Do I seem unstable?

Anonymous
I have PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety, flashback and triggers. 2 years ago I was assaulted. In my childhood I was molested and raped more than once. I didn’t know it was wrong at the time. I kept on thinking why are all these things happening to me and then I knew why, it’s because I’m a girl. I can’t feel safe walking on the streets men are harassing me I feel afraid sometimes I might not reach home. Just like everyone I have dreams too, but I let all these abuse that happened to me belittle my value. I let myself believe I’m not smart enough to go to college, I’m not beautiful for nice clothing, I’m not fit for a better job and I let my self esteem go down so low that I don’t believe in myself anymore because of what people did to me I don’t have any other value other than to satisfy men even I don’t want to it’s the only thing I feel like I have value for. Because of this belief I fail in high school I work a low job which is very hard and I barely eat. Everyone betrayed me. I have no one. There’s no place for me. I just want to disappear but you know what I have another dream, I want to marry someone who will protect me. I have no one to protect me everyone blames me for my abuse saying I shouldn’t have went there. But I tried to fight him off but I couldn’t, he pinned me down and his hands were so big and he was so much stronger his body was on top of me I kept on saying no so many times it didn’t mean anything to him I was alone, powerless praying for it to be over. It was over but now I’m suffering and I’m trying to find ways to heal but I can’t 😭, my life is over, he damaged me. Everyone betrayed me I don’t have anyone I’m all alone. He ruined and destroyed plenty of my dreams and hope. Will anyone want to marry me? Can I live by myself? Or am I too unstable for my of that? Please be honest it’s okay ❤️
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