of these girls. But it wasn’t worth the trouble.

Either way it’s insulting to the guy to think he’s willing to be your free counselor. Don’t do that.
Show All Show Less
Marilynjuana

1 y
I was 17, we all go through shit and trouble and learn. I've gotten my lesson.
Asker

1 y
Yeah that’s understandable. I’ve met women much older than you that still try to pull this shit. This is after setting up a date and buying dinner. I want to literally punch them in the face for the disrespect (I wouldn’t do that but just saying).

Nobody teaches young boys to watch out for that crap unfortunately.
Marilynjuana

1 y
I'd say you can thank society for that. Somehow women tend to get a free pass whenever they act like c*nts, somehow it's quirky and cool whenever they are "so bad" and "dainty".
Asker

1 y
Oh God. I can rant about that for days. Don’t get me started.

The thing is if a girl gets taken advantage of by a guy she can cry it out and be a “victim”. However if a guy gets taken advantage of by a girl he’s a “chump”.

I haven’t been friendzoned in years. I have radar for that bullshit. But it sucks that I have to be on my guard at all times since I’m a genuine “nice guy”. I’m just depressed that women still even attempt this bullshit.

I don’t let them get away with it. I’ve called three of them out for it last year and cut them all off. Good riddens.

But it just sucks that have to carefully analyze their behavior. I want to be myself but I can’t.

This is one of the reasons I push sex early. It’s not just about getting laid. It’s about showing the girl where I stand. If we aren’t having sex within 3 dates chances are I am screwed. But thing is I WANT to actually wait. For real I do.

Anyway thanks for hearing me out. You seem smarter than most. Angry rants won’t accomplish anything but I do feel better in the moment.

Hope things work out for you.
Marilynjuana

1 y
I can totally understand, no worries. I swing both ways so I also date girls here and there, I understand the frustration haha. I'm not sure if I should compare our experiences since age really matters in dating, but I think you are also shooting yourself in the foot here. Pushing for sex early on is dangerous, you say you are a genuine guy and wish you could wait, don't you think a genuine woman would feel the same way? The ones who give themselves up easily also tend to leave as quickly.
Asker

1 y
Ah I dunno about “girls who give it up early leave quickly”. Here is my experience:

Dated 25 yr old when I was 32. We had sex on the second date. She was wildly in love w/ me emotionally and physically. She once told me she would of done it on the 1st date if I tried (I just kissed her goodnight). This one lasted a year.

Dated a 21 yr old when I was 34. She thought I was younger and I thought she was older when we first met. She was very stand-off’ish on the first “workout” date. We just worked out at the local gym. She was very reluctant even to hug.

I later did something nice for her with no expectations (stopped by to give her a protein shake at the local gym). It was me being my nice guy self. But I notice her expression softened when we I did this. She texted me later saying “she was going to throw me a bone”. On the second date we made out, fooled around. 3rd date home plate. She loved sex and we dated for 9 months (I was surprised if lasted so long).

My last girlfriend. She was 26 when I was 37. We got dinner, got drinks and explored downtown. We made out the whole night. When we got to my place I hesitated to have sex. I told “hey I hope this isn’t a one time thing. Hope we can hang out more because I like you”. She REALLY liked hearing that. She then said “let’s have sex now so we can have sex again.” I agreed. We dated for 8 months (I broke up w/ her for other reasons).

Then there are at least a half dozen girls I tried to take it slow with. ALL OF THEM. Every single one friend zoned me. We might of fooled around but no home plate.

Those experiences were heinous. I put in a lot of time, effort, emotion, money, patience, etc. with every one of those. They all fucked me over. They found someone else and then have the nerve to keep talking to me like I was okay being their friendzoned chump.
Marilynjuana

1 y
I actually think it's really fucked up. Women in late 20s/closer to your age should've figured it out already that a guy who's willing to wait and be patient is 10x better than a bloke who fucks and dumps. Really sorry you've run into women like that..
Asker

1 y
Anyway my experience are different. I would truly like to get to know someone for who they are. Really. Wait on sex. Even wait to marriage with the right girl. But that has never worked for me. Ever.

Anyway I’m glad you have some romantic experiences with women. So you can relate. But there is one difference about me being a man. A woman can say she “feels” physically threatened by me when she’s not just to avoid an emotionally uncomfortable confrontation. They use that as justification to ghost or other bullshit. They can’t do this to other girls (as easily). At least you can have your say. As a man my hands are often unfairly tied. It sucks.
Asker

1 y
For some odd reason I have better luck with younger women than women close to my age. Not just hook ups but actual relationships.

I got some side glances when I dated that 21 yr old. My own mother creep shamed me (she didn’t call me a “creep” but definitely tried to make me feel guilty). But the 21 yr old did the following for me:

- never flaked on dates
- cooked for me
- surprised me with gifts
- surprised me by dressing up. Schoolgirl uniform was a fantasy come true
- treated me out for my 35th bday.

Now what guy in his right mind would turn that down? There was some maturity issues. It wasn’t going to last forever. But it was awesome while it lasted.

But some of the worst dates I’ve been on in my life were with women in their 30s. They think being a pain in the ass magically makes them look younger or something. Anyway

Answer 2

Asker

Yeah but would she tell this to a guy she’s attracted to? 9 out 10 times that’s a sign she has zero interest in. Am I right?

Answer 3

Marilynjuana

I don't really think so, of course it's also very individual. I would rant to a guy I was interested in about my ex because I was still rather broken and on my way to rebounding. Nothing good ever comes out of it either way.

Answer 4

Asker

In all my experiences it’s bad. I did bang one or two of these girls. But it wasn’t worth the trouble.

Either way it’s insulting to the guy to think he’s willing to be your free counselor. Don’t do that.

Answer 5

Marilynjuana

I was 17, we all go through shit and trouble and learn. I've gotten my lesson.

Answer 6

Asker

Yeah that’s understandable. I’ve met women much older than you that still try to pull this shit. This is after setting up a date and buying dinner. I want to literally punch them in the face for the disrespect (I wouldn’t do that but just saying).

Nobody teaches young boys to watch out for that crap unfortunately.

Answer 7

Marilynjuana

I'd say you can thank society for that. Somehow women tend to get a free pass whenever they act like c*nts, somehow it's quirky and cool whenever they are "so bad" and "dainty".

Answer 8

Asker

Oh God. I can rant about that for days. Don’t get me started.

The thing is if a girl gets taken advantage of by a guy she can cry it out and be a “victim”. However if a guy gets taken advantage of by a girl he’s a “chump”.

I haven’t been friendzoned in years. I have radar for that bullshit. But it sucks that I have to be on my guard at all times since I’m a genuine “nice guy”. I’m just depressed that women still even attempt this bullshit.

I don’t let them get away with it. I’ve called three of them out for it last year and cut them all off. Good riddens.

But it just sucks that have to carefully analyze their behavior. I want to be myself but I can’t.

This is one of the reasons I push sex early. It’s not just about getting laid. It’s about showing the girl where I stand. If we aren’t having sex within 3 dates chances are I am screwed. But thing is I WANT to actually wait. For real I do.

Anyway thanks for hearing me out. You seem smarter than most. Angry rants won’t accomplish anything but I do feel better in the moment.

Hope things work out for you.

Answer 9

Marilynjuana

I can totally understand, no worries. I swing both ways so I also date girls here and there, I understand the frustration haha. I'm not sure if I should compare our experiences since age really matters in dating, but I think you are also shooting yourself in the foot here. Pushing for sex early on is dangerous, you say you are a genuine guy and wish you could wait, don't you think a genuine woman would feel the same way? The ones who give themselves up easily also tend to leave as quickly.

Answer 10

Asker

Ah I dunno about “girls who give it up early leave quickly”. Here is my experience:

Dated 25 yr old when I was 32. We had sex on the second date. She was wildly in love w/ me emotionally and physically. She once told me she would of done it on the 1st date if I tried (I just kissed her goodnight). This one lasted a year.

Dated a 21 yr old when I was 34. She thought I was younger and I thought she was older when we first met. She was very stand-off’ish on the first “workout” date. We just worked out at the local gym. She was very reluctant even to hug.

I later did something nice for her with no expectations (stopped by to give her a protein shake at the local gym). It was me being my nice guy self. But I notice her expression softened when we I did this. She texted me later saying “she was going to throw me a bone”. On the second date we made out, fooled around. 3rd date home plate. She loved sex and we dated for 9 months (I was surprised if lasted so long).

My last girlfriend. She was 26 when I was 37. We got dinner, got drinks and explored downtown. We made out the whole night. When we got to my place I hesitated to have sex. I told “hey I hope this isn’t a one time thing. Hope we can hang out more because I like you”. She REALLY liked hearing that. She then said “let’s have sex now so we can have sex again.” I agreed. We dated for 8 months (I broke up w/ her for other reasons).

Then there are at least a half dozen girls I tried to take it slow with. ALL OF THEM. Every single one friend zoned me. We might of fooled around but no home plate.

Those experiences were heinous. I put in a lot of time, effort, emotion, money, patience, etc. with every one of those. They all fucked me over. They found someone else and then have the nerve to keep talking to me like I was okay being their friendzoned chump.

Answer 11

Marilynjuana

I actually think it's really fucked up. Women in late 20s/closer to your age should've figured it out already that a guy who's willing to wait and be patient is 10x better than a bloke who fucks and dumps. Really sorry you've run into women like that..

Answer 12

Asker

Anyway my experience are different. I would truly like to get to know someone for who they are. Really. Wait on sex. Even wait to marriage with the right girl. But that has never worked for me. Ever.

Anyway I’m glad you have some romantic experiences with women. So you can relate. But there is one difference about me being a man. A woman can say she “feels” physically threatened by me when she’s not just to avoid an emotionally uncomfortable confrontation. They use that as justification to ghost or other bullshit. They can’t do this to other girls (as easily). At least you can have your say. As a man my hands are often unfairly tied. It sucks.

Answer 13

Asker

For some odd reason I have better luck with younger women than women close to my age. Not just hook ups but actual relationships.

I got some side glances when I dated that 21 yr old. My own mother creep shamed me (she didn’t call me a “creep” but definitely tried to make me feel guilty). But the 21 yr old did the following for me:

- never flaked on dates
- cooked for me
- surprised me with gifts
- surprised me by dressing up. Schoolgirl uniform was a fantasy come true
- treated me out for my 35th bday.

Now what guy in his right mind would turn that down? There was some maturity issues. It wasn’t going to last forever. But it was awesome while it lasted.

But some of the worst dates I’ve been on in my life were with women in their 30s. They think being a pain in the ass magically makes them look younger or something. Anyway

Answer 14

BeckyN

Xper 1

Some women talk about past relationships to test the waters, if you are still there and willing to listen to what she has to say after she has shared the information then she knows you aren't like the horrible ex (s) she has had.

React

Asker

1 y
Most guys aren’t going to say something stupid in the first few dates. We are on our best behavior.

If a girl is really interested in a guy she will self-conscious about what she says or does to him. Complaining about an ex is not something most girls will do if they have high interest level.
BeckyN

1 y
Some girls are just open and honest with you from the get go and if that happens to include their dating history then it does
Asker

1 y
Yes those are the two girls I slept with who complained about their exes.

But still it’s a bad sign. I have been through hell on earth with some of my exes. But I won’t bring up what happened if I’m really attracted to the girl. It leaves the wrong impression.
Show All Show Less
BeckyN

1 y
Yeah I totally get that as I leave the past in the past unless I get asked about past relationships
Asker

1 y
I won’t bring it up until later. Even if I do I will discuss is sparingly and only when it’s in the right context.

Bottom line is if a guy likes you and you don’t feel the same about him you need to be TACTFULLY honest with him. Do it the second you decide your not interested and be tried to contact you.

Just say “he so and so. I am being honest with you because I respect you. Truth is I’m not interested in you that way. But I respect you approaching me. I just want to be fair.”

Do NOT do the following:

- talk about past relationships as way to give him a “hint”
- talk about other guys you are interested in. This is a huge insult.
- ask him to “just be friends”
- ghost him
- accept any favors/meals beyond a first date.
- refer to him as “my best friend”.
- try to give him dating advice. You are the last person he wants to hear that from.
- tell “oh some other girl will like you”.

Everything I listed above has been done to me over the years. It’s not the rejection but the DISRESPECT that burns.

No no no. Just don’t do that. If you are tactfully honest and he gets an attitude then you know you made the right decision.
BeckyN

1 y
Yeah I already knew all of that plus I know guys are just as sensitive as us girls
Asker

1 y
Good. Please don’t change.

I swear girls 18-20 are usually pretty open minded. Then something happens when they get in their early 20s. They get more attention since they can legally go to clubs and bars. It goes to their head
BeckyN

1 y
They said the same thing when I turned 13 and I didn't change and they said the same thing again last year when I turned 18 and once again I didn't change

Answer 15

Asker

Most guys aren’t going to say something stupid in the first few dates. We are on our best behavior.

If a girl is really interested in a guy she will self-conscious about what she says or does to him. Complaining about an ex is not something most girls will do if they have high interest level.

Answer 16

BeckyN

Some girls are just open and honest with you from the get go and if that happens to include their dating history then it does

Answer 17

Asker

Yes those are the two girls I slept with who complained about their exes.

But still it’s a bad sign. I have been through hell on earth with some of my exes. But I won’t bring up what happened if I’m really attracted to the girl. It leaves the wrong impression.

Answer 18

BeckyN

Yeah I totally get that as I leave the past in the past unless I get asked about past relationships

Answer 19

Asker

I won’t bring it up until later. Even if I do I will discuss is sparingly and only when it’s in the right context.

Bottom line is if a guy likes you and you don’t feel the same about him you need to be TACTFULLY honest with him. Do it the second you decide your not interested and be tried to contact you.

Just say “he so and so. I am being honest with you because I respect you. Truth is I’m not interested in you that way. But I respect you approaching me. I just want to be fair.”

Do NOT do the following:

- talk about past relationships as way to give him a “hint”
- talk about other guys you are interested in. This is a huge insult.
- ask him to “just be friends”
- ghost him
- accept any favors/meals beyond a first date.
- refer to him as “my best friend”.
- try to give him dating advice. You are the last person he wants to hear that from.
- tell “oh some other girl will like you”.

Everything I listed above has been done to me over the years. It’s not the rejection but the DISRESPECT that burns.

No no no. Just don’t do that. If you are tactfully honest and he gets an attitude then you know you made the right decision.

Answer 20

BeckyN

Yeah I already knew all of that plus I know guys are just as sensitive as us girls

Answer 21

Asker

Good. Please don’t change.

I swear girls 18-20 are usually pretty open minded. Then something happens when they get in their early 20s. They get more attention since they can legally go to clubs and bars. It goes to their head

Answer 22

BeckyN

They said the same thing when I turned 13 and I didn't change and they said the same thing again last year when I turned 18 and once again I didn't change

Answer 23

Anonymous

I have a hard time trusting people, but I trust him enough to open up these things to him, mainly because I like him more than a friend.

React

Asker

1 y
“More of a friend”. Bingo.
Opinion Owner

1 y
Personally, I think that the person you like or love is the one you feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to them about things you don't feel safe or comfortable talking to other people about.
Asker

1 y
Alright I misread “like him more than a friend” vs “more as a friend”. My apologies.

Answer 24

Asker

“More of a friend”. Bingo.

Answer 25

Opinion Owner

Personally, I think that the person you like or love is the one you feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to them about things you don't feel safe or comfortable talking to other people about.

Answer 26

Asker

Alright I misread “like him more than a friend” vs “more as a friend”. My apologies.

If a woman brings up a past negative dating experience to a guy (who likes her). Does that mean she has little or no romantic interest in him?

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