I have never had a relationship and I fail to feel strong. ?

Anonymous
This question will sound childish but I'm a 25 year old woman who never had relationships. I'm heterosexual and i feel ugly. I was much more depressed when i was 18 and before. When i was 19, i mean when it was 2014, a friend introduced me to the self love and body positivity movement and i started to care about myself. I'm overweight and i look like a male. I have a hairy typed body and no epilation provides a permanent solution. It's kind of a health issue, my hormones don't function properly. And i sound like a male. Someone was outside my door and they heard my voice and they referred to me as mister. The reason why the door was shut was the coronavirus precautions...

Well actually i know that if i put on makeup and do my hair and wear fashionable clothes and high heels several men will approach me but i dont want that either. That fake look doesn't represent the real me. The real me is this, an ugly woman who wants love but who has no clue as to how to handle relationships. I have a lot of insecurities. I don't wanna feel depressed and i dont wanna hate myself but that's what i feel. I told myself some feminist lies like, i dont need men, etc but whenever I see romantic dreams, i face the reality... I feel so lonely and i dont know how to fight this feeling.

Sorry for this long and boring question but i do feel lonely and the only friends i got are my cats and my birds.
I have never had a relationship and I fail to feel strong. ?
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