But I don’t want to ruin the friendship which is why I’ve been testing the waters more subtly. But it’s not working. So I don’t know if I should just give up
Honestly, if telling someone you have a crush on them ruins your friendship then it was never genuine or real to begin with. I get that you’re afraid of the outcome, but I’m sure you’d much rather know, rather than “testing the waters”. Especially when this testing means that you try initiating touch.
Well it’s only little touching like Patting her back or playfully hitting her arm at high points in conversation etc. Or grabbing her hand when she’s about to fall over.
Oh okay, those aren’t bad touches, but you can’t do that forever, or use that as an indication of if she would be interested.
Really? What about just sitting a bit nearer to her? Surely if she liked me, she’d reciprocate?
I don’t think that’s wise. All these things do is build an assumption, not an answer. You want enough green flags in order to make a move, when in reality you don’t know if those are signs of interest at all. There will never be a clearer answer than a yes or a no from her own mouth. If you’re afraid to take the risk, then stop what you’re doing altogether and just be her friend. But it takes a lot of bravery and confidence to admit a crush and even if she doesn’t reciprocate, she will respect your courage.
People always say that but whenever I’ve admitted a crush or asked a girl out, she either got mad or it became awkward and we became less close friends.
Well hey, you gotta do what works best for you. Personally I feel like you should just go ahead and ask her, but I know that’s easier said than done, and it doesn’t help that you’ve been rejected in the past. Your only other option is to find a distraction—someone or something else, so you can move past the crush.
Well she never initiates meets or contacts me first so it’s probably not hard to find a distraction. The friendship would probably naturally fizzle out if I stop contacting her.
Honestly the fact that there would probably not even be a friendship without the work on your end should tell you a lot about her and how she sees you. I’m not one to make assumptions but honestly if she’s making zero effort with you then I don’t think she’s interested, unfortunately. I just think of what I would do, and I maintain contact with anyone important to me. When I’ve liked guys in the past I definitely let it be known by trying to keep the ball rolling. Like if he asks if I wanna hang out, I pick the place and time. Mutual effort, you know?
She does that. She’ll always say yes if I ask and tell me when she’s available. But if I don’t contact her, she won’t contact me.
What happens when you go out? Is it just you two? Does she pay?
Yes it’s just us 2. We see each other in a group all the time but still meet up with just us 2 every week.
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