When a girl texts you for advice about her problems should you avoid giving her constructive advice (instead listen to her complain/dump it out)?

Question

This girl is interested in me and she also much younger (in college). We met a month ago and she is out of state but she’s coming back for the holidays. We did have some sex talk. She even promised to dress up for me for (role play)

But she texted me yesterday saying she was under stress and just wanted someone to talk to. I let her dump it out but at the end I recommended that she try getting at least 30 mins of exercise everyday. She reluctantly agreed (she knows she should be doing it)

But I often go into male POV and look resolutions and action based recommendations when women ask for advice. But I’ve heard this is not the best way to handle it. Rather women just “want to be heard”.

Should I avoid this in the future?

Answer 1

Effably | 137 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Yoda

This is one of those gender stereotypes in how we deal with hearing problems. The stereotype being that men try to supply a solution to the perceived core issue whereas women try to provide emotional relief for the current mental state.

I am sure we can argue over which is better. Without tackling the core issue the problem won't usually go away. However without recovering enough to tackle the issue it won't matter if you know how to deal with it or not.

I reckon ideally you do both. But I also like to think that if a friend seeks me out for my advice that is because they desire the type of advice I would give. Which would likely be more solving-the-problem oriented. And so of we have to choose one method, then do whichever feels more you.

React

Asker

1 y
Good advice. She definitely likes me but I don’t want to turn her off because I’m not “speaking her language”.

I really do enjoy helping people but this has had disastrous results for romance (beginning of the friendzone). Just want to be careful.
Effably

1 y
Oh. I see you have yet to learn the "flirt more than you joke" rule. If you tell someone you're a potential romantic interest first and a friend second, that is how they tend to view you. Assuming of course that you qualift for whatever they consider a romantic interest.
Asker

1 y
Nah there was heavy joking and flirting going on earlier. She knows where I stand.

But I don’t want to go to far down the “friendly” route. Dangerous.

Answer 2

Asker

Good advice. She definitely likes me but I don’t want to turn her off because I’m not “speaking her language”.

I really do enjoy helping people but this has had disastrous results for romance (beginning of the friendzone). Just want to be careful.

Answer 3

Effably

Oh. I see you have yet to learn the "flirt more than you joke" rule. If you tell someone you're a potential romantic interest first and a friend second, that is how they tend to view you. Assuming of course that you qualift for whatever they consider a romantic interest.

Answer 4

Asker

Nah there was heavy joking and flirting going on earlier. She knows where I stand.

But I don’t want to go to far down the “friendly” route. Dangerous.

When a girl texts you for advice about her problems should you avoid giving her constructive advice (instead listen to her complain/dump it out)?

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